11 Troubling Signs of Emotional Distance in a Relationship

Whether it is feeling physical attraction towards your spouse or partner or simply relating to them on an emotional level, you know the value of these emotions. Therefore, you know something is amiss if even the slightest of these emotions is lost.

Emotional connection is of great importance in any successful relationship. People tend to value emotional attachment in romantic relationships.

Feeling distant in a relationship is often the lack of this understanding that people are unable to provide what many partners are looking for. In the absence of an emotional bond, partners may sometimes feel disconnected.

It is due to this that relationships lose the spark that was there when the couple got together for the first time.

In this article, we will look at the various signs of emotional distance in a relationship and creative ways to overcome it. 

What is the emotional distance in a relationship?

Emotional distance in a relationship refers to how the two partners start to drift apart from each other.

According to Grady Shumway, a licensed mental health counselor:

Addressing emotional distance requires open communication, empathy, and a willingness to understand each other’s feelings and needs. Couples can work together to rebuild emotional closeness by prioritizing quality time, actively listening to each other, and nurturing mutual trust and understanding.

This drifting apart may not be immediately noticed by the two people. However, when they start recognizing the signs of this distancing, they must quickly work towards reducing this gap.

Emotional distance in a relationship can lead to the couple feeling as if they’ve lost the passion that they once felt for each other. It is this emotional drifting that makes the two feel as if they don’t really have much to say to each other other than the day-to-day updates regarding their general activities.

As a result, the two people often find it difficult to make casual conversation. They may find themselves making serious efforts to talk to each other, whereas this may never have been the case before.

Why does emotional distance happen in relationships?

Emotional distance can occur in relationships due to various factors. One common reason is a breakdown in communication. When partners struggle to express their feelings, thoughts or needs effectively, it can create a sense of disconnect and emotional distance. 

Past hurts, or unresolved conflicts can also contribute to emotional distance, as they can erode trust and create barriers to emotional intimacy. Incompatibility or differences in values, goals, or expectations can further strain the emotional connection. 

External stressors, such as work pressure or personal challenges, can also impact emotional availability by diverting attention and energy away from the relationship.

As Grady Shumway explains:

It’s important for partners to recognize the influence of external factors on their emotional state and communicate openly about how to support each other through difficult times. By addressing external stressors together, couples can strengthen their bond and maintain emotional connection amidst life’s challenges.

Ultimately, emotional distance often arises when the emotional needs of one or both partners are not adequately met or understood, highlighting the importance of open communication, empathy, and mutual support in nurturing healthy relationships.

11 signs of emotional distance in relationships

Such a distance in any relationship, particularly romantic ones, means that the two people are not connecting with each other on a deep level. This emotional distancing can make partners feel isolated. 

As a result, the partners may even feel the need to spend some time alone. Know the signs of emotional distance in relationships:

1. Decreased communication

When there is emotional distance in a relationship, partners may experience a significant decline in meaningful communication. They may avoid discussing deeper emotions or important issues, leading to a sense of disconnect and a lack of shared understanding.

2. Lack of intimacy

One of the signs of emotional distance in a relationship is that there may be a reduction in physical and emotional intimacy. 

Partners may avoid or become uncomfortable with displays of affection, sexual intimacy, or engaging in deeper emotional conversations. This can leave one or both individuals feeling unfulfilled and emotionally distant.

3. Increased conflict avoidance

Rather than addressing conflicts and working towards a resolution, emotionally distant partners may choose to avoid or dismiss issues altogether. They may shy away from engaging in healthy conflict resolution, which leads to unresolved tension and further emotional disconnection.

4. Being unhappy in the relationship

One of the signs of emotional distance in relationships is that you both feel unhappy in the relationship. Despite the fact that the relationship is meant to be your source of contentment and happiness, you both are not able to connect and feel happy when you both are together.

5. Differences in emotional needs

What you expect from your partner is not exactly what they could be expecting from you. So, there is a mismatch in the expectations. The difference between both can lead to emotional distance, especially when it is not clearly communicated. 

6. Absence of emotional support

Emotional distance in a relationship often results in a lack of emotional support. Partners may become less responsive to each other’s emotional needs, failing to provide comfort, empathy, or understanding. This can leave individuals feeling isolated and unsupported in times of stress or vulnerability.

7. Excessive need for alone time

Being distant in a relationship can make you spend time with yourself.

When you don’t enjoy spending quality time with your partner but prefer being alone, and this gives you bliss, this is a sign of emotional distance in a relationship. 

8. Decreased quality time together

When emotional distance is present, partners may spend less quality time together. 

The partners may prioritize individual activities over shared experiences or make excuses to avoid spending time with one another. This withdrawal from shared experiences reinforces the emotional distance and can lead to feelings of loneliness and detachment. 

9. Huge amount of stress

There is always an extreme amount of stress that you struggle with, and on diving deep, you figure out that it’s your relationship that you are worried about. Since the relationship is not satisfactory, you tend to be stressed all the time, and this affects your other aspects of life

10. Repression

Wondering what are the effects of emotional distance in a relationship?

You tend to repress your feelings and not share them with your partner. If you feel such a lack of communication from your end exists and you just pretend that everything is fine, this is a sign of emotional distance in the relationship.

11. Projection

Feeling distant from a partner can lead to a lack of empathy. So, if you keep projecting your problems on your partner or someone else rather than owning up to them and talking about them, this is another. 

Watch this video to learn more about projection as a defense mechanism:

How to fix emotional distance in a relationship?

Once you recognize the problem, it is essential that you take the steps needed to deal with the issues prevailing in your relationship.

1. Try to figure out the problem

You can work on improving things by asking yourself some basic questions. Sit down in a quiet place and make a list of things that you think have been going on lately in your life or the life of your partner.

Ask yourself the following questions:

• Have I been too nosy lately?
• Have I been moody?
• Is there some work-related tension bothering me or my partner?
• Is there any financial disturbance?
• Is there any family issue that might be bothering me or my partner?
• Am I keeping any grudges inside of me because of our last fight?
• How have things changed lately?

After answering such questions, try to figure out if you have been the reason behind the emotional drift.

2. Eliminate the negatives

Trying to learn how to overcome emotional distance in a relationship?

If so, start off by eliminating all the things that led you to be this way. If not, you can even try to discuss things with your partner in a calm manner. Make sure that you talk to your partner politely and try to make them understand your concerns.

3. Your tone may play a crucial role in the response you get

Many times, partners may avoid such conversations for the sake of preventing conflict or simply because they don’t want to talk about it. If such stonewalling behavior persists, you must devise some other plan to make things work.

4. Give space

Sometimes, giving your partner the space they need also helps when there is emotional distancing in a relationship. 

A little time alone will help them think straight and can prove to be beneficial for your relationship.

If you decide to use this technique, then try not to let your partner feel as if you’ve stranded them. Once in a while, show that you are there for them and that you care. Try to praise your partner (without sounding fake), and stop criticizing and complaining all the time.

5. Be sure to work on yourself first

How to deal with emotional distance in a relationship?

Maintain a balance in all that you do, and don’t seem desperate to get that emotional connection that you’ve always wanted. Sometimes, your desperation is what will drive your partner further away. So, keep working on yourself and the things you like. And don’t forget to let time play its role.

How does emotional distance differ from physical distance in a relationship?

Emotional distance and physical distance in a relationship can differ in the following ways:

• Emotional distance

1. Relates to the level of emotional connection and intimacy between partners.
2. Reflects a sense of emotional disconnect, lack of understanding, or reduced emotional responsiveness.
3. Can occur even when partners are physically close to each other.
4. Often characterized by decreased communication, reduced emotional support, and a decline in shared experiences.
5. Can lead to feelings of loneliness, isolation, and a sense of being emotionally disconnected from one another.

• Physical distance

1. Refers to the physical separation between partners, such as living in different locations or being physically apart for extended periods.
2. Does not necessarily indicate a lack of emotional connection or intimacy.
3. Can be temporary or long-term, depending on the circumstances.
4. Communication may be affected due to time zone differences or limited opportunities for face-to-face interaction.
5. While physical distance can present challenges, it doesn’t necessarily imply emotional detachment if there are efforts to maintain emotional closeness and connection through other means like regular communication and mutual support.

Final thoughts

If there is an emotional distance in couples, it could signify deeper relationship problems. It can develop due to unresolved conflict and life stressors in your relationship. 

It usually develops slowly, making it easy to miss until it becomes too late. So, before things go out of hand, take the aforementioned steps and bring your relationship back on track.

Expert Q&A

How to close emotional distance in long distance relationship.

Christiana Njoku

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Closing the emotional distance in a long-distance relationship demands dedication and hard work from both individuals involved. Begin by setting up consistent, meaningful discussions and exchanging daily happenings, ideas, and emotions. Utilize video chats to keep a visual link and a sense of closeness. Reserve time for joint activities like viewing films or engaging in online games. Express love through unexpected presents, care packages, or heartfelt letters. Build trust by being honest and dependable. Organize trips or countdown events to reunions to provide a reason to look forward to each other. Emphasize clear communication, attentive listening, and understanding to overcome the physical gap and enhance your emotional connection.

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Sylvia Smith Author

Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle... Read more in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. Read less