Despite the high percentage of marriages ending up in divorce in today’s modern society there is still a certain amount of unease when it comes to talking about divorce. It’s still a touchy topic, a bit of a taboo. This makes the situation, for the ones facing divorce, even harder and generates more frustration and isolation.
If you are in this situation you are likely dealing with a very complex circumstance where all your “certainties” of life regarding your home, emotions, finance, career, parenthood are all “up in the air”. This is a time where you are vulnerable and at risk of making some serious mistakes.
The biggest mistake is to do nothing
The worst thing you can do while facing marital separation is to stick your head in the sand and hope that it will pass, it will go away by itself. Going through a divorce is one of the most frustrating things you can go through. Wishing it away will not work.
Why is that ? Because not doing the right thing can influence your life in the long term.
If you are preparing to go through a divorce the best thing to do is to start a dialogue, involve people to support you. Ask questions, inform yourself and discuss openly about your divorce
In order to support you to do the right thing and prepare for the divorce, we offer you top 5 pieces of advice that are gathered from men who went through what you are facing at the moment.
Educate yourself on important divorce issues
There is a certain divorce process and if you start getting information about it and you educate yourself, you can get through it in the most efficient and cost-effective way. The famous proverb stating that the knowledge is power is certainly applicable when it comes your own divorce.
Craft a settlement
Besides the emotional and social damage the ending of a marriage, unfortunately, comes with a lot of financial consequences too. They need to be dealt with carefully. Just because there is a dysfunction in communication between partners at the moment, it doesn’t mean that all communication should stop.
If partners turn against each other, a divorce usually becomes something greater and more destructive, something like a war that generates winners and losers. And lots of collateral damage too.
As equality should be the foundation of every marriage so should divorce be based on the same principal. It is possible to craft a truly equitable financial settlement that will have a minimally negative financial impact on the former family. Furthermore, it can dignify both the partners in recognising and acknowledging individual fears and needs.
All it takes is willingness to engage in dialog, speak with the right people and keep a commitment to craft the best possible settlement no matter what.
Design a parenting plan
If you are a parent planning to divorce your partner, then discussing and designing a parenting plan is an essential step of your pre-divorce preparations. It likely won’t be easy to reach a win-win deal so you need to be consciously committed and keep communicating respectively with your partner, your kids, families involved and professionals who are supporting you in order to come to a decent agreement.
The key to success here is to stay respectful and avoid creating a situation where you are “fighting to win custody”. This situation is not just harmful and destructive for everyone involved but it also suggests that kids are a “possession” that you want to secure for yourself.
Instead, you are better off working out an agreement that dignifies you and your partner and at the same time benefits your children. You can call it a parenting plan instead of a custody battle and you will see that it makes a great difference.
Get professional support
Custody, child support, financial issues (dividing assets, spousal maintenance, business equity, etc) can be a true nightmare especially if you are someone facing these circumstances for the first time in your life.
Choose an adequate attorney who is a specialist in men’s divorce and who will be able to communicate with you adequately. Don’t go for the easy and cheap option just to cut immediate cost because this can backfire on you on the long run and you might end up losing a fortune over time.
Keep your sanity
During such a stressful period of your life it is likely that your mind will be in constant conflict. There are, or will be, plenty of negative thoughts, frustration and uncertainty. This is a common reaction to divorce and you need to do your best to keep your sanity and help yourself in staying composed through this havoc.
Find ways to give yourself relief from negative, worrying thoughts. Lift the weight of your shoulders, share your struggles with people you trust or seek professional support. Don’t be stuck while watching your life “fall apart”.
Divorce- do it right
You have one shot at this and the consequences can last you a lifetime so you need to really be careful with your decisions and ideally involve people who have been through this, people who you trust and legal experts to back you up.
It’s never too early to start, don’t wait until it’s too late.