If you are enduring your marriage, there is nothing much to do but file for a divorce. It can be said that the end of a marriage is always a difficult time you don’t want to go through alone.
In many ways, recovering from a divorce is very difficult. No matter who ended the marriage, the future can look depressing and frightening. But life has to continue, and there are thousands of people who go on to have happy and fulfilling lives after divorce.
How long does it take to move on after divorce?
While it’s hard to say when a person can get over a troubling experience such as divorce, it is not unreal to think that time eventually heals everything. There is no definite time period to forget a heartbreaking experience in life.
Divorce is complicated. Whether it was mutual or not, you can’t help reliving it in your memories and thinking about it. You will feel sad and burdened with the past as long as you mourn it and deal with the trauma.
You can read all the tips to be happy after divorce and yet not feel better. Just remember that the recovery period varies for everyone. Some people don’t invest emotionally in the relationship, and some invest way too much.
It all depends on how soon you can stop looking for validation in your life and focus on making something out of your life.
Once sadness leaves your heart, everything will seem more manageable. Just hold on.
Who moves on faster after divorce?
Although it’s an individual process, however a survey of American adults across age, gender, and sexual orientation shows that women move on faster in life than men.
73% of women don’t regret their divorce, and only 61% of men have no regrets about their divorce. 64% of women blame their spouse for their failed marriage, while only 44% of men blame their ex.
Important Things To Remember When Moving On After Divorce
It is important to know how to move on after divorce, but it is essential to know what you should do and remember while going through that process.
Feeling sad is okay
Something that was an integral part of you has ended. There will be a hole, making you feel sad or even depressed. Remember, it’s okay, and it’s part of the process.
Treat it as a learning experience
Don’t we keep hearing that we learn from our mistakes and get better in life? When you think about your married life after divorce, look at it as an experience.
Learn and grow out of it and embrace the new change that life has brought to you.
You will be okay
Everything will work out eventually. Recovering from divorce may feel impossible, but you will get through it.
It is a lot harder than it sounds, but things will get better, with time and you will be okay!
You are not alone to get a divorce
Many people go through this distressing experience, and you are not alone in going through a divorce.
Don’t feel alone, and if you think no one understands the pain you are growing through, you can always look to join emotional support groups for divorced people.
Here are 5 steps to deal with grief after divorce:
Before you move forward after divorce, here are some things you need to keep in mind.
This is usually during the first week. During this phase, you don’t believe you’re divorced.
During this phase, you get mad or angry at yourself for believing the lies your ex told you.
You begin to think that you can bargain or beg your way back into the marriage. You might try to beg or argue with your higher power or convince your family or friends to talk to your ex on your behalf.
This is the stage whereby you feel miserable and hopeless. You see the word “love” as a means to shed tears and be buried in thoughts.
This stage is usually within 1-2 months after the divorce. You might find it challenging to cope with depression and stay motivated and happy.
This is the last stage of grieving a loss. This is the stage you feel nothing can be done to bring your ex back, and you accept the reality of things for what they indeed are.
This is when you start thinking about how do you move on after divorce.
Don’t be surprised. This is the first point for moving on after divorce.
I have been in your shoes before, and believe me, and there is still something about your partner attached to you. Letting go after a divorce is going to consume a lot of energy.
The bitterness your ex-partner caused will be very hard to forget, but still, you have to let it all go.
Holding on to the past won’t allow you to see the good things ahead of you.
I am sure that thinking about them repeatedly will not change the fact that you’re divorced.
Acknowledge your inner feelings, learn from your past experiences, and gear yourself up for the next phase of life. Yes, you can have a beautiful life after divorce.
Learn to let it all go! Just let it go
3. Get a hobby
I know the pain of going through days and nights without anyone to talk to. I understand the agony of waking up to no one by your side. The only way to get over this pain is to get yourself a distraction.
Yes, the best way to get over a divorce is by occupying yourself with something constructive. You can take piano lessons, make weaves, opt-in for a course or something to keep you busy and keep your mind off your ex-partner.
The best way to avoid falling into your ex-emotional trap is to cut off any form of communication.
For moving past divorce, block them off your social media accounts, try to delete their emails and chats, and avoid running into them in public because you might get intimated to stir up something again (which is what you don’t need now).
Although it seems harsh, cutting all forms of communication is the best way for both of you to heal and move forward after divorce.
Also, it allows you to focus on your personal needs and the anguishing process without getting drawn into quarrels, jealousy, or chaotic conversations.
5. Learn to love again
This is the final step when it comes to moving on after divorce.
As discussed previously, moving on after divorce is going to be very difficult. You will have many memories, both good and bad, to torment you now and then.
But, to forget the past, you must accept reality and embrace the future. As humans, there will be setbacks, and the only way to move forward is to take a step into the future.
You need to keep your balance in life by moving forward and giving someone else a chance to love you.
6. Seek therapy
If you think you cannot move on after divorce, you should seek help from a professional who can resolve your emotional issues and help you get over your divorce.
Something might have changed, and there must be things you have outgrown over time and things that you have adapted recently.
Figure out who the new you are and get to know yourself better. You can change your lifestyle according to this new you. You can change your haircut or get a new tattoo.
Whatever makes you happy, just do (just don’t do unnecessary things).
5. Don’t bring kids into the divorce
One of the most important tips to move on after divorce as a man is to make sure that your kids stay unaffected.
It would help if you knew that divorce would change your kids’ life completely, and it is better to keep them away from all the drama.
6. Embrace new responsibilities
Most people find themselves stuck wondering what to do after divorce or how to move on after divorce. The best thing you can try while moving on after divorce is getting used to the responsibilities you were not taking care of while married.
You and your spouse lived together for a long time, and you may have managed specific aspects of life while your partner managed others. Now you have to handle all the responsibilities by yourself.
It’s best to focus on managing everything as it will give you a learning opportunity and boost your confidence.
7. Don’t cut off relationships
People recovering from divorce or trying to build a life after divorce don’t appreciate their other relationships. While moving past divorce, people feel low and empty. They stop socializing and cut off from people who care for them.
Suppose you have to force yourself to be involved with people and focus on all the good relationships you have in life. These people will help you rebuild yourself and grow as a person.
These relationships will only teach you how to let go after divorce.
Tips to move on after divorce for women
If you wonder how to move on after divorce, here are some tips that can make it easier for you to recover.
1. Get in touch with your older self
Life changes a lot after marriage. You suddenly have to consider everything as a couple, and while you want to give your personal choice a preference, you end up making many choices according to your partner.
With time you forget things you used to do when you were single. Moving on after divorce can be a great way to get in touch with your older self and rejoice in everything you loved and forgot over the years.
Instead of thinking about what bad comes with divorce, focus on making yourself content and moving forward.
2. Make yourself feel special every day
It’s common to grieve after divorce but don’t forget yourself because of a past relationship. Make sure that you make yourself feel special every day, even if it is only for 5 or 10 minutes.
Doing so will help you focus on your life and help you move on in life. It will take your mind off the stress.
Just do something that makes you happy, and you will feel a little better every day.
3. Take care of your energies
Don’t let a traumatic experience change you into a negative person. Keep your energies and thoughts in check.
Your emotions can be all over the place, and you may feel stuck, stressed, frightened, and scared, but don’t all these feelings overwhelm you. Focus on the positive things in your life and also on building a positive future for yourself.
If you ever feel low and sad, just shift your focus to the things you are thankful for in your life, and you will realize not everything is lost, and you can build a good life after divorce.
The best way to get over a divorce is to stay connected with your inner self and know where you stand on the road to recovery. Some people just say that they are dealing with it perfectly, and it doesn’t affect them.
When, in fact, they are the ones who feel devastated inside and put up with a good face.
This can help you hide your pain, but it doesn’t change the reality, and sooner or later, the pain and distress bursts in the form of anger or addiction.
Instead, stop living in denial and always be true to yourself. If you are sad, feel it to get past it.
If you are worried, find a solution. If something is troubling you, talk about it.
It is one of the best tips to move on after divorce.
5. Don’t stress over losing some common friends
Of course, as a couple, you shared some common friends, and they will take sides, and you will lose some of your friends. Do not let it affect you or dictate that you are the wrong person here.
Like kids, friends are also affected in divorce, there may be people who were close to you, but in the end, they chose your partner over you. It happens all the time.
Don’t feel betrayed, and do not let it get in your head. Probably, you are better without them.
Divorce can leave you with low self-esteem and broken confidence. It also affects your mental health in ways that take a long time to recover.
It would be best if you tried meditating every day. It will clear your conscience and help you discover your confidence in the process.
Your heart and mind will be calmer, and you will feel more enthusiastic about life than before.
7. Keep distracting yourself
Recovering from divorce is tiresome, and if you don’t keep yourself occupied, you might find your thoughts wandering around the past.
To keep yourself from thinking about your past life or divorce, try to keep yourself occupied. Start reading books or binge-watching a series if you find yourself quickly pulled towards the negative thoughts about yourself or your divorce.
If you keep yourself busy, it will take your mind off the stress that comes with the separation.
There are many things you’ll need to focus on during this recovery time, and sometimes it may feel overwhelming.
But, you need to focus on yourself as an individual and decide what you need to do to help you let go of the past and look forward to the future.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.