It’s not easy to go through a divorce or legal separation – it’s an overwhelming and complicated ordeal for both spouses. Women are often more able to express themselves emotionally and will often find solace amongst their friends and family to help her deal with divorce.
But for a man, finding emotional support or even processing your emotions and practicing self-care can be difficult.
Which is why we have prepared this simple guide on how to prepare for a divorce for a man – so that you can move through the process as smoothly as possible.
Step 1: Plan!
Knowing the steps that you need to take during the divorce process, all of the things you need to consider and the decisions you need to make can make the whole divorce process easier and hopefully drama free!
To plan you’ll need to consider all of the following points:
Don’t allow yourself to react to emotive situations.
Ensure that you address your own needs and practice self-care.
Focus on being happy again in the future.
Step 2: Choose peace
This might be a difficult challenge, especially if your spouse does not choose peace but wherever possible choose to remain calm, balanced and objective.
Redirect your emotion by attending divorce counseling to guide you through you will find that you will lower the stress, anxiety and difficult relations that you may experience with your spouse.
If you do this, you won’t have any regrets about how you held yourself during the divorce process, and there will be nothing that your spouse can use against you in the future. Plus if you have children, your peaceful actions now will be likely to repay you as you build a new relationship with your ex-spouse as the mother of your children, and somebody who will still feature in your life in the future.
If you work through your divorce with the intention of keeping it as peaceful as possible your actions will repay you tenfold.
Also watch: 7 Most Common Reasons for Divorce
Step 3: Take care of yourself
Many men who divorce often find themselves couch surfing, living in uncomfortable conditions, not washing or not feeding themselves properly. This can cause the onslaught of depression and low self-esteem and can turn into a habit that you’ll probably wish you didn’t create for yourself in the future.
It’s also not going to help you meet somebody new (even if that’s something that you can’t even consider right now).
Make it a priority to find a safe, secure and suitable base for yourself, so that you have your basic needs at hand. Then set up a routine to take care of your food, sleep, and hygiene needs – even if sometimes you have to force yourself to go through the motions, you’ll be glad you did as your life evolves into a new happier place.
Step 4: Start getting organized
You’ll need to make hundreds of significant decisions during the divorce process that will affect you and your children for many years to come. The more organized you are, the better the quality of your lifestyle and negotiations (and resulting settlement agreement) will be.
This is where you’ll benefit from working with somebody who is experienced with the divorce process, so that they can lead you through all of the steps to help you financially prepare for all aspects of divorce, including negotiations.
Here are some things to consider during this stage;
Together with your spouse start making a list of assets and debts.
Gather copies of all financial records
Create a marital budget so you can understand what your current monthly expenses when living together are along with your estimated monthly expenses will be post-divorce.
Step 5: Work through the divorce WITH your spouse
Take time to talk with your spouse and discuss how you can help each other to divorce peacefully and where possible amicably. If you can, consider how you’ll deal with each other when you move on and meet new partners, how to interact when you are dealing with the children and address any other issues you are concerned will arise.
Consider attending premarital or post-marital divorce counseling together so that you can work through any problems while you are divorcing which means that when you’ve made it to the other side, you’ll have less emotional baggage and may even have a decent relationship with your ex-spouse as an added bonus!
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.