If your marriage is steering its way towards divorce, the last thing you want to do is just give up. The chances are that words like “save your marriage from divorce” keep reverberating in your head, and you struggle to find the best way to save your marriage.
Most people who are in a troubled marriage want to make every effort possible to save therelationship. Make your mantra be “No regrets.”
Once divorce happens, it’s done. You can’t go back. So you want to be able to say with full confidence, “I did everything I could.” Well, have you done everything possible yet?
When there is nolove lost between you and your spouse, and yet you want to make a fresh start and save your marriage from divorce, it’s time to look for some advice to save a marriage.
By working in the right direction, making corrective steps, you will be able to make headway in resurrecting your broken relationship with your spouse and save your marriage from divorce.
How can I save my marriage on the brink of divorce
Saving marriages that have been withered by the lack of nurturing, love, and commitment is an uphill task, and there is no definite answer or a quick fix to save a marriage from divorce.
Having said that, if you show willingness and a determined stance, there are some effective ways that can save a marriage from divorce. The article brings you some tips to save a marriage from divorce, strengthen your relationship, and even divorce-proof your marriage.
Even if you think your marriage is beyond repair and you are wondering if saving a marriage from divorce is a fruitful pursuit, these tips on how to save a marriage can salvage your relationship with your partner and enable a more collaborative marriage partnership.
If your marriage has a lot of troubles, all you need are some tips on how to save a failing marriage. In this article, check out some excellent ways on how to prevent a divorce and how to save your marriage from divorce:
1. Try to relax
It’s probably the last thing you want to do, but it’s crucial right now if you wish to start with how to save your marriage from divorce.
Don’t do anything rash out of anger or fear, like run to an attorney, tell all your friends, or go out on a drinking binge. Just slow down and think a little.
This first tip on how to save your marriage from divorce also includes being patient with yourself and your spouse.
2. Change what needs to be changed
When the word “divorce” enters the picture, it is usually because one or both members of the married couple are unhappy with something. The best remedy is to change something you are doing or aren’t doing. Get up and show your spouse you can do what it takes to make your marriage better.
How to save your marriage from divorce? Take your spouse on that trip they have always wanted. Fix that garage door that needs fixing.
Tips to save a marriage include telling them that you love them every day.
3. Focus on the positive in your mate
This is one of the hardest tips to follow. Perhaps your spouse has done something to jeopardize the marriage, or perhaps it’s just a general dissatisfaction that has caused things to become rocky in your relationship.
Either way, don’t point fingers. Nothing makes people more defensive than focusing on the negative. Instead, focus on the positive aspects of your spouse.
Make a list and keep it close by. When negative thoughts about your marriage creep in, review your list.
God forgives all, so why can’t you? Take that next step.
Forgive wholeheartedly, even if your spouse hasn’t changed yet.
The weight it will take off of your shoulders will allow you to move forward positively, and it may help your spouse change in ways you never thought possible.
5. Get into marriage counseling today
As a solution for how to save your marriage from divorce, Make counseling a top priority.
Find a good marriage counselor and make an appointment as soon as possible. An experienced marriage therapist can help you both reach common ground and work through deep-seated issues in a systematic way.
And, as you continue to go to sessions, you can both gauge your progress.
Are things getting a little easier the more you go?
Make sure you are putting in the effort during the counseling session and then following the therapist’s advice after the session.
6. Start connecting again
Many times, marriages end in divorce because couples stop talking. They stop connecting. That leads to them growing apart and then wondering, why are we even married?
If you feel disconnected, it can be hard to take that first step and get back to talking again. So start by remembering why you got married in the first place. What did you talk about then? What have you connected about since then? Show interest in what is most important to your spouse. Go on dates together. Laugh if you can.
What are they really trying to say to you? Sometimes it’s hard to actually say what we want or need. So pay attention to what is being said and what isn’t being said. What does your spouse need from you? More tenderness? More support in their pursuits?
Body language sometimes says volumes more than can be spoken. So, as an answer to how to save my marriage from divorce, listen with your heart and your eyes as well as with your ears.
Learn what it means to really listen so your spouse can feel most understood by you:
8. Connect in the bedroom
Couples on the brink of divorce typically aren’t spending much time together in the bedroom. When a husband and wife aren’t feeling close, or one has hurt the other, it can be hard to even want to have sex. But sometimes, that physical bond can also realign emotional bonds.
Orient towards compassion, rather than correctness
Seek help if you cannot control your emotions or behavior
Always remember you love your partner
10. Be vulnerable, speak from the heart
When relationships cool off, we feel vulnerable because we no longer “know” this other person; each of us is hiding behind our defenses.
But the more vulnerable we feel, the more we back off emotionally – which cools the relationship further.
To know how to save a marriage on the brink of divorce, we have to stop attacking as a defensive maneuver and love ourselves enough to be ready to be vulnerable, i.e., be real to one another.
Speaking from the heart can re-open the door and bring down defenses.
11. In times of conflict, remember what brought you together
Before making the decision to divorce, couples are encouraged to think about why they first became committed to each other.
One of the ways to save a marriage from divorce is to recall the feelings that once brought you together.
Imagine the wonderful person whom you originally loved and adored. If you can begin to access the positive emotions and memories that you had for your partner, you will have the opportunity to reevaluate your decision to divorce.
12. Acceptance via Friendship
As one of the steps to save marriage from divorce, learn to accept our partner for who they are, and not constantly try to change who they can be the key to saving the relationship. Throughout our lives, we change, we grow, we evolve. This is inevitable.
However, this can be threatening to the status quo of the relationship. We hold on too tightly to our partners, to a certain aspect of our relationship, a power dynamic, and any kind of shift is scary.
If we react and block our partner from growing over time, this can cripple and handicap our partner and the relationship, ultimately leading to divorce.
By recognizing and seeing our partner as a friend, someone we want the best for, someone we want to see happy and successful, and by recognizing that by giving our partners wings, we will also fly can be the most liberating experience.
13. Break the negative conflict cycle
When a couple is on the verge of a divorce, it is common to be stuck in a conflict cycle that leads to more negative emotions about your spouse.
One recurring cycle that is often seen is when one partner is critical and the other person is defensive. The more critical the one partner is, the more defensive the other person becomes.
The problem with being critical is you are attacking your partner intrinsically. Anytime someone feels that their character is being attacked, the automatic response is ‘defense.’
When a partner becomes defensive, it leads to the other partner not feeling heard, which can then result in more critical statements. Now the couple is in a never-ending cycle of negativity that creates more hostility!
Instead, change this cycle. Give the complaint instead or choose not to react with defense. A complaint focuses on the behavior and how it affected you instead of the person as a whole.
Instead of being defensive, stop, and ask your partner what behavior they are having difficulty within the relationship and that their words feel like an attack.
When you do something different, it forces you both to think before you react and when you think you might be able to have a different outcome.
14. Self-reflection and accountability
How do I save my marriage from divorce?
“Self-reflection and accountability are vital to saving a marriage on the verge of divorce.
Consistent examination and ownership of one’s thoughts and behaviors and its impact on marriage is necessary for a relationship to heal and grow.
An environment without this can lead to finger-pointing, resentment, and even irreparable damage.”
15. Remember the good memories
How to save your marriage from divorce? Re-create an emotional connection with your partner by reflecting on your wedding day.
Revisit your vows, speak to the support you felt by those in attendance, as well as the loving words (and embarrassing parts) of speeches and all parts in-between.
And don’t leave out memories like when your Uncle Bob showed off his dance moves!
How to stop a divorce
The causes of divorce are many. These include infidelity, abuse, addiction, neglect, and abandonment, to name a few.
It is very disheartening to know that 40% to 50% of marriages reportedly end in divorce. It is even more appalling to know that the percentage of second marriages that end in divorce is 60%, which is a whopping number.
Since there are multiple ways a marriage can fall apart, it may take many approaches to work on your marriage and stop a divorce. Some of these approaches could include therapy, marriage counseling, separation, forgiveness, retreats, and the like.
Now, how to stop divorce and save your marriage?
Turning the tide undoubtedly takes a lot of effort. But it is not impossible. You can save a marriage on the brink of divorce if you truly wish to do so.
While licensed and reputable therapists will not necessarily offer you some sort of marriage counseling guide, they will suggest some ways for couples to save a marriage from divorce, including reconciliation, improved communication acumen, rest, self-care, continuing education, and the like.
Counseling alone is not a cure-all, but counseling in concert with prayer and experiencing God’s love and grace can transform hearts and relationships!
It’s a great privilege for a great therapist to join God’s work in the lives of those on their way to greater freedom. God wants more for you and me and through us for others!
You can learn more ways to stop your divorce here.
Check if your marriage is worth saving. Take this quiz:
Following these tips is definitely going to stop couples from getting a divorce or delaying divorce to save marriage over trivial marital issues and help them resolve their conflicts in a constructive way.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.