How to Save Your Marriage From Divorce: 15 Ways
If your marriage is steering its way towards divorce, the last thing you want to do is give up without careful consideration. The chances are that questions like, “Can my marriage be saved” keep reverberating in your head, and you struggle to find the best way to save your marriage.
Most people who are in a troubled marriage want to make every effort possible to save the relationship. Once divorce happens, it’s done. You can’t go back. So you want to say with complete confidence, “I did everything I could.”
Well, have you done everything possible yet?
When there is no love lost between you and your spouse, and yet you want to make a fresh start, you may want to look at ways of learning how to save your marriage from divorce. This may be the time to seek advice to save a marriage.
By working in the right direction and making corrective steps, you will be able to make headway in resurrecting your broken relationship with your spouse and learning how to avoid divorce and save your marriage.
Related Reading: 10 Ways on How to Reset Your Marriage
How long should you try to save your marriage
Saving marriages that are withering because of the lack of nurturing, love, and commitment is an uphill task, and there is no definite answer or a quick fix to save a marriage from divorce.
It takes patience and a continuous openness to evolve with your partner. Sometimes it may take a few months to feel more positive about your marriage, but sometimes it can take a year or two. So, don’t give up hope just yet.
A definite timeline is not something you can rely on; you must rely on having the right attitude.
Turning the tide undoubtedly takes a lot of effort. But it is not impossible. You can find ways of saving a marriage from divorce if you genuinely wish to do so.
If you show a willingness to change and a determined stance, there are some effective ways that can save a marriage from divorce.
Even if you think your marriage is beyond repair and you are wondering if saving a marriage from divorce is a fruitful pursuit, these tips on how to save a marriage can salvage your relationship with your partner and enable a more collaborative marriage partnership.
The article brings you some tips to save a marriage from divorce, strengthen your relationship, and even divorce-proof your marriage.
15 ways on how to save your marriage from divorce
If your marriage has a lot of troubles, all you need are tips on saving a failing marriage. In this article, check out some excellent ways on how to prevent divorce and how to save your marriage from divorce:
1. Try to relax
It’s probably the last thing you want to do, but it’s crucial right now if you wish to start with how to save your marriage from divorce.
Don’t do anything rash out of anger or fear, like run to an attorney, tell all your friends, or go out on a drinking binge. Just slow down and think a little.
This first tip on how to save your marriage from divorce also includes being patient with yourself and your spouse.
2. Discuss what’s wrong
When divorce is imminent, stopping it requires some effort.
Partners must consistently work on the relationship to get it back to a place where you can consistently improve. To reach that point, spouses must overcome any hostility.
The way to do that is by identifying what is wrong in the marriage.
With couples counseling, spouses can have these often tricky discussions in a productive, non-accusatory manner. Remember, when divorce is imminent, having the right attitude to solve issues can help save your marriage.
3. Change what needs to be changed
When the word “divorce” enters the picture, it is usually because one or both members of the married couple are unhappy with something.
The best remedy is to change something you are doing or aren’t doing. Get up and show your spouse you can do what it takes to make your marriage better.
How to save your marriage from divorce? Take your spouse on that trip they have always wanted. Fix that garage door that needs fixing.
Tips to save a marriage include telling them that you love them daily.
Also Try: What Is Wrong With My Marriage Quiz
4. Solve one problem at a time
After the problems are identified and both spouses work on expressing their emotions more effectively, come up with a solution together. The best way to do this is to address one problem at a time.
To stop an imminent divorce successfully, cooperation is key.
When divorce is imminent, behaviors must change and you must devote time to the cause.
Finding a solution to each problem makes fixing the marriage a priority. Be proactive in your efforts. If one person fails to do their part, nothing will be resolved.
Related Reading: 25 Common Marriage Problems Faced by Couples & Their Solutions
5. Focus on the positives in your mate
Perhaps your spouse has done something to jeopardize the marriage, or perhaps it’s just a general dissatisfaction that has caused things to become rocky in your relationship.
Either way, don’t point fingers. Nothing makes people more defensive than focusing on the negative. Instead, focus on the positive aspects of your spouse.
Please make a list and keep it close by. When negative thoughts about your marriage creep in, review your list.
6. Work towards forgiveness
One of the best ways to save your marriage from divorce is to allow forgiveness. It is the ultimate form of love and is a vehicle for change. Forgiveness can be hard, and sometimes it will feel impossible. But start the process. Think about it and ask for help when necessary.
God forgives all, so why can’t you? Take that next step.
Forgive wholeheartedly, even if your spouse hasn’t changed yet.
The weight it will take off your shoulders will allow you to move forward positively and may help your spouse change in ways you never thought possible.
Related Reading: The Significance and Importance of Forgiveness in a Marriage
7. Get into marriage counseling today
As a solution for how to save your marriage from divorce, Make counseling a top priority.
Find a good marriage counselor and make an appointment as soon as possible. An experienced marriage therapist can help you both reach common ground and systematically work through deep-seated issues.
And, as you continue to go to sessions, you can both gauge your progress.
Are things getting a little easier the more you go?
Make sure you are putting in the effort during the counseling session and then following the therapist’s advice after the session.
8. Start connecting again
Many times, marriages end in divorce because couples stop talking. They stop connecting. That leads to them growing apart and then wondering, why are we even married?
If you feel disconnected, it can be hard to take that first step and get back to talking again. So start by remembering why you got married in the first place.
What did you talk about then? What have you connected about since then? Show interest in what is most important to your spouse. Go on dates together. Laugh if you can.
It will help lighten up your marriage and help things be fun again.
Related Reading: 4 Tips to Help You Connect Emotionally with Your Spouse
9. Question yourself
What happened? When and where did it go wrong? What was your contribution to the problem? When did you stop trying? And why do you still want to save the marriage?
All of these are the questions you would hear from a therapist and are essential to understanding the problem and the path towards solving it.
10. Listen to your spouse
What are they really trying to say to you? Sometimes it’s hard to say what we want or need. So pay attention to what is being said and what isn’t being said.
What does your spouse need from you? More tenderness? More support in their pursuits?
Body language sometimes says volumes more than can be spoken. So, as an answer to how to save my marriage from divorce, keep your heart, eyes and ears open.
Learn what it means to listen so that your spouse can feel most understood by you:
Related Reading: The Importance of Art of Listening in a Relationship
11. Connect in the bedroom
Couples on the brink of divorce typically aren’t spending much time together in the bedroom. When a husband and wife aren’t feeling close, or one has hurt the other, it can be hard to even want to have sex. But sometimes, that physical bond can also realign emotional bonds.
Try to look at intimacy in a new way—a way to save your marriage.
Take things slow and talk about what you need right now. Try to connect in new ways.
Related Reading: How a Lack of Physical Intimacy Can Hurt Your Marriage
12. Follow principles to resolve conflicts
- Take time Outs & return within an hour
- Be the first to say, “I’m sorry.”
- Your ‘first words’ describe what you said or did that made it worse
- Seek first to understand your partner before seeking understanding for yourself
- Orient towards compassion, rather than correctness
- Seek help if you cannot control your emotions or behavior
- Always remember you love your partner
Related Reading: 7 Causes for Conflict in Marriage and How to Resolve Them
13. Be vulnerable, speak from the heart
When relationships cool off, we feel vulnerable because we no longer “know” this other person; each of us hides behind our defenses.
But the more vulnerable we feel, the more we back off emotionally – which cools the relationship further.
To know how to save a marriage on the brink of divorce, we must stop attacking as a defensive maneuver and love ourselves enough to be ready to be vulnerable, i.e., be real to one another.
Speaking from the heart can re-open the door and bring down defenses.
Check out this video to learn more about the importance of being vulnerable:
14. Remember what brought you together
Before deciding to divorce, couples are encouraged to think about why they first became committed to each other.
One of the ways to save a marriage from divorce is to recall the feelings that once brought you together.
Imagine the wonderful person whom you initially loved and adored. If you can begin to access the positive emotions and memories that you had for your partner, you will have the opportunity to reevaluate your decision to divorce.
15. Respect your partner’s decisions
If your spouse wants the divorce (more), you should accept this. It won’t help to be in denial. And once you’ve accepted this, it is crucial to get to the root of how they came to this decision.
So, it would be best if you also validated your partner’s emotions and perception of your marriage.
Once you accept that you’re both entitled to your own reactions, you should also take responsibility for your part in the problem. Regardless of the perceived hurt, your spouse might have caused you, rest assured that they have a rationale behind their actions.
And. if you want to save your marriage, you need to fully accept their perspective, no matter how difficult it might be for you.
Related Reading: How Seeing Things From Your Partner’s Perspective Can Boost Your Love
16. Acceptance via friendship
One of the tips to save marriage from divorce is to learn to accept our partners for who they are and not constantly try to change who they can be the key to saving the relationship. Throughout our lives, we change, we grow, we evolve. This is inevitable.
However, this can be threatening to the status quo of the relationship. We hold on too tightly to our partners, a certain aspect of our relationship, a power dynamic, and any shift is scary.
If we react and block our partner from growing over time, this can cripple and handicap our partner and the relationship, ultimately leading to divorce.
Try to recognize and see our partner as a friend, someone we want the best for, someone we want to see happy and successful. And recognize that by giving our partners wings, we will also fly can be the most liberating experience.
Related Reading: How To Make Your Spouse Your Best Friend: 6 Ways
17. Break the negative conflict cycle
When a couple is on the verge of a divorce, it is common to be stuck in a conflict cycle that leads to more negative emotions about your spouse.
One recurring cycle that is often seen is when one partner is critical and the other person is defensive. The more critical the one partner is, the more defensive the other person becomes.
The problem with being critical is you are attacking your partner intrinsically. Anytime someone feels that their character is being attacked, the automatic response is ‘defense.’
When a partner becomes defensive, the other partner does not feel heard, resulting in more critical statements. Now the couple is in a never-ending cycle of negativity that creates more hostility!
Instead, change this cycle. Give the complaint instead or choose not to react with defense. A complaint focuses on the behavior and how it affected you instead of the person as a whole.
Instead of being defensive, stop, and ask your partner what behavior they are having difficulty with within the relationship and that their words feel like an attack.
When you do something different, it forces you both to think before you react and when you think you might be able to have a different outcome.
18. Self-reflection and accountability
How do I save my marriage from divorce?
Self-reflection and accountability are vital to saving a marriage on the verge of divorce.
Consistent examination and ownership of one’s behavior and its impact on marriage is necessary for a relationship to heal and grow.
An environment without this can lead to finger-pointing, resentment, and even irreparable damage.
19. Remember the good memories
How to save your marriage from divorce? Re-create an emotional connection with your partner by reflecting on your wedding day.
Revisit your vows, speak to the support you felt from those in attendance, the loving words (and embarrassing parts) of speeches and all parts in-between.
And don’t leave out memories like when your Uncle Bob showed off his dance moves!
20. Space can help
Sometimes all that you need for things to become a little better is to give each other space and time to think things through.
Even though distance may scare you, it could be misinterpreted as giving up on the relationship and your partner. However, space can sometimes help save a bad situation from getting worse.
Related Reading: 15 Signs You Need Space in Your Relationship
It isn’t over yet
The causes of divorce are many. These include infidelity, abuse, addiction, neglect, and abandonment, to name a few.
Since there are multiple ways a marriage can fall apart, it may take many approaches to work on your marriage and stop a divorce. These approaches could include therapy, marriage counseling, separation, forgiveness, retreats, etc.
Now, how to stop divorce and save your marriage?
To save your marriage and avoid divorce, partners should be honest about the trouble in the marriage and seek divorce advice.
Following these tips will stop couples from getting a divorce or delaying divorce to save marriage over trivial marital issues and help them resolve their conflicts constructively.
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