Divorce can never be easy. You will find yourself lost, confused, too sensitive, disappointed. But, what you need to be aware of is that it is completely normal to feel this way. It would be strange if you didn’t. Focusing on how bad you feel or thinking about what may be wrong with you is not going to lead you anywhere.
Searching for ways to make yourself cope with it efficiently and take control of the chaos around you is the best you can do right now. Eventually, the work you put in to get through this process will pay off. You may not believe it now, but you will come out of it on the other side as a stronger person.
Here is the best advice about what you need to do during this tough period to make it a little bit more sustainable. And most importantly, not to repeat the same mistakes as most people do, but to learn from their experience.
Take care of yourself
The ideal solution would be to see a therapist to guide you through this process. In the end, that’s what they are educated for. You don’t need to be alone in this. The most important thing right now is for you to heal and feel good again.
If you don’t take care of your emotions now, it could leave a scar, and the consequences could show up later on in life when you start dating again or when the kids grow up. So, now is the best moment to deal with it.
Stop blaming or criticizing yourself. It is not your fault. It is not anyone’s fault. It is just an end of a chapter in your life. Make sure to understand it and to be kind to yourself.
Take care of your finances
To start a new life, you need to have financial stability. So, make sure that you make a post-divorce financial plan because, things are changing, there is no one to count on except yourself.
It is crucial to be informed about all the legal issues regarding the divorce and to be smart and educated in the financial settlement. Gather all the necessary documents and keep track of all of your income and expenses.
Before the settlement, open a separate account or put some money aside, because there will be a lot of expenses.
Keep a good relationship with your ex
During the settlement, less fighting means more money. If you could talk it out on your own, that would be perfect. But, if that is not an option, try to be as civil as you can and find a way to make a compromise. Hire a mediator, if you feel like you can’t do it on your own. If your ex is insulting you, try not to react, hang up the phone, ignore it.
If you have children, then you must maintain a good relationship even after the divorce. He is going to be a part of your kids’ lives forever. Put aside your differences and stop bad-mouthing each other. It doesn’t matter how angry you are. Take responsibility, control your emotions and be a good role model for your children.
Maintain a healthy relationship with friends and family
A lot of people will ask you about the reason for your divorce, about how you are handling it, or about your current relationship with your ex. It can put you in a bad mood, or catch you off guard. Sometimes, it will feel like a perfect opportunity to vent and babble everything to a stranger.
So, the best way to deal with it is to prepare answers in advance and just repeat them every time someone asks you the divorce related questions.
Also, make sure that you allow the people you care about to help you, especially if you have children. It is okay to get help, at least for a while. Don’t try to convince everyone that you are fine if you don’t actually feel like it. You will be, eventually, but to get there, you need support.
On the other hand, everyone will give you different opinions and advice, so be careful to listen to only the people you trust.
Focus on the future
It may be tough now, but one day, you will have a new, different life. So, forget about the past, focus on building your future.
Make sure that you take care of your emotions and finances and then start moving on. Keep a good relationship with people around you, including your ex, because social support will help you cope with it faster. It’ll motivate you to be your best self. But, be careful to listen only to people you trust. And, to those you don’t, prepare answers that you feel comfortable with.
Keep in mind that this is just a chapter of your life, not an end.
It does get better.