A partnership is as mental and emotional as physical involvement. The thought pattern one mate incorporates has substantial effects on the union’s health.
If there are purely negative thoughts in a relationship, even from only one person, the entire vibe will be anxiety-ridden, with both partners feeling there are problems where there are likely none.
One concern is that people often focus most time and energy on negative elements or upsetting things instead of recognizing the sound or positive occurrences in life.
If someone were to criticize an error, we dwell endlessly and vent about that critique. On the contrary, if that same person were to say in passing “way to go,” the same energy would not be placed on the compliment.
In fact, many people would find a way to put a negative spin, like trying to figure out what it was supposed to mean or how it’s about time they’re appreciated. The same thing happens in relationships; the power is not merely in the spoken word but what a mate is thinking.
Your constant negative thoughts about a relationship could be affecting its overall health.
What is negativity in a relationship?
Negativity in relationships is an unhealthy pattern of retaining feelings of fear, anger, sadness, frustration, or perhaps resentment if a partner says or does something that might upset you. You might imply that you’ve moved past the incident, but you’re carrying these negative emotions.
Maintaining a healthy partnership is tough enough, let alone dealing with an opposing spouse or mate. If you carry fear or negativity concerning a partner, it can deteriorate the connection you’ve established. It’s essential to communicate so these sour feelings can revert to positivity instead of hiding real feelings.
What causes negative thinking in a relationship?
Typically the cause of negative thinking in a relationship is when a partner says or does something that upsets you. Instead of having an open, honest discussion or argument about the issue, you keep these feelings to yourself.
Expressing hurt or upset feelings instead of internalizing these things is essential rather than dwelling on negative thoughts. This thinking begins to cause the two of you to drift apart and can ultimately result in the partnership’s demise if not eventually handled.
Check out these two booksin one, helping to eliminate negative thinking for union and overcoming couple conflicts.
10 Signs of a negative relationship
If you’re the person on the receiving end of a negative relationship, it can be draining of your energy and overall make you feel plain bad. You might not immediately recognize the problem, but ultimately you’ll notice warning signsthat set off alarms. Here are a few tips.
1. There is no longer solace in the partnership
When a mate holds onto negative thoughts in a relationship, the stress and tension from a long, exhaustive day carry over into the home environment with no solace from your partner.
Generally, there’s a lessening of these feelings at the very sight of the one you love. When that doesn’t happen, or if it worsens, it speaks to the effect of negative thoughts on marriage or a relationship.
That means you either communicate your dissatisfaction in attempting to resolve the problem or consider separating from the individual since they’re making no effort to move past their negativity. You don’t want to get sucked into the pattern.
2. You experience avoid despite being in the same space
Even when you’re supposed to be enjoying time together, there is a noticeable void between the two of you; no sense of wholeness, instead, feeling empty.
Your mate is making little effort to fill the space, offering no communication and maintaining a cool distance. When there is a conversation, it’s more bickering than pleasant.
3. Sharing feels unnatural
In the beginning, sharing every second of the day was expected regardless of how small the accomplishment or the event that occurred. With the negative thoughts in a relationship, it seems unnatural to share now.
These small details now are met with disdain and critiqued instead of applauded. You now feel better calling a friend or family member at the end of a day to go over the day’s activities.
Where once there was safety and security in the relationship, there is now unsureness. At one point, you could spend some time away with friends and family, enjoy independence or individual interests, or enjoy some personal space and quiet time simply going out shopping alone.
But now, there is constantly questioning as to why you feel the need to venture out alone or asking if friends and family have become more important to you over them.
Questions you’ve never had to deal with before, now your mate is suddenly paranoid about your behavior when they’re not around because the controlling negative thoughts are taking over.
5. There is continuous complaining about everything
When there are negative thoughts in a relationship, one of the primary signs is there is rarely positive feedback regardless of the effort, whether it be around the house, with finances, when out in social situations.
Burning negative thoughts lead to nothing but complaints in every scenario, leaving you with a loss of confidence and lessening self-esteem.
There is an apparent resentment from your partner for some wrong they believe you’ve committed. Coming forward with that detail with clear communication is not happening, and you’re unsure of what occurred to lead to the possible demise of the partnership.
When your partner is always negative, there is no longer support; instead, it almost feels as though they demean instead of encouraging growth or building you up to work towards your goals and dreams.
Any time there is an effort to try a new hobby or engage outside of your comfort zone, your mate does their best to hold you back now, demonstrating a lack of confidence in your abilities and almost placing little importance on the news you share about new possibilities, a promotion at work, or personal accolades you could be up for.
This is one reason you’ve been sharing with friends and family instead of finding it pertinent to talk with your partner over details in your private life.
7. Lack of love and caring
While you desire to feel a sense of love and caring, the outward appearance is that there is none due to the negative thoughts in the relationship.
It’s constant negativity in a relationship that ultimately leads to one person feeling like finding someone who can provide the loving feelings they’re missing out on at home.
The partnership is no longer fulfilling since your mate won’t stop thinking negative thoughts even though you attempted to speak about the issue. Still, they either aren’t recognizing what’s happening or are having difficulties understanding. The only recourse seems to be to dismiss the union.
8. Arguments and bickering have become the course of the day
Instead of constructive communication, there are constant arguments and bickering between you. You seem to endure regular complaining leading to snapping at your mate, which develops into a full-on argument.
If you’re having difficulty recalling moments when you snuggle on the couch watching a movie, take a nice walk hand-in-hand or even share a kiss, that’s an indication that your mate is not letting go of negative thoughts but allowing them to consume their mind.
It results in your partner viewing you in a negative light each time they merely see you instantly, causing them to react regardless of the situation leading to contention and fights.
Attempting to discuss the issue would be ideal in a healthy circumstance, but given the fact that your significant other is overwhelmed by negative thoughts in a relationship, discussing anything in a positive, healthy context will prove challenging, if at all possible.
9. Decisions are made without discussion
When each person opts to make crucial decisions without discussing the subject, there are undoubtedly negative thoughts in a relationship on the part of at least one member in the partnership.
Significant life decisions need to be carefully thought through as partners. It’s one thing to decide whether you’ll purchase new items for the home, but whether you’ll take a promotion or even take a financial investment is each thing that can speak to the deterioration of a relationship when decided separately.
That’s especially true if the promotion requires moving. It means you’re trying to make a negative situation work.
10. Lies are second nature
When you begin to lie to each other and know that you are doing so, it leads to trust issues. Trust is exceptionally challenging to repair, primarily if the lies are related to one or even both of you stepping outside of the partnership in either an emotional or physical affair.
Before it gets to that point, it’s better to talk about how negativity can kill a relationship advising your partner that is what’s happening with the two of you.
Remind your partner that the lies are not helping but more so hindering what is already a volatile situation and that if they want to repair the union, a third-party counselor is a way to receive help.
You can’t do it alone because it’s been going nowhere; instead, becoming worse to the point that you’re being false with each other. There is all likelihood that a mate can deny the issue of negativity in a relationship by attempting to point the finger in an accusatory gesture.
In that case, you realize the partnership is no longer important to them. That means you need to become involved in individual counseling and move forward on your own, finding a healthy relationship and ridding yourself of this toxicity.
Here is researchto help you see how negativity can kill a relationship.
Check out this video about the types of lying and dealing with these relationship lies:
How to let go of negative thought patterns in a relationship?
Everyone has the potential for overthinking when it comes to a relationship, with our brains succumbing to constant thoughts in a given minute throughout each day.
Still, it’s essential to recognize when these patterns become unhealthy for our mates and us in a partnership through negative thoughts in a relationship.
These can wreak havoc, causing the union to deteriorate steadily and, if not handled, ultimately end.
The negativity needs to be redirected into positive thought processes whenever possible, using steps that allow you to feel them but then also to release them. Learn the magic relationship ratio with this study. Let’s look.
Allow yourself to step away from the thoughts
Remind yourself that your thoughts don’t define you. You are holding them while taking a look at the negativity and keeping it in a safe place but choosing not to react at the moment.
Give them a separate identity apart from your own, so you know you do have control over them. It gives you perspective, lets you understand that negativity is a temporary element in your life.
Recognize the thoughts
Once you have identified the negative thoughts in relationship with their own label, it’s time to acknowledge that they do exist. They will nag at you until you do, like an annoying, loud, obnoxious puppy dog.
When you finally get tired of the sounds, pay attention to what it is they’re “saying to you” so you can learn why they’re there.
You might believe it’s due to something your mate did or said, but find that it’s related to a past relationship. An excellent way to do this is through journaling or even meditation.
Feeling the feelings
People are often afraid to allow themselves to feel the emotions they’re having. That’s precisely how to stop thinking negative thoughts when you let yourself think them, acknowledge them, feel them and then let go.
When you employ deep breathing while tuning into your body, regardless of which area in the body you’re holding the negative thoughts, you’ll develop greater clarity as to why these negative thoughts exist and a sense of how to resolve the issues.
Be grateful and allow the presence
In reality, negative thoughts in relationships and any other scenario are meant to protect us. They alert us or warn us of potential harm. They are entitled to a “thank you” more than fear or dislike. Without these, there would be no indications when things were somewhat off.
While we need to accept the annoyances, they also need to take a supportive role and not take control. You can only give them the time to figure out why they present themselves and then consider how to release them.
There are numerous ways you can release these, with a letter venting about the issue bringing you to this point so the mind can empty of the thoughts or speaking with a friend, possibly your mate, to serve the same purposes.
Once the thoughts have been let go, you can’t let them back in. It will help if you replace these with positivity.
Negative thoughts in a relationship can fester, ultimately helping to deteriorate what was a healthy union. When you see that your partner does not recognize the behavior and you have minimal effect with constructive communication, the only step is third-party couple’s counseling if you believe the partnership is salvageable.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.