The dilemma of separation is either a divorce or a restored marriage. Your conduct during this period determines the route your marriage takes. The future of your marriage all lies in your hands. Before you make any sinister move, make sure both of you share the same goal on the direction of your marriage through the separation. Do you want to have a fulfilling separation? Here are some restraints
1. Don’t get into a relationship immediately
Just after the separation, your unstable emotions do not allow you to effectively manage a rebound relationship. What makes you think you will stay in the current relationship? Give yourself time to heal. It is time to reflect and reevaluate yourself on your role in the separation. Yes, your partner may be wrong; you also had your faults in the relationship. Getting into a relationship complicates your healing process, by the time you come to your senses you have lost your current and old relationship. Who wants to date someone with a relationship baggage? When your partner also realizes you have moved on, he or she stops any efforts to restore the marriage. Some of the reasons for separation might be “reconcilable” but the intrusion of a rebound relationship escalates to “irreconcilable differences”.
2. Never seek a separation without the consent of your partner
Putting your partner in darkness on the course of your marriage during this period makes marriage restoration an uphill task. Separation builds stronger marriages when handled with the right knowledge and skills. Taking time off away from one another gives you a chance to make a logical decision without the influence of your partner. Have a mature meeting with your partner before the separation to have clear cut goals on the duration of the separation; the expectations from both ends and responsibilities. This puts each partner in the picture of the course of the relationship.
In fact, through your constant communication, you gauge the situation on the future of your relationship. When a partner comes back home to find an empty house with no solid reason, in defense, he or she can beat you in your own game by escalating the separation further through cutting communication. It is through communication that you let your partner know your reason for separation as you develop a shared goal for each spouse during this trying time.
3. Don’t rush to sign divorce papers
Marriage lawyers are never quick to rush couples into divorce because they understand the power of time in healing emotions. You might have a solid reason for separation; but allow forgiveness to take center stage to salvage your marriage. Take time off away from your partner to reflect and give your partner yet another chance. Rushing for a divorce may lead to bitterness due to regrets.
Separation is just the first step towards divorce or a restored marriage. Rushing to get a divorce does not give you a chance to have a dialogue and come to a compromise for the sake of your relationship or the children.
4. Don’t bad mouth your partner infront of the kids
This is not the time to talk ill of your partner with the kids in a bid to win their trust, rather a good time to talk to them to understand the situation and reassure them of your love. If your partner agrees to co-parent then support him or her for personality development of the children. In case a partner refuses to take responsibility, just let them know the situation without bad mouthing your partner. Do not drag the kids into the separation mess, they are emotionally disturbed as well; allow them to grow in their innocence with the basic knowledge of living in separate homes.
5. Never deny your partner the right to co-parenting
Give your partner a chance to take a parental role in line with the agreement. The separation is between the two of you; maintain the innocence of the children. Although, some restraint is advisable to allow a partner never to use the children to bring you back together without solving the critical issues between the two of you. Co-parenting minimizes the chance of children going into depression because of your separation.
The restraints during separation act as guides to restore your marriage. Take into account that you are living separately to gauge whether you still want to continue with the marriage relationship. Prolonged separation with no sign of progress is an indicator of an impending divorce; use your own discretion with the help of your marriage counselor to guide you on the best decision for your marriage.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.