Are you considering getting separated, of late? The dissolution of marriage can be genuinely distressing. And hence it is crucial to figure out what not to do during a separation.
The dilemma of separation is either a divorce or a restored marriage. Your conduct during this period determines the route your wedding takes. The future of your wedding all lies in your hands.
Before you make any bad move, make sure both of you share the same goal in the direction of your marriage through the separation. So, do you want to have a fulfilling separation?
Here are five key tips on what not to do during a separation.
1. Don’t get into a relationship immediately
Just after the separation, your unstable emotions do not allow you to manage a rebound relationship effectively. So, what not to do during a separation?
Give yourself time to heal. It is time to reflect and reevaluate yourself on your role in the separation. Yes, your partner may be wrong; you also had your faults in the relationship.
Getting into a relationship too soon after the separation complicates your healing process.
By the time you come to your senses, you have lost your current and old relationship. Moreover, who wants to date someone with a piece of relationship baggage!
During the trial separation, when your partner realizes you have moved on, they too can possibly stop all efforts to restore the marriage.
Some of the reasons for separation might be “reconcilable,” but the intrusion of a rebound relationship escalates to “irreconcilable differences.”
2. Never seek a separation without the consent of your partner
Are you aiming to restore your relationship? If yes, take into account the following advice on what not to do during a separation.
Putting your partner in darkness during the process of marriage separation makes marriage restoration an uphill task. Separation builds stronger marriages when handled with the right knowledge and skills.
Taking time off away from one another gives you a chance to make a logical decision without the influence of your partner. Have a mature meeting with your partner before the separation.
A marriage separation agreement can help you to decide on the clear cut goals on the duration of the separation, including the expectations from both ends, and responsibilities.
This puts each partner in the picture of the course of the relationship. In fact, through your constant communication, you gauge the situation on the future of your relationship.
When a partner comes back home to find an empty house with no solid reason, in defense, he or she can beat you in your own game by escalating the separation further through cutting communication.
It is through communication that you let your partner know your reason for separation in marriage. Healthy communication can help develop a shared goal for each spouse during this trying time.
3. Don’t rush to sign divorce papers
In the contest of separation vs divorce, it is better to prefer marital separation at first.
Marriage lawyers are never quick to rush couples into divorce because they understand the power of time in healing emotions. You might have a solid reason for legal separation, but allow forgiveness to take center stage to salvage your marriage.
So, what not to do during a separation?
Take time off away from your partner to reflect and give your partner yet another chance. Rushing to get legally separated may lead to bitterness due to regrets.
Separation is just a step afore divorce or a restored marriage. Rushing for a divorce does not give you a chance to have a dialogue and come to a compromise for the sake of your relationship or the children.
4. Don’t bad mouth your partner in front of the kids
What not to do during a separation, when kids are involved?
This is not the time to talk ill of your partner with the kids in a bid to win their trust, rather a good time to talk to them to understand the situation and reassure them of your love.
5. Never deny your partner the right to co-parenting
One of the important pieces of marriage separation advice is to give your partner a chance to take a parental role in line with the agreement.
The separation is between the two of you.
So, amid the rules of separation in marriage, and the mess of separation papers or spousal maintenance, it is imperative to not affect the innocence of the children.
Although, some restraint is advisable to allow a partner never to use the children to bring you back together without solving the critical issues between the two of you. Co-parenting minimizes the chance of children going into depression because of your separation.
Now that you know what not to do during a separation, try separating from your husband or spouse maturely. You can follow the same guidelines when you are separated but living together.
Have a look at the video given below to know the possible reasons for a failing relationship. Perhaps the video can help you to evaluate your situation better and take the necessary action
While you are living separately, take into account all the positives as well as negatives of staying apart, to gauge whether you still want to continue with the marriage, or not. You can choose to fix your relationship if both of you wish to continue the marriage.
At the same time, remember that a prolonged separation with no sign of progress is an indicator of an impending divorce. So, use your discretion with the help of your marriage counselor to guide you on the best decision for your marriage.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.