Facing loneliness after divorce or separation from a partner is common. Yet very few people address the issue. Even as you are happy that there would be no more conflicts with that person, you start spiraling into a state of extreme loneliness. So how do you deal with such a state where you feel lonely after divorce?
Albert Einstein once said, “I find it strange to be so universally known, and yet so perpetually lonely.” It’s amazing to think that the brilliant physicist – who commanded the attention of presidents, generals, engineers, students, researchers, and millionaires alike – struggled with the most basic expectations of intimacy.
Although he had the world at his fingertips, Einstein had deep intimacy problems in his personal life and felt – at times – utterly alone. Confronting infidelity, separation, and divorce in his lifetime, Einstein’s final years were pure hell. Awash in his loneliness and depressed, Einstein died with only the hospital nurse at his side. But what about the rest of us?
Can we see Einstein’s train wreck of a personal life as a cautionary tale as we deal with our own marital dissolution?
We may crave for personal space and me time but can a person really function as an island? Don’t we all crave for companionship and intimacy at some point?
But what happens when you fall out of a relationship? What if you have started having feelings of loneliness in an unhappy marriage? Living alone after divorce is one thing but feeling alone even when you are married can be very depressing too. Read on to know how you can deal with loneliness after divorce or separation.
The reality bites
Despite our outpouring of energy and spirit, marriages can and will fail.
Statistics indicate that nearly 50% of all marriages in the US end in divorce. The question is, what do we do once we find ourselves slipping into the abyss of loneliness? Do we gear-up for combat with our former lovers are do we concentrate on making the most of our lives post-divorce?
If you choose the route of high-conflict separation and divorce, prepare to spend 50 K or more of your hard-earned money trying to end the relationship. Is it really worth this kind of fight? Are you willing to let some history and anger go so that you may live again?
Facing depression after divorce: A healthier approach
If you want to flourish in the aftermath of a failed relationship, take care of yourself.
For dealing with loneliness after divorce tend to your physical health, visit a therapist regularly or seek good counsel from a spiritual leader. Divorce depression and loneliness due to depression is not something that you need to carry as a mental burden for all your life.
Most people face bouts of loneliness after divorce as they feel shameful about sharing their problems with their closed ones or even a therapist. This restricts their path to recovery, their social life and creates a vicious cycle of loneliness where they think that they are better off on their own.
They may think that no solution is available at hand or find it difficult to trust others. In such cases, taking the help of support groups where other people are also facing loneliness after divorce may prove to be an excellent remedy. Nothing better than talking to people who are in the same boat, right?
If that seems like a daunting task considering that getting over a divorce is not easy, start by keeping a journal to record your thoughts each day. Even as you pour out your sorrows in your diary, you will feel like you are talking to your best friend. Someone who is listening and not judging you for your feelings of loneliness after divorce.
How to deal with loneliness after separation: Don’t confuse a season for a lifetime
Treat the bad experience just like a phase that got over when it had to. There are other joys in your life that need to be explored. Being depressed after divorce maybe common but living with feelings of loneliness after divorce is not what you should put up with for the rest of your life. So go out there and start discovering yourself to find out what matters to you the most (is it inner peace? is it having a sense of adventure? is it being somewhere else?).
Remember: The worst is over.
Dealing with loneliness after divorce: Making a slow and steady transition
Overcoming divorce related issues takes time so you need to gradually transition into finding what makes you happy and then work towards it. After divorce or separation your partner may have moved on with someone else and it hurts. But that should not affect your joy and inner peace as it should come from within.
If you have children under your care, provide adequate support for them, too. In fact, family counseling provides a means by which everyone’s concerns may be identified and considered. Above all, recognize that life can and will go on if you allow yourself time and opportunity to heal.
Take your time to grieve over a failed relationship but when the feelings of loneliness after divorce start to creep by all means try to come out of your shell to see the sun, meet new people sans any expectations and indulge in some self-love by spending time with the most important person in your life – YOU!
If you need further reason to engage in vibrant self-care to deal with loneliness after divorce or separation, consider this – Your healing will inspire others in your circle of care to engage in self-care as well.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.