Being married to your best friend is wonderful, but when you feel more like friends than lovers, that’s when things can start to unravel. Intimacy is an important part of a marriage and without it, you can feel as if you’re living with a roommate rather than your spouse.
Before you can understand intimacy issues and how to overcome intimacy issues in your marriage, you need to know what intimacy in marriage is. The conception of the term intimacy mostly varies between men and women, where men associate intimacy in marriage with sex and women associate it with an emotional connection.
However, intimacy in a marriage or a relationship is actually a culmination of both the emotional and physical feelings, which you can openly express to your partner without feeling vulnerable.
No intimacy in marriage or a marriage without intimacy sooner than later is the reason for the demise of that relationship. Be it physical or emotional, the survival of any marriage is contingent upon how intimate the couple is.
Some of the common intimacy problems or the signs of intimacy issues that couples face during the course of their marriage are:
- Unable to meet each other’s sexual expectations
- Stress and tension
- Awkwardness during sex
- Different libidos or mismatched intimacy levels
- Unrealistic sexual needs
- Validation through sex
- Fear of intimacy
- Avoiding intimacy
Once you have established the intimacy disorders that you are dealing with, the effects of a lack of intimacy in a relationship would also become quite obvious. Some of the effects of a lack of intimacy in marriage or lack of intimacy in a relationship are as follows:
- Feeling isolated and distant
- Unable to communicate your emotions properly
- Living vastly separate lives
- Less or no sex
- No shared interests and hobbies
- Fostering resentment and anger
Now that we know about the causes, let’s discover how to fix intimacy problems in a marriage
Being in a relationship without intimacy or living in a marriage without intimacy is by far the worst thing that can happen to anyone, so how come married couples often find themselves at this juncture in their relationship?
So, how to bring back intimacy in a marriage? Fortunately, there are things that you can do to restore intimacy in a marriage.
1. Talk to each other
It’s so simple yet so many couples fail to do it. Communication is key in any relationship, but all too often we let our hectic lives and responsibilities get in the way.
Before you know it you’ve gone from staying up all night talking when dating to barely mustering a grunt here and there. And the longer this goes on, the more resentful you become until you’re living like strangers under the same roof.
Take the time to talk to your partner about their day and to share about yours. While talking about the kids and schedules is important, it’s also important to talk to each other like people. Share a laugh, share your goals and dreams, and enjoy communicating.
This is about more than just sex. It’s about a kiss when they get home from work, a hand on the knee when sitting watching television together, and even just a caress of the arm when passing each other in the kitchen.
The way you touch is what sets your relationship with your partner apart from your relationship with anyone else. If you think back to when you first fell in love, chances are that you touched every chance you got, which is why you used to feel so connected.
Get back to that place by connecting with them physically, in and out of the bedroom.
3. Have fun together
Ask yourself, ‘When was the last time you and your partner had fun together?’ How much fun are you to come home to? To get as far as falling in love and getting married, you must have shared some fun times together.
Don’t let work and life get in the way of having fun. Take time to do enjoyable things together as a couple. Take a road trip, go to a movie, and try something new. Sharing an adventure together bonds you by giving you an experience that’s just yours.
If you have children, remember that while family fun is important, it’s equally important for you and your partner to have fun as a couple.
4. Say I love you
It’s just three little words, but they’re powerful enough to change the way you and your partner see each other. Men and women both want to feel loved and saying I love you is the easiest way to do it.
Say it before you go to sleep at night; say it with a kiss, or scribble it on a sticky note and leave it their bag. Even a simple email or call in the middle of the day to say I love you can make their heart (and desire) swell because it shows them that you’re thinking of them and makes them feel cherished.
5. Make eye contact
Distractions and even the lack of intimacy itself can make it difficult to look your partner in the eye, but doing so can make all the difference. Eye contact does several things: show that you’re listening so that your partner knows you’re interested in what they have to say and feels heard.
It also creates instant intimacy because you’re focused on each other in that moment and nothing else. Look your partner in the eye when speaking to each other, when holding each other, and even just for no reason at all.
These seemingly simple steps will go a long way if you want to fix intimacy problems in marriage.