My husband wants a divorce, go on, say the words, my husband wants a divorce. Coming to terms with reality will make you more inclined to save the marriage. It will take work but love is worth the effort. You might have all the willingness in the world to save your marriage, however, you must be thinking to yourself “My husband wants a divorce but I don’t know what can I do?” Yes, this is a terrible situation to be in and might seem insurmountable, after all when a person has decided to quit a relationship, how can you make him stay? You can’t, not unless you sacrifice your dignity and self-respect or make them feel guilty about the situation, isn’t it? But this is not true, there are ways to reclaim your relationship just like it was before. Nothing has to change, just that you have to be patient and have to invest a lot of time and energy to do that.
Read More: 10 Most Common Reasons for Divorce
To make your husband give up the idea of divorce, the first thing you have to do is remember your goals. The goals here are:
Continue below to learn what to do in this situation.
Get control of your emotions
My husband wants a divorce but I still love him are words we never want in our heads. Upon learning that your spouse wants a divorce, you’ll experience a plethora of emotions. These emotions will include sadness, anger, and anxiety. Have a moment or two alone to freak out (don’t take your emotions out on your husband) and then get a hold of yourself. Releasing those emotions in a healthy way, like through exercise, will clear your head so you can decide how to handle the fact that your husband wants a divorce. Depending on the issues that led to this point, not acting on your initial emotions may surprise your husband in a good way. With sights set on, save my marriage when my spouse wants a divorce, restoring happiness is the goal. Negative feelings are counterintuitive.
Read More: 6 Step Guide For: How to Fix & Save a Broken Marriage
Keep the problem contained
When your spouse wants a divorce, do not talk to friends and family about everything going on in the relationship. It is natural to want support but keep the situation contained. Openly telling others about your problems and venting so they can comfort you can add additional fuel to the fire by turning them against your husband. Telling a close family member or friend, “My husband wants a divorce but I still love him” is one thing but following that with further details will likely encourage dislike. You want to stay married so the relationship between your husband and loved ones must stay intact. The only way to do that is to avoid saying anything that will stop them from viewing him in a positive light. Stopping a divorce is much easier with only two persons involved.
Promote some healthy distance
After learning that your husband wants a divorce, you want to give him space. Not too much space but just enough to give him time to think things through and perhaps, miss you a bit. You want him to stay but the reason behind him deciding to stay is just as important. People must decide to remain married because they want to. The decision shouldn’t be driven by needing someone or guilt. Avoid separating if you can but back off a little upon learning that he’s considering a divorce. Sometimes distance does the trick. As a plus, distance gives you time to work on yourself and decide how you can improve the marriage.
Create communication opportunities
Upon learning that your husband wants a divorce, the dynamic between the two of you can be tense. People often shut down. Break down barriers by creating opportunities to communicate instead of taking the ‘let’s sit and talk approach’. Making a meal he likes and inviting him to sit and eat is a great way to create an excuse to talk. To break the ice, say something along the lines of, “Do you remember the first time I made this for you?” There is likely a story to reminiscence over. Reminiscing promotes a positive mood and brings thoughts about how the relationship started, how good it was and perhaps inspire him to want to return to that point again.
Two people don’t decide to marry for just any reason.There was love and passion. Once both of you are open and smiling, be creative and use your words to get close to your spouse again. Just talk, laugh and appreciate each other’s company like you used to. Leave marriage talk out for a while and focus on connecting. Treat this as a fresh start. A series of these events will, at least, make him rethink the divorce.
Take the opposite approach
Do the opposite of what got you to this point. We all make mistakes and your husband probably did too. No one is perfect but for now, focus on improving your behavior. Identify things that you did that pushed him away or caused tension and do the opposite. Be more independent, less demanding, handle things more calmly and/or fix the attitude. So many people try to stop a divorce by promising change but men don’t want to hear what you’re going to do, action is what resonates. There is no guarantee but noticeable change may increase his willingness to work on the marriage. You also want to apologize for your wrongs after you’ve implemented the necessary changes. Make it clear that no matter what happens, you’ve learned from your mistakes.
Consider his wants and needs
No woman likes hearing this but if your husband is talking about a divorce, you are likely failing to meet his wants and needs. Fulfillment is a huge factor of a good marriage. Try to look at the marriage from your husband’s perspective. Consider what life is like for him every day and ask yourself if that’s enough. Then determine if you are fulfilling his wants and needs or if the marriage has been in a place in which the two of you are just going through the motions of married life. Afterward, think of ways you can meet those wants and needs in order to make sure he is fulfilled. It’s not uncommon to accidentally overlook a partner’s needs.
The advice provided can help you save your marriage. Where there is love, there is hope. Just remember to put your all into saving the marriage without displaying any neediness or desperation. Stay calm, stay cool and focus on making the relationship better. Lastly, do not rush things. Couples have to work at their own pace to see if the relationship can be saved.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.