9 Prime Causes of Conflict in Marriage & How to Resolve Them

The strength of a marriage isn’t measured by the absence of conflict, but by how well partners navigate through it.

Picture this: You and your partner used to communicate effortlessly, but lately, every conversation seems to turn into an argument. Little issues—like finances, chores, or even how much time you spend together—are suddenly sparking bigger tensions. 

Do you ever wonder why? Is it normal to experience this level of conflict in marriage? Can you both truly resolve these issues before they drive a deeper wedge between you?

Pause. Breathe.

Conflict in marriage is not uncommon, but understanding the causes of conflict in marriage is the first step toward resolution. 

This article explores 9 common causes of marital conflict and offers practical solutions to help you through a conflicted marriage with understanding and empathy. 

Are conflicts common in marriage? 

Yes, conflicts are a normal part of any marriage. After all, two people with unique personalities and perspectives are bound to clash at times. 

What is conflict in marriage? It’s simply when differences in opinions, needs, or values create tension. But the good news? It doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong with your relationship. 

In fact, learning how to handle these disagreements can bring you closer. Successful marriage conflict resolution isn’t avoiding fights—it’s understanding, communicating, and finding common ground. 

9 common causes of conflict in marriage

Conflict in marriage is not the culprit.

Consider conflict as an opportunity to bring into isolation the pressing issues that are affecting the harmony of your marriage. Manage these disagreements as a team and work towards evolving as married partners. 

Do not hope for a resolution to happen on its own. Deal with it. Stalling is not advisable, and autocorrect is not an option.

According to Maggie Martinez, LCSW:

When couples successfully handle a conflict together, it can bring them closer and establish a greater sense of trust in one another.

1. Unmet or unreasonable expectations 

In any marriage, expectations are natural, but when they’re unmet or even unreasonable, they can lead to significant conflicts. 

Often, these expectations are unspoken, and one partner may assume the other should intuitively know what they need. This disconnect can create a snowball effect of frustration and resentment.

• One of the biggest challenges is assuming your partner can read your mind. Without clear communication, expectations remain hidden, leading to disappointment when things don’t go as imagined.
• We sometimes set high, even unfair, standards for our partners, expecting them to meet every emotional, financial, or social need. When reality falls short of these ideals, conflict brews. 
• Whether it’s about household chores, appreciation, or career support, unmet needs can drive a wedge between partners. 

2. Conflicting standpoints on the subject of children

Children are often seen as the ultimate blessing in a marriage, but they can also become a major source of conflict. Differences in opinions on when to have children, how many, or how to raise them can stir up significant tension between partners.

• One partner may feel a deep desire to start a family, while the other might want to wait for more financial security or personal readiness. 
• Once children are in the picture, disagreements over parenting styles—discipline, education, or even daily routines—can become flashpoints. 
• Disagreements often arise over how to allocate finances for the child, from saving for future education to deciding what counts as a necessary expense versus something more extravagant. 

3. Inability to manage marriage finances

Issues centered around marriage finances, if unresolved, can shake the foundation of the most stable marriages.

• A marriage can derail because of money issues. Not making a full disclosure to your partner about your financial situation, going over the top on a wedding day celebration, alimony, or a child support situation from a previous marriage are major culprits in putting a strain on your marriage.
• A difference in temperament with respect to one partner being a frugal or another a big spender, a major shift in financial priorities and preferences, and a seething sense of resentment of a working spouse towards the non-working, non-contributive, financially dependent spouse also leads to conflict in marriage.

4. Allocation of time to marriage and personal pursuits

After the wedding day extravaganza and honeymoon bliss comes the knocking reality of married life.

You have the same 24 hours as you had when you were unattached or single, but how do you now allocate time to yourself, your career, personal hobbies, friends, family, and the latest addition to your life – your spouse? 

And since you have been dispensed with unsolicited but useful advice by your friends and family – marriage needs work; you also have the challenging task of nurturing your marriage with your spouse in the best possible way.

Exhausting much, did you say?

• Marriage comes with its KRAs – Key Responsibility Areas. But don’t make it a drudgery in your head. Take respective ownership for your share of household work, pursue your individual interests, and encourage your spouse to do likewise. 
• Build an equation with your spouse in the most devoted manner by spending exclusive time with them, notwithstanding the length.

As Maggie Martinez, LCSW, explains:

One of the best ways to ensure a good marriage is to continue to engage in the hobbies you did prior to marriage. This shows autonomy and independence and prevents enmeshment in the relationship.

5. Lack of sexual compatibility

Misaligned sexual drives, where you experience a stronger urge to have sex more frequently, as opposed to your less inclined spouse, can throw a wedge between you and your partner.

• Work stress, household responsibilities, poor body confidence, intimacy inhibitions, and lack of honest sexual communication are some serious, pressing issues that lead to conflict in marriage. 
• When you scratch the surface, you see that building an emotional intimacy with your spouse and embracing other forms of intimacy are paramount to enjoying sexual closeness and bonding with your partner.

6. Breakdown in communication

Do you find yourself saying things that you regret later and wish you had best avoided? 

• If you are not the confrontational type and believe in letting things be, you will likely find this seething, simmering passive aggression catch up with you like a nemesis. It will explode in your face in the form of one ugly showdown with your spouse. 
• Silent treatment, resistance to your spouse’s standpoint and choices, passive-aggressive behavior, selection of an inappropriate time and place to hold the conversation, and a sense of threat in your voice – all contribute to conflict in marriage.

7. Mismatched dynamics and imbalanced powerplay in personalities

In a marriage, both spouses are equal counterparts. But oftentimes, this notion is relegated to being a utopian concept. 

• Couples often have radically mismatched dynamics, where one of the partners could be a domineering spouse and the other submissive partner, in such an equation, invariably ends up colluding as a caretaker to their spouse. 
• This subsequently leads to a resentful build-up and an unfair, unhealthy powerplay, making a marriage fall apart.

Learn more about relationship conflicts with this informative video:

What should you do when marital problems are never resolved?

When marital problems linger without resolution, it can feel like a constant cloud over your relationship, draining emotional energy and happiness. 

If you’re stuck in this cycle, it’s important to reflect on how to resolve conflict in marriage before it becomes too damaging. 

Open communication and professional help might be necessary. Understanding how to manage conflict in marriage can make all the difference in preventing long-term strain. Dive deeper into effective strategies with our detailed guide to help you move forward.

How to resolve conflicts in marriage: 7 effective ways

 

Conflicts in marriage don’t have to be all-consuming. The key lies in how you approach and resolve them. Here’s a closer look at 7 effective ways to handle disagreements in a healthy and productive manner, with actionable steps to help you get started.

1. Create a safe space for open communication

Conflict resolution begins with an environment where both partners feel safe expressing their thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment or criticism. If one person feels attacked or dismissed, it’s impossible to reach a constructive resolution. 

A safe space is where honesty can thrive, and both partners can be vulnerable without feeling defensive.

How to start: Begin by setting aside dedicated time to talk without distractions—phones off, TV off. Let your partner know that this is a space for both of you to share openly. 

Start with something like, “I want us to have a safe space to talk. Let’s hear each other out without interrupting.”

2. Acknowledge and validate each other’s feelings

Sometimes, conflict arises because one or both partners feel unheard or invalidated. Acknowledging your partner’s emotions—even if you don’t fully agree—can diffuse tension and show empathy. It’s not about agreeing with everything, but about recognizing their perspective and making them feel understood.

How to start: When your partner shares their feelings, try saying, “I understand why you feel that way” or “That must have been frustrating for you.” This small acknowledgment can shift the tone of the conversation.

3. Choose timing carefully for tough conversations

The timing of when you bring up an issue can make or break how the conversation unfolds. Avoid starting difficult discussions when emotions are high or during stressful moments. Finding the right moment ensures that both partners are in a state of mind to talk productively.

How to start: When you notice tension rising, take a step back and say, “Let’s talk about this when we’re both calmer. How about we revisit this after dinner?” Giving it time can help ease the pressure and prevent things from escalating.

4. Focus on the issue, not the person

It’s easy to turn disagreements into personal attacks, but that often leads to defensiveness and more conflict. Instead, focus on the specific issue at hand rather than blaming your partner. Keep the conversation on what can be resolved, rather than pointing fingers.

How to start: Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. For example, “I feel hurt when…” instead of “You always…” This helps keep the discussion about the issue, not about personal blame.

5. Learn to listen with empathy, not defense

When your partner speaks, are you listening to understand or listening to respond? Defensive listening is one of the biggest roadblocks to resolving conflict. By listening empathetically, you’re focusing on understanding their feelings and perspective instead of planning your rebuttal.

How to start: During your next disagreement, pause before responding and say, “Let me make sure I understand what you’re saying.” Then, paraphrase what your partner has expressed to show that you’re truly listening.

6. Compromise without losing your core values

Conflict resolution often requires compromise, but that doesn’t mean sacrificing your core beliefs or values. Healthy compromise is about finding a middle ground that respects both partners’ needs, without one person feeling they’ve given up too much of themselves.

How to start: Identify one small area where you’re willing to meet your partner halfway. Say, “I’m open to finding a solution that works for both of us. How about we start with this idea and adjust as needed?”

7. Use time-outs to prevent heated arguments

Sometimes, conflict can escalate beyond the point of productive conversation. In these moments, taking a time-out can prevent saying things in anger that you might regret later. A break allows both partners to cool down and revisit the issue with a clearer head.

How to start: If things start getting too heated, say something like, “I need a few minutes to gather my thoughts. Let’s pause this conversation and come back to it when we’re both calmer.” Make sure to return to the discussion when emotions have settled.

Continue the pursuit of a happy marriage

Treating your partner as an equal goes a long way in acceptance of mutual differences, de-escalating damage, salvaging the relationship and helping couples wrap their heads around agreeing to disagree.

When chips are down in a marriage, don’t give up just because it’s too much hard work. 

You got together in the first place to build a happy space for yourself and your spouse. You stumble but rise together, hand in hand – that’s the quintessence of a happy marriage. And, you don’t enter a happy marriage; you work to make your marriage happy. 

Marriage is a beginning; keeping together progress and continually working together is a success!