For some time, your wife has been saying that she’s not happy. You have been trying to increase the intimacy in your marriage, and you truly believed that your relationship was getting better. But, your instinct has failed you terribly.
Your wife has indicated that she wants to leave the marriage. You feel helpless and frustrated. You had no idea things were this bad. The fear, the uncertainty, and the rejection consume you. You know a man should not cry, but you cannot stop crying.
But, why does she want a divorce? Doesn’t she love you anymore?
Women leave men they love
According to marriage experts, your wife doesn’t have to fall out of love with you or even fall in love with someone else to leave the relationship.
Women do leave men they love. But, they have their owns reasons to end relationships.
1. Maybe you are not present
You are a good man, a good father, and you support your family, but you are working, fishing, watching TV, golfing, gaming, and so on.
You are not present, and your wife feels that you take her for granted. Someone could come and sweep your wife off her feet, right under your nose and you will never notice.
2. Mistreating or controlling her unknowingly
Your wife feels that you are mistreating her either mentally or physically. She can also think that you are controlling.
She has lost the respect she had for you, and she is no longer happy in the relationship.
3. Lack of appeal
Maybe your wife’s attraction for you has faded away.
Your love life has become too routine, and there is nothing there that excites her anymore.
Women get easily sick and tired of unhappy marriages
A woman will eventually get sick and tired of being in an unhappy marriage, and she will leave.
It doesn’t matter how much she loves you.
Marriage is not bulletproof.
If you want your wife to stay with you forever, you must continue working at being the sort of man that she wants to stay with for life.
First things first – is your wife just testing you or is she serious about leaving?
Sometimes, your wife will threaten to leave you to see if you will fight for her. Or she feels that life has become boring and the relationship has fallen into a rut.
She knows that threatening to leave is the wakeup call you need to make an effort to make her feel like the sexy woman she was at the beginning.
You need to determine whether things have become boring in your relationship or if she is serious about leaving you.
But what if your wife is serious about leaving the marriage?
According to divorce analyst Gretchen Cliburn, there are often many indications of problems in the relationship, but one spouse will not want to see them or acknowledge that the marriage is in danger.
The following telltale signs will help you determine whether your wife is serious about wanting to leave the relationship –
1. Quits arguments
She stops arguing with you. You have been bickering about certain issues for years, but she has suddenly stopped.
This is a clear sign that your wife has thrown in the towel.
2. Changed priorities
She spends more time with her friends and family members than before and less with you. You have been replaced with other people as her primary comfort and friend.
3. Cared less about future plans
She has stopped caring about future plans – holidays, vacations, home repairs. She no longer envisions a future with you.
4. Growing interest in new things
She has embarked on sudden new changes: significant weight loss, plastic surgery, new wardrobe. These are indications of a new lease of life without you.
5. Secretive about her contacts
She is secretive about her phone messages, emails, and texts. She may be having important correspondence with her lawyer or real estate agent.
6. The sudden interest in family finances
She has developed a sudden interest in your family finances after leaving the money issues to you for the better part of your marriage.
7. Intercepting financial and legal documents
She is intercepting your financial or legal documents. The documents that were always mailed to you have stopped, and your wife has signed up to receive them instead.
Can you save your marriage, alone?
Your wife wants to leave, but you have not given up on your marriage. Your situation is not unique. Research shows that 30% of couples who seek marriage counseling have one spouse who wants a divorce while the other one is fighting for the marriage.
Further, marriage counselors indicate that many partners work tirelessly on their own and in therapy to save their relationships.
What to do when your wife wants to leave
If you are like most husbands, when your wife says she doesn’t want to be in the relationship anymore, your first thoughts are –
- How do I stop my wife from leaving?
- I will do anything
- I love my wife so much. I am willing to do what it takes to keep her happy
But, whatever you do, never, ever, EVER beg your wife to stay.
Understandably, your first reaction is to plead for a second chance. However, begging is the most unattractive thing you can do right now. You will look weak, needy and desperate and there is nothing sexy about this image of a man.
Women are attracted to emotional strength in men.
They are instinctively drawn to a man with self-respect and the ability to cope with a stressful situation.
Falling in pieces in front of your wife, hoping to change her mind will make her pull away even more. It is a huge turn off for her. You must maintain your dignity even in the midst of this emotionally difficult situation.
The goal – you need to make your wife want you again
Right now, your goal is not to make your wife stay. It is to make her want you again.
This is the way to end your wife’s desire for separation and rekindle the passion in your marriage. Always keep this goal in mind. Be confident, decisive and optimistic as you try to win your wife over.
These are the traits that will ignite your wife’s attraction to you.
You cannot convince your wife to stay in the marriage
You cannot use arguments to convince your wife to stay in the marriage. You also cannot guilt her into staying with you.
You can never make your wife stay no matter how persuasive or convincing you are.
You can only give your wife enough incentive to make the marriage more appealing to her than the choice to leave.
Understand your wife
The first step in saving your marriage is understanding why your wife wants out.
This is the only way you can hope to chip away at the wall she has built around her heart. Show empathy and acknowledge that your wife is miserable in the relationship.
Perception is everything.
How does your wife perceive your marriage? The sooner you can see your marriage from your wife’s point of view, the earlier you can start the process of healing.
You must take ownership for things that you may have done to push your wife to this point.
When you realize how you hurt her, apologize for the pain that your actions have caused. When your apology is sincere, it will break some of the barriers between you and your wife.
Let your actions speak
Figure out what your wife needs from you to start seeing you and your relationship differently.
Your attraction and love can regrow when you do things that demonstrate to your wife that she can trust you again. Show your wife that you understand and accept her, over, and over again.
Your trustworthy actions and consistency will win her trust.
Don’t be afraid to flirt
You need to rekindle the attraction with your wife. The way to do this is to reawaken the courtship that bore your marriage in the first place.
So, flirt with your wife and court her. Remember the man that your wife fell in love with – what did he do? How did he treat her?
Bring this man back from the dead. With time, if you do things right, you will make your wife desire you more than separation. Do not aim to have the relationship you had with your wife.
Every mature relationship should grow in perfect synchronization to the growth and maturity of the partners.
As such, consider this relationship a fresh start. Make your wife feel that the new relationship is truly a do-over. You won her over once – you can do it again.
Randy has been speaking to men who are on the brink of divorce for over 4 years. And the one thing that he’s learnt is that you can never start trying to fix your marriage too early.
On his website, AnHonestApproach.com, there are plenty of ideas, tips and strategies for making your marriage strong again. When he’s not helping guys with their marriages, he likes to get out in the garden.