The definition of neediness, as described by clinical psychologist Craig Malkin, Ph.D., author of the internationally acclaimed, Rethinking Narcissism, is: “A generalized, undifferentiated dependence on others coupled with feelings of helplessness and fear of desertion and abandonment.” You might feel you need your partner by your side every time.
Do you see yourself as someone who’s always running to your partner for help? Do you see yourself as someone who’s always texting, calling and emailing your partner even if you know he or she is busy at work? Do you see yourself as the girl who needs constant affection and attention from your boyfriend in order to feel good about yourself? You want to see your partner all the time, if a text or call doesn’t come in you start to wonder what is wrong and go crazy, and in turn you begin to choke and smother them. This is being needy in a relationship. This behaviour will inevitably ruin your relationship.
When you start being needy in a relationship, it is only a matter of time before your partner starts to pull away. And the moment you see your partner withdrawing or losing interest in the relationship, you become even more needy and attention-seeking.
Below are the ways to stop being needy in a relationship:
1. Be independent
Don’t over depend on your partner. Learn to make decisions, pay bills and do things by yourself. There will be times that your boyfriend or girlfriend will be busy doing other relevant stuffs, you won’t expect him or her to leave what he or she is doing to attend to your needs every time.
Don’t depend on your partner to fulfill all your needs. Do not expect your partner to save you from the world or take care of your feelings every time. Continue to fight your own battles and try as much as possible to live an independent life.
Keep working on yourself and never forget the fact that you are a secure and strong person with a life of your own separate from your partner.
2. Trust your partner
Relationships are built and developed on trust and reliability. You should be able to rely and trust your partner. Give your partner the benefit of doubt; if he or she says he or she is busy, believe it. Don’t start to panic that they’re distancing themselves from you and attempting to find an exit strategy just because they haven’t texted you back in 5 minutes, it is destructive to a relationship. They’re probably very busy, and you should be busy doing something too.
3. Set and respect your partner’s space
You should learn to give your partner space. Even the closest of relationships need some elbow room to miss each other from time to time. When your partner asks for some alone time, make sure you respect it. Everyone needs some quiet time to get away from it all. But don’t think that whenever your partner asks for space, your partner is trying to push you away. It just means that he’s keeping himself from being smothered by all the things he has to deal with everyday.
No matter how much you adore and love each other, every couple needs a little alone time. It is best to understand each other and how much space and privacy you both require in a relationship, and to give each other that space and privacy.
Giving your partner little space and smothering them every time in the relationship is just as bad as giving them too much space and coming across as distant.
4. Be socially active
The main reason you appear needy and clingy in a relationship is that you expect your partner to solve your emotional issues. Your boyfriend or your girlfriend is not the only person in the world you can talk to. There are other people you can have an emotional conversation with, there are several people ready to listen to your thoughts, emotional issues, ideas; earn to talk to these people. Doing that will also reduce the pressure from feeling alone in the relationship.
5. Stop bargaining for his time
Keeping tabs on how often you are together is not a good sign of a healthy relationship. You can’t just say because your partner is out with his mates today, he or she needs to be with you all day tomorrow. Your partner should personally create time for you. You should not beg or negotiate with him or her for his or her time.
6. Maintain your separate own identity
Just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean you can no longer do things of your own anymore. Learn to set a time for yourself to do things you love. Every couple needs to spend some quality time away from each other. It is healthy and necessary for your relationship and helps you maintain a sense of self and your own identity.