Becoming hyper-focused on “My wife wants a divorce” will result in desperation, and acting out of desperation is unlikely to yield the outcome you want.
Overcoming the desperation to stop divorce and save a marriage begins with acceptance. Of course, you want to remain married but try to reach a point where you can accept whatever happens.
This enables you to think more clearly and think before you act. A clear mind is required to develop an action plan to get her back and save your marriage.
Understand what’s your role in all this
Dwell on the signs your wife wants a divorce and why she wants to end this marriage in the first place. Is it boredom? Is she out of love for you? If yes, then what caused it?
Perhaps you promised her you’d be more present for her
Perhaps you promised that you’d break that porn/addiction / whatever bad habit
Perhaps you told her there’d be date nights, or sharing the household work, or more time away from the house
The bottom line is that you promised her but didn’t follow through. Maybe she waited, hoping you’d change but got tired eventually. Analyze what your role in pushing her to make a strong decision like this was.
Look your best
How to make your wife fall in love with you again? Women are physical creatures, just like men. When faced with the dilemma of, my wife wants a divorce, but I still love her, use your looks.
Put a little product in your hair, do some daily grooming, wear nice clothes (you can look good in comfortable casual wear) and put on cologne.
This measure can not only make her more physically attracted to you, which can deter her from the thought of divorce, but you have two other things on your side.
Those two things are memories and making an obvious effort. People often improve their appearance following a split, but if you still love her, now is the time.
Looking your best can bring her back to the start of the relationship when everything was good. That will encourage thoughts of why she fell for you in the first place. Going back to the start can preserve the future.
As for the effort, every wife would like her husband to implement a change just for her. It is flattering and shows that you care. Acts of care warm the heart and often spark reconsideration.
After learning that your spouse wants a divorce, you need reconsideration on your side.
Ask for a chance
How to get your wife back? Ask for it!
It is difficult to try to save your marriage when your wife wants a divorce if she isn’t, at least, sort of onboard. Fixing a marriage isn’t one-sided. Before taking other measures, sit down with your wife and say something like,
“I know our marriage is troubled, and I contributed to the problems that got us to this point. I do love you and want to work this out. I think marriage deserves one last try. If our efforts fail, I can accept that and won’t try to stop proceedings. Can we give this another shot?”
Only ask for a chance if you are really willing to work on the marriage. This isn’t about feeding your wife lines to get her to stay but rather, getting the ok to address issues in the marriage. No one wants to get divorced.
Divorces are tough, and giving up on such a deep commitment is even tougher. Once she agrees to try to make the marriage work, do your best to communicate with your wife more effectively, initiate positive interactions, take steps to get close again, and focus on fun.
The fun has a special way of connecting two people. If saving the marriage is what you want, don’t hesitate to lead the way to progress.
Right your wrongs
Everyone makes mistakes in relationships, so own up to yours and right your wrongs.
Rather than doing endless web searches for ‘how to save my marriage when my spouse wants a divorce or how to make your wife want you,’ take action by first addressing that you messed up.
Put your pride in a little lockbox beside your bed and identify ways you messed up. After you have a list (everyone has a list), determine how you can stop feeding the issue(s).
It’s hard to fix what you don’t understand. Following that reflection, deliver a sincere apology. Along with that sincerity, have a conversation with your wife to explain what you can and will do differently.
The main thing to remember here has every intention to follow through, and turning those intentions into realities. Words are great, but actions will make her stay.
Also watch: 7 Most Common Reasons for Divorce
Throw away any urge to paint yourself as the victim
Painting yourself as the victim and developing a ‘poor me, my wife wants a divorce’ attitude will only make things worse. Yes, it is tough, and you’re feeling a flourish of emotions, but the goal here is positivity.
Using guilt to stop a divorce will make both of you miserable because one, you know she doesn’t want to be there and two, she doesn’t want to be there. Instead, start building your confidence and focus on what you have to offer in a relationship.
Everyone has good qualities, but many fail to bring them to the forefront. To improve the relationship enough to remove the possibility of divorce, focus on being a better partner.
Do more around the house, edit your communication style, show your sweet side, devote more time to spend with your wife, and show your appreciation for her.
Wives usually are not shy about telling their husbands what they want from them. Think about factors of the marriage she expressed dissatisfaction with and try to meet those needs.
When your wife wants a divorce, saving the marriage isn’t just about implementing the tips above. You can go through the motions, but that isn’t going to get you anywhere.
When you see the signs that your wife wants to leave you, the goal is to identify what to say to a wife who wants a divorce, how to move past this rough patch, and create an environment that allows the relationship to thrive.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.