Divorce, in itself, is a pretty painful experience, you are, in a way, rearranging your life. Some people depend so heavily on their spouses that they feel incomplete and lost without that safety net. God forbid if someone’s life has come to this stage what should they do? Lock themselves in a room and barricade from society? No. Although marriage, family, kids, are and forever will be one of the most important parts of your personality, you had a life before all that as well. Do not limit yourself. Do not stop living because of one incident.
Following are a handful of things you can do to rejuvenate your life and start living for yourself and for a happier and healthier you:
1. Do not beg
It can be earth-shattering to some, especially if you had not paid attention to all the signs, to hear about your spouse asking for a divorce. To say that you feel heartbroken would be the understatement of the century. The feeling of betrayal would last a while.
You are entitled to ask about the reasons but, one thing that you should never, ever do is beg for the reversal of their decision.
If your spouse is asking for a divorce, it means that they have put some serious thought into it. There is nothing that you can do at that point in time that is going to change their decision. Do not resort to begging. It would only lower your value.
2. Protect your family
There will be plenty of time to mourn. As soon as you hear the word ‘Divorce’ find a suitable lawyer. Whether or not you have kids, you certain rights given to you by your country.
Be it an annual allowance, or child support, or alimony, or mortgage. It is your right to demand them.
Find a good lawyer and protect you and your family’s future.
3. Do not hold it in
It is natural to be angry. Angry at the world, at the universe, at family, friends, and most importantly, angry at yourself. How could you have been so blind? How did you let this happen? How much of it was your fault?
The worst thing that you could do to yourself at this point is hold everything in. Listen, you need to vent. You need to think of yourself, for your sanity, let it all out.
Couples going through a divorce, mostly because of either their kids or family, retract their emotions and tears and hold them in. This is not at all healthy, for the mind or the body.
Before you let go of the relationship, of your love, of the betrayal, you have to come to terms with it. You have to mourn. Mourn the death of the love you thought would last forever, mourn the spouse that you could not be, mourn the person you thought you knew, mourn the future that you dreamt with your children together.
4. Keep your head, standards, and heels high
Finding about the severance of a bond as strong as marriage can be heartbreaking, all on its own but it can be downright humiliating if your spouse left you for someone else. You were busy running the house, keeping the family together, planning family events, whereas your spouse was fooling around behind your back and looking for ways to spring up divorce.
Everyone gets it, your life has turned into a giant ball of mess. You don’t have to be one as well.
Do not go all crazy and hunt the second family down. Keep your head high and try to move on.
You should never prolong your stay at a place where you are not wanted in the first place.
5. Do not play the blame game
Do not start rationalizing everything and analyzing every dialogue, decision, suggestion until to the point where you finally have enough to put the blame on.
Things happen. People are cruel. Life is unfair. It is not all your fault. Learn to live with your decisions. Accept them.
6. Give yourself time to heal
The life you had known and loved and were comfortable with is gone.
Instead of breaking into pieces and giving the world a free show, pull yourself together.
Your marriage is over, your life is not. You are still very much alive. There are people who love you and care about you. You have to think of them. Ask their help and give yourself time to heal and fix the damage.
7. Fake it till you make it
It will, definitely, be a tough pill to swallow.
But at times of desperation make ‘fake it till you make it’ your mantra.
Your mind is very open to suggestions, if you will lie to it enough, it will start to believe the lie and thus will be the birth of a new reality.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.