15 Signs of Jealousy in Relationships & Ways to Deal With It

Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretense of keeping it alive. 

This quote by Havelock Ellis perfectly captures the destructive nature of jealousy in relationships. At first, it might seem like a sign of love or care, but jealousy often plants seeds of doubt, insecurity, and control, which can slowly erode the bond between two people.

Have you ever felt a twinge of jealousy over your partner’s friendships? Do you question their loyalty because of past experiences? Or maybe your partner is the one showing signs of jealousy, constantly checking in or becoming possessive. 

Is it a natural reaction, or something more dangerous?

Take a pause. 

Here, we’ll explore the key signs of jealousy in relationships and offer practical ways to deal with it, so you can find peace and restore trust in your connection. Let’s dive in and figure out how to handle jealousy before it takes control.

What is jealousy in a relationship?

Jealousy is a feeling of anger or resentment when someone thinks another person is trying to get the attention of their lover or partner. People use jealousy and envy interchangeably to mean a person’s strong desire to possess what another person has. However, the two terms differ.

Envy is the feeling of resentment that builds up when you want another person’s possessions or qualities. In contrast, jealousy is the control you wish to have over something or someone that is already yours. It is a means of protecting your attachment or showing absolute dominance over someone or something.

Psychologists have studied the difference between the signs of envy and jealousy to distinguish between their causes and how they impact behavior. 

Envy makes people desirous of other people’s things and qualities. However, jealousy makes them insecure about something or someone that is already in their life.

What causes jealousy in a relationship: 5 reasons

Why do people get jealous in relationships? Why do we get jealous in relationships without realizing it?

As we try to understand the signs of jealousy in relationships, it is also important to understand why it happens in the first place. What causes jealousy in a relationship? Why do we feel jealous of other people if we are with somebody romantically? Here are some reasons. 

1. Low self-esteem

One of the primary reasons why someone might feel jealous in a relationship is when they have self-esteem issues. This happens when people are insecure about themselves and have a poor view of themselves.

When you are in a relationship with someone, you tend to see others as perfect for them and better than you because of your low self-esteem. This can easily cause you to be jealous of them and think that your partner may find them more attractive or interesting than you.

2. Insecurity

Another reason for people to get jealous is insecurity. We all have them. Some of us may be insecure about how we look, our jobs, or how we talk. 

However, it is mostly just in our heads. When you’re insecure about one or more parts of you that someone else has, you may feel jealous of them to the point where you fear that your partner may want to be with them instead of you.

3. Obsessive overthinking

Overthinking can be the root cause of various problems – even jealousy. If you overthink, you might create situations that do not exist in your head. 

This can lead to reading too much between the lines (the lines that might not even exist in the first place), causing you to get jealous in situations that do not exist.

4. Paranoia

Another reason for jealousy is a paranoid personality. This is when a personality disorder causes you to be fearful of situations that you have created in your head, mostly via apprehension. 

Such disorders can cause jealousy that might not even be reasonable. In reality, you may feel jealous of someone for something they do not even have. You might also find yourself jealous of others in irrelevant situations.

5. Trust issues

Another common reason that people get jealous in relationships is when they have trust issues. Maybe things have happened in the past that have caused your partner not to trust people easily.

In that case, you may find them getting jealous in the slightest of situations. Reassurance and trust building can help reduce jealousy because of trust issues.

Types of jealousy in relationships

Jealousy in relationships isn’t one-size-fits-all. It comes in different forms, each with its own unique challenges. Let’s break down the most common types of jealousy:

5 effects of jealousy on a relationship

People may not realize it, but jealousy can become a slow killer of relationships. While jealousy itself is not that big a problem and can be managed, its effect on relationships can have long-term consequences. How does jealousy affect a relationship?

1. Stress

Jealousy can cause stress. The jealous partner will feel stressed because they are questioning their place in the relationship, where the relationship is going, and whether or not their partner is with them.

The other partner is likely to feel stressed because they are trying to understand where they went wrong and what they can do to ensure their partner is not jealous.

The relationship, therefore, suffers. 

2. Frustration

Another effect of jealousy on partners and the relationship is frustration. Because the partners are aware that jealousy is futile and does not mean anything, they are still unable to be happy with their partner because of these feelings. This can cause frustration because you might feel helpless in this situation.

3. Misunderstandings

Another effect of jealousy on relationships is that of misunderstandings. When people are jealous, they might not communicate well with their partners. Telling your partner the reason for jealousy and how it affects you can help them understand it better.

However, given the nature of the situation, one might not want to talk about this with their partner, causing further misunderstandings that can harm the relationship.

4. Taints happiness

Another adverse way your relationship is affected if one or both partners in the marriage are jealous is that it taints the happiness of your marriage. You both are likely to feel insecure and put your guard up when either or both of you are jealous.

In the long run, this can affect your relationship’s happiness. 

5. Overthinking

Overthinking and jealousy are actually vicious cycles. When you are jealous, you are likely to overthink and ruin your mood and, subsequently, your relationship because of apprehension and problems that might not even exist in reality.

Relationship Coach Dionne Eleanor states that,

Overthinking also becomes the cause of more jealousy or insecurity in the relationship because you are reading too much into a situation or worrying yourself about non-existent things.

Know how jealousy distorts your thinking with this insightful video:

15 signs of jealousy in a relationship

In a relationship, it can be hard to tell if jealousy has become a concern.

If you suspect signs of jealousy in a relationship that you are in, and you would like to know how to spot them, check out these fifteen signs of relationship jealousy:

1. Checking up on you repeatedly

You can tell if someone is jealous by observing how frequently they check on you. Getting a few texts or calls means your partner cares about your well-being. But when your partner repeatedly calls, especially when you are out with friends, it is a telltale sign of jealousy in a relationship.

Communication is critical in any relationship, but studies have shown that using technology to connect constantly with your partner can decrease relationship satisfaction significantly. 

2. Following you around

Following your partner to events is an excellent way to build a stronger bond.

However, it is a sign of relationship jealousy when your partner feels the need to follow you everywhere or gets angry when you tell them to stay behind. Couples benefit from giving each other space, as it helps them avoid losing themselves in the relationship.

3. Furious when you do something without them

Spending significant time with your partner is a means of strengthening your relationship and building friendship. When you separate from them, it might feel like something is missing, which is normal. But if your partner gets angry when you do something without them, it shows extreme jealousy.

Couples do have separate hobbies where they enjoy me-time. It facilitates a happy and healthy relationship. Fuming when your partner decides to have fun with their friends or elsewhere shows jealous behavior signs.

4. Intervening in your social circle

One of the signs of jealousy in a relationship is when your partner constantly invades your social gatherings unannounced.

For example, your partner may suddenly pop into your friend’s party, all to check on you. They might also stop by your place of work when you are in a meeting. 

5. Questioning your friendship with other people

Asking questions about the people in your partner’s life is normal as it is a way of knowing them better.

However, when your partner wants to know everything about your relationship with other people, it is a troubling sign of jealousy. Don’t be surprised when they ask around to confirm everything you told them. 

6. Wanting to know about your past

Even though your previous relations matter no more, a partner with signs of jealousy wants to know every detail. 

And if you say no, they will get angry. Their insecurity drives their ever-growing desire to learn more about their past constantly.

7. Telling you how to dress

When your partner firmly insists that you wear a particular dress or hairstyle, it is a sign of jealousy in relationships.

People have a picture of how they want their partner to look, but they can’t be demanding. Knowing where to draw the line marks a healthy relationship.

8. Don’t see the good in you

One of the signs of jealousy in a relationship is when your partner undermines you and makes you feel small.

Instead of encouraging and supporting you, they persuade you to leave a project behind and suggest a lower concept for you to try.

9. Stalking you

Another sign of relationship jealousy is when your partner stalks you when you go out or are on your social media accounts.

They may even employ someone to monitor you, hack your account, or ask why you have certain conversations. When you notice stalking, it is one of the signs of unhealthy jealousy.

10. Flaring up when you mention another person

If you have asked yourself, “What does jealousy feel like?” watch how your partner reacts when you casually mention another person’s name.

They may get angry or question you further to know your relationship with this person even when the other person is your friend or colleague at work.

11. Accusing you of cheating

A wrongful accusation of cheating is the culmination of all other signs of jealousy in a relationship.

Indeed, it is a typical accusation from someone with extreme jealousy. Joking with your partner is normal, but you should be extra vigilant when every conversation revolves around you cheating when it is not accurate.

12. Discouraging you from going out

Extreme jealousy reveals itself when your partner stops you from going out.

A jealous partner always wants to see you by their side, and they pick a petty fight anytime you have an outing. The argument directly results from their jealousy based on an insecure mindset.  

13. Controlling your behavior

When your partner demands that you act in a certain way, it is one of the signs of jealousy in a relationship. 

For instance, if your partner tells you to compliment them on social media or tells you to sit behind them while they settle your problems, it is a clear marker of controlling behavior.

Controlling behavior in relationships hurts the controlled person’s confidence and overall emotional well-being. It is in everyone’s best interest to avoid such a relationship.

14. Making you explain yourself

Another way to spot jealousy is when your partner demands details about everything you do and the people you meet.

Psychotherapist Sharon Martin details how justifying, arguing, defending, and explaining yourself (JADE) mark unhealthy relationship communication patterns that adversely affect the individual and the relationship. 

15. Getting angry when you give compliments to others

If you want to check whether your partner is jealous, notice their reaction when complimenting others.

Appreciating others even when you are in a relationship does not mean you are cheating. When your partners throw tantrums over harmless compliments, they are insecure and show jealous behavior signs.

5 steps to follow when confronting a jealous partner

If you still want to make your relationship work, you can initiate changes that address these signs of jealousy in a relationship.

Check out the following steps to communicate with your partner about their visible jealousy:

Step 1. Start the conversation calmly

Ensure you don’t make it seem like they have a problem.

Instead, present it like a problem you would like to solve together to move the relationship forward. It would help as it would save your partner from feeling cornered, which might make them more open to the conversation.

Step 2. Express how you feel

How to deal with a jealous partner? 

Communicate your feelings sincerely and honestly. Try not to mince words about how their behavior makes you feel.

Clearly express what your understanding of a healthy relationship is and what your expectations are moving forward. Be assertive and non-apologetic, as you have the right to be in a relationship that satisfies your needs.

Step 3. Ask that they change

Let them know you need them to change their actions or how they talk to you.

Asking for positive changes that would benefit your relationship is not selfish.

Relationship Coach Dionne Eleanor highlights,

Decisively asking for a change would convey the matter’s seriousness to your partner.

Step 4. Give them a chance to talk

It is best to listen to their explanation as well.

Avoid getting too carried away with your grievances to forget to give them the space to talk. Hearing them out will help you understand things better and plan your actions accordingly.

Step 5. Acknowledge their response or leave

Your partner’s response will determine where the relationship is heading at this stage.

If they are somber and accept their mistakes, you can tell them you appreciate their honesty and plan to make things work. However, if they don’t see anything wrong with their actions, it may be time to reassess your position and leave.

Ways to deal with jealousy in a relationship

Jealousy can creep into even the healthiest of relationships, making us feel insecure, anxious, or even possessive. But it doesn’t have to control your connection.

Learning how to deal with jealousy in a relationship and how to overcome jealousy in a relationship takes time and effort.

Here are some practical ways to manage and overcome jealousy, so you and your partner can thrive together:

• Don’t suppress the jealousy. Instead, recognize it and reflect on why you’re feeling that way.
• Talk to your partner about your insecurities without placing blame. Honest communication builds trust.
• Sometimes, jealousy is more about how you feel about yourself. Work on boosting your self-esteem to feel secure.
• Establish clear boundaries with your partner about what is and isn’t acceptable behavior to reduce misunderstandings.
• Trust is a choice you make daily. Trust your partner until they give you a real reason not to.
• If jealousy is consuming your relationship, consider counseling to learn how to stop jealousy in a relationship.

Your path to a healthier relationship

Jealousy doesn’t have to be a relationship killer; instead, it can serve as a catalyst for growth and understanding. The key lies in how you respond to those feelings. 

Embrace the opportunity to dig deeper into your emotions and work together with your partner. Remember, every relationship has its ups and downs, but it’s how you navigate them that truly counts.

So, are you ready to take the leap? Start having those crucial conversations and build a culture of trust and openness. Prioritize your emotional well-being and that of your partner. 

A little vulnerability goes a long way in strengthening your bond. Your relationship deserves the chance to flourish, so let’s make it happen!