Engaging in a toxic relationship has three possible reasons.
First, we are suppressing our thoughts and emotions because, for some reason, we think we need this person or that we must be with them. Maybe it’s because of the kids, or because we assume that we don’t deserve better than that.
Second, it is maybe because of our own undesirable characteristics we should work on. Maybe we are afraid of being alone. Or maybe we are manipulated by our partner.
If we are passive, we will easily be manipulated by someone who likes to give orders and loves control.
If we are easily guided by guilt, and if our partner knows that, he can easily trick us into thinking we have done something wrong.
The third possible reason is that we all have some unresolved issues from our childhood, so maybe we are just unconsciously repeating some unhealthy patterns instead of dealing with them.
Some people engage in relationships because they want to find someone who is directly the opposite of their father, brother, or an ex-partner.
So, they just go to one unhealthy extreme to another, thinking it is going to be the right option.
How to avoid a toxic relationship
When you struggle in a relationship with someone, you have to ask yourself where do these problems come from.
Do you really want to be with this person? Are you with them because of their positive traits or because it is better than being alone?
Try to identify your defense mechanisms, fears, and flaws, so you are more self-conscious and therefore, aware of the reason why someone attracts you.
Is your partner someone you are proud to be with because it is someone respectful, admirable, honest, and caring? If he is, it is still worth working on.
Try to find a reason why you are still with your partner and take control of your own decisions.
So, the key is to analyze yourself, your partner, and your relationship. And, the most important part is, to be honest with yourself.
Lose all your shields, self-defense mechanisms, and fears and make a serious conversation with yourself.
If you somehow still find yourself in a relationship adding toxicity in your life, maybe you can try fixing it, and if that does not work out, you should definitely consider leaving a toxic relationship and moving on.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.