If you have ever had a massive argument with your partner— who hasn’t resolved the issue you’ve been dealing with, and then had sex, you know what we are talking about: makeup sex can be the best sex ever. But why is that? How does the fighting, conflict-resolution followed by lovemaking practically guarantee earth-tilting-on-its-axis sex? Let’s examine how this all works.
The basic physiological explanation on why makeup sex is so exciting is this: during your argument, you and your partner’s emotions, adrenaline, heart rate, breathing, and nervous system all escalate to a high-alert level.
So your body is primed for a release of all of these chemicals. When you start the lovemaking, everything is already in place to provide you with some earth-shattering orgasms.
Your fight brought all this to the surface, where it is just waiting to bubble over and be expressed. Competitive athletes can experience this same heightened state while doing their sport, which explains why their post-sport sex can also be amazing.
Simply put, the arousal brought on from the fight transfers over to the lovemaking.
The joy of having solved the issue
Couples’ fights can be quite dirty and chaotic. There’s yelling, perhaps some name-calling, certainly some phrases are thrown around that will later be regretted.
So when you finally get over the fight and find a compromise (or one of you just gives in), there is such a sense of relief.
It feels great to finally be on good terms with each other again.
The low point you’ve just shared makes the high of lovemaking even higher. The relief of not hating each other anymore can be a powerful aphrodisiac, and the rush of attraction you feel for each other once again is the perfect way to guarantee some strong happy endings for both of you. You are ready to connect again, in a healthier way, with your partner.
Makeup sex feels so good because it reassures you that you are still a couple and can weather even the most virulent of arguments.
It reminds you of how deep your bond is; that a fight, even a bad one, cannot break you. You are still there for each other.
Makeup sex when one of you realizes they were wrong
When the argument resolves because one of the partners realizes they were in the wrong, the resultant makeup sex can be great because that person will try and make amends in bed.
So their performance is enhanced in their effort to please you; they’ll do exactly what you need to get you off, as they feel they owe it to you.
It’s their body’s way of saying “I’m sorry. I was wrong and you were right”. The person who was right reaps some great benefits during makeup sex!
Not all fights will lead to great sex
In a Redbook magazine survey, 72 percent of female readers reported withholding sex from a partner with whom they are arguing. That is understandable; sometimes you can be too mad to respond with tenderness when your partner just wants to kiss and make up. Many women have a “cooling down” period (which may take days) before they can feel loving towards their partner again.
Luckily, this kind of delayed makeup sex that takes place a few days after the fight (and perhaps after the “silent treatment”) can be as awesome as the sex that comes just after your moment of discord.
The risk of great makeup sex
Having mind-blowing makeup sex is great, don’t get us wrong. But there’s a risk: it could lead to an unhealthy pattern where couples provoke a dispute in order to get to the “good” part: makeup sex.
And suddenly they find their regular sex life rather dull and routine. So they unconsciously begin to pick fights with each other since the aftermath has become so rewarding.
Don’t let that become your situation.
Remember to strive for the same level of arousal and excitement during “normal” lovemaking, lovemaking that is not preceded by anything but lovely foreplay.
Using sex as a problem-solving tool is not always the best thing
Relying on makeup sex to smooth over your issues or avoid addressing conflict is not healthy. A more productive way to deal with differing opinions is to enhance your couples’ communication skills.
So when things begin to heat up, don’t head right away to the bedroom. Sit down and talk things out, in a kind, calm and respectful way. Once both of you are satisfied that you’ve reached an acceptable resolution to the problem, then you can move on to sex.
But don’t use sex as a substitute for verbal communication.
It won’t make you forget what you are disagreeing about. If the issue is still simmering, the sex won’t be hot—your mind will still be on the “elephant in the room.” You may likely end up resenting your partner. There’s nothing worse than seeing them in the throes of orgasm while you are still dwelling on the unaddressed conflict.