Passion can wither, fizzle, dissipate and lose its charm after some months, years of dating, or marriage. But why let it wither away when there are ways to rebuild what is lost and set fire to your sex life?
No matter how long you’ve been with your partner, intimacy in the bedroom is a common ground most relationships stand on.
Passionate sex is a tool that can mediate and balance every relationship. Lovemaking strengthens relationships, and pleasure with one’s partner can be attained. The lack of it is a reason most relationships fail as there is no intense, passionate lovemaking to fuel the relationship or partners who suck at being passionate.
But don’t fret. You can learn how to make passionate love and have them begging for more no matter the age, kind of relationship, be it same-sex, opposite sexes, etc. You have no reason to be engaging in boring bad sex when you could have wild passionate sex.
It is not enough to want to have wild sex, and you’d first need to figure out what is passionate sex.
Passionate sex isn’t exactly how it’s shown in movies; the aggressiveness, the ripping of clothes, the tossing on the bed, furniture creaking, and partners that moan so loud the man on the moon can hear them.
These things happen in the movies and not in real life. It is less dramatic and more real but very much passionate. Then, what is passionate sex?
“A state of intense longing for union with another”
In order to understand what is passionate sex, we must know its components. It involves very powerful and intense feelings, the type that makes you want to be in the sheets with them right now, all sweaty and hot.
It is that ache to be with them and in them that we tag as passionate or wild sex. It is filled with passion. It is an intense driving or overmastering feeling of conviction. It is also a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity, object, or concept and, in this case, a person.
To put what is passionate sex more plainly, we can say that passion is a sexual desire which means it has to come with a lot of sexual desire and feelings.
But it is easy to confuse lust for passion in a relationship; lust is not always okay in a relationship. You need to be able to differentiate these two emotions if you want to achieve the passionate, loving sex you so desire.
Now the question is passion vs. lust in a relationship? Which do you need?
Differences between passion and lust in a relationship
When they hear of the word ‘passion,’ most people think of a relationship between two lovers, under the sheets, bodies perfectly attuned to each other, having intense sex. When you then think of ‘lust,’ we find ourselves thinking of negative desires, but lust is also okay in a relationship, sometimes.
Imagine how hot it would be to have your partner lusting after you even after a lot of time has gone by in your relationship?
This lands us on the question, “Are lust and passion needed in a relationship, or are they not?
Lust and passion, though similar in emotions, are different in meanings.
For you to be able to differentiate and identify the emotions you feel, it is important to understand them carefully. Emotions are normal, even the intense ones like anger, lust, jealousy, passion.
Let’s figure out how lust and passion vary:
Passion generally means an intense or strong liking for an activity, object, or concept, as earlier stated. We use the term to refer to objects, activities, and even people. Lust, on the other hand, is a strong desire for satisfaction.
Passion is intense enthusiasm, love and can even be dark like anger, hatred, etc. Passion relates to intense feelings of sexual love too. For example, if we say one is a passionate lover, they are an enthusiastic partner, one who is excited about their partner and their pleasures with an intense devotion to the satisfaction of both partners.
Lust, on the other hand, borders on strong desires that need immediate fulfillment. Lust can be directed at someone, a concept, or an object too.
If one acts out of lust in a relationship, most of the time, it is void of love and consideration of the other’s feelings. It also lacks the genuine intensity passion carries.
It is a selfish hunger that needs to be satisfied, and while sometimes you can lust over your partner, wanting them to satisfy your sexual cravings, lust is selfish, and selfishness doesn’t thrive in a relationship meant to be built on love.
Passion is an excitement for the partner where you think equally for yourself and your partner.
Lust is more of self-pleasure, while passion is less of one’s self and more of your partner. So when it comes to passion vs. lust in a relationship – pick a side.
How to make passionate and intense sex and lovemaking
Every day the internet is flooded with questions on sex.
How to have passionate sex? How do I make love with passion? How do I restore the passion in our relationship? How do I please my partner? How do I become a passionate lover and lots more?
Different questions all seeking the same thing. Answers to questions and complaints are always asked and are important for most relationships to strive and stand the test of time.
As earlier said, the passionate kind of sex you see in the movies is not the same thing in real life, so do not put such expectations because you will only get disappointed.
Below are ways to keep fueling the passion in your relationship and have intense sex with your lover.
1. Learn how to love yourself
If you do not love yourself, you won’t be able to give it to someone. Needy people do not love themselves. They base their self-worth, security, and self-love on their partner and how he/she treats them.
If you demand sex just to feel good about yourself, you will end up sooner or later turning your partner off and ruining the chances of passionate sex and relationship happening. Love yourself, value yourself, build your confidence, and how do you do this?
Choose yourself consciously every day, treat yourself the way you would a good friend with respect, genuity, and utmost care. Having passionate and hot sex isn’t a means of self-validation but a means of expressing the love you feel for your partner.
Most couples reserve sex for the bedrooms, and well, you know how boring that too could be, so get creative here and naughty. Take the sex to the living room, perform a striptease, and have wild sex on the couch.
Your hot tub could be the new bed for you and your partner, don’t forget the kitchen counter or a strong table in your house, the swimming pool or lawn if you have that.
Changes in sex space will get you both aroused and keep the passion burning for a long time.
3. Be spontaneous
Spontaneity is a good way to fuel the passion in your sex life. Sometimes sex gets boring just because you know that you need to or have to have sex.
Do not wait it out, looking for who can be bold enough to make the first move because this leads to basic sex, and that is always boring. Instead, include surprises and be spontaneous.
Sneak up on them while they cook, join in the shower and have steamy shower sex, give a mind-blowing blow job in between a movie or a football match showing on TV. These things, though simple, spice up the sex and let you be spontaneous.
4. Connect with your partner on a deeper emotional level
Set aside time for your partner, for both of you to connect, to learn more about each other because every day is a new day to learn more about your partner and have fun with them too.
As the relationship grows with time, couples grow more comfortable with each other and experience what we call compassionate love.
If you no longer set time aside to enjoy each other’s company, if you skip out on connecting with your partner, to learn, have fun, share, and grow together, you cannot have a passionate and intense sex life.
Create date nights or days, whichever works for you both. Connecting with your partner on a deeper emotional and vulnerable level is vital for not only the sexual but emotional parts of your relationship.
Use your five senses to ensure the ambiance of your bedroom or wherever is used is top-notch.
First off, your partner would appreciate the efforts and could lead to intense feelings and passionate and wild sex. Make sure that the place where you want to have sex is really sexy.
How To Arouse The Five Senses For Sex
Arouse the five senses so you and your partner can engage in heightened passionate sex.
Light candles, put on those sexy red lights trending everywhere to appeal to their eyes.
Get a scented candle, preferably lavender, to appeal to their nose.
Create a sex playlist of you and your partner’s choice but ensure it is background music.
You could get creative while trying to appeal to their taste; chocolates, strawberries, grapes, ice creams, tasting the salty skin of your partner is a serious turn-on.
Passionate sex is in touch. Explore their body, slowly, with ardent desire, devotion to pleasure, and love. Trust me when I say it would be a day of toes curling, intensely hot sex, and multiple orgasms.
6. Try out new sex positions
Step away from the traditional roles, get creative about the positions you use. Read on positions and try out new sex positions as there are a lot of positions and not just the regular missionary.
Be open-minded because different sex positions will make the sex intense, and the excitement of trying new sex positions to boost your sex life could be fun as we as humans love to explore.
7. Explore your partner like you would a new place
When you go to a place you’ve never been, you take your time to savor the place.
You feast your eyes on things you’ve not seen before, you sometimes get handsy, and overall you are excited to be exploring new territories. This is exactly how you should treat your partner each time you want to have sex.
You could be surprised by the uncharted territories you haven’t explored, explore every inch of their body; use your tongue, make magic with your hands, you could even use toys if they like that, and get amazed by the pleasure spots you missed before or didn’t know about.
8. Get comfortable with your partner
Remember the awkwardness that comes with someone’s first sex? The shyness? The rushing to dress? The tension and strain because you are not comfortable?
This is the reason most people say, “My first time was bad” The problem is in their uneasiness and discomfort, not maybe in the sex. And this can also apply to long-term relationships. If you are not comfortable as you should be with your partner, then it would be like the first time all over again.
The best of such sex happens when we are with someone we are comfortable with. So, get yourself comfortable, put your partner at ease, get the room comfortable, and get rid of any sexual anxiety, so you can experience the passionate sex you deserve.
Watch: How to overcome sexual anxiety
9. Value your partner to build sexual safety
Sexual safety is a state in which the physical and psychological boundaries of individuals are maintained and respected.
Open up yourselves, be vulnerable with your partner, and do not let fears stop you from creating the intimacy, relationship, and sex life you both deserve.
Once you know that you are important and valued by your partner, you can get comfortable and feel safe in the bedroom because you know that your partner respects you and you are valued.
You would, in turn, be more open to experimenting with your partner on your sexual cravings and vice versa. Your confidence in the relationship grows, and activeness in the bedroom is as a result of activeness outside the sheets.
The mere thought that someone sees and accepts us just as we truly are is enough to grow the intimacy, and intimacy leads to a sex life and relationship filled with passion.
10. Get kinky and loud
Most times, we bite our lips to prevent the moans from escaping our lips and disturbing the neighbors.
You fear that your moans are like those in porn videos, too embarrassing, or maybe you are not comfortable enough with your partner or your own moans, but sex sounds have a positive effect on your partner. Let them know you enjoy whatever it is they are doing.
It doesn’t hurt to throw your head back sometimes and let out that moan for your partner, but if you find it difficult moaning, you could also learn how to make sex sounds,get kinky with your partner to boost the intensity of the sex you are having.
11. Break out of your routine rut and embrace newness
The reason most relationships suffer breakup is due to the lack of newness. They allow routine to wither away the passion, and this adversely affects their sex life.
You need to get rid of routine checks and ruts to have passionate sex with your partner, as your relationship will only flourish if you and your partner take conscious efforts to grow and learn in your relationship.
Boring relationship leads to boring sex, and boring sex leads to bad sex, which can kill a relationship. Never stop growing, learning, and changing because this way, there’s always a level of mystery, and that is where the newness lies.
12. Give oral sex a try
It would surprise you to know that some couples exclude oral sex from their sex life because oral sex is work, and putting such extra effort is not for everyone. You do not even have to do it every day. Twice a week works to keep up the spice.
Do not have sex just for the purpose of orgasm and finishing off. Some people have sex like they do a chore, and it should never be this way if you want to have a passionate sex life.
Be mentally present as you are physically. Focus on your partner and on what you are doing.
14. Know how to ask for sex
Most people expect their partner to know when they need or crave sex. The assumption that your partner knows what you want is a hoax and will bring issues to your relationship.
Want to have sex? Feeling horny? Tell your partner and don’t feel like having sex too?
You should also learn how to say no. Do not think that the fact that you want your partner is obvious. Until you learn how to ask for sex from your partner, you can end up feeling unhappy with your partner.
Also, the days you do not want to have sex, instead of forcing yourself just to please your partner and regret it later or have your partner feel like they did something wrong, just learn how to say no to sex and your partner.
15. Love is the key to having a passionate sex life
Such sex is driven by a passionate relationship, and a passionate relationship is clouded by the aroma of love.
Without love, the aforementioned cannot exist, and this makes love the seasoning of intense sex.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.