10 Tips to Build Sexual Bond with Your Spouse

It’s probably a common perception to believe that our sexual life enhances our married life and sense of intimacy. And it’s also a common assumption that without such a sexual bond, our marriage could be in trouble.

But what is sexual bonding really, and how can we build more of it into our lives? Dive into this article to discover this and more.

Related Reading: How to Establish Emotional Connection During Sex: 10 Tips

What is sexual bonding?

The definition of sexual bonding would be a close bond formed as a result of sexual acts. It doesn’t just bring a couple closer together because of the physical intimacy involved but also because of the chemistry that pops off because of the bonding experience. 

It’s a positive circle. 

For example, when a couple gets together sexually, this creates a chemical reaction for both parties that encourages more sexual bonding and also enhances both partners’ health and well being. 

The feeling is so good that such chemically bonded couples want to keep on enjoying each other and as a couple continues their bonding. They continue to reap the rewards that sexual bonding brings and become more and more in tune and connected with each other.

Sometimes though, life gets in the way, and as a couple settles down into the routine of life, their sex life descends on the priority list. The motivation, benefit, and desire to continue the sexual bonding wanes. 

In many cases, as the bonding declines, a distance or disconnect begins to form between two lovers, which can be difficult to come back from.

So what’s the moral of the story?

Sexual bonding invigorates a relationship. 

It keeps you healthy, bonded, and connected with each other and also gives you the opportunity to love and be loved in all expressions of the act.

But it needs to be treasured and prioritized. If you can treat your sexual bonding as a sacred act, it will make it much easier to appreciate, enjoy, maintain and explore. 

Are you sexually bonded to your partner: How to recognize

1. You can’t get enough of them

Even though you won’t actually be addicted to your partner, it might feel that way. Does sex create a bond? Yes, to the extent that your intimacy levels heighten following the act. 

It spurs you to know more about them and feel like you should be with them more often.

2. You might act irrationally around them 

Have you heard the phrase ‘drunk on love’? 

Perhaps you’ve witnessed somebody close to you making crazy decisions or seeming to think or behave irrationally or out of character. That’s part of the chemical bonding that you’ll experience from sexual bonding.

3. You adore cuddling with your partner before, during, or after sex

Once again, it’s the chemistry that makes cuddling your partner so much more desirable. And when you cuddle, you release Oxytocin, a hormone that encourages love and bonding. 

4. You can feel the pain your partner experiences

According to studies, we are hardwired to feel another person’s pain. So if you are sexually bonded to your lover, you can feel their pain. 

5. You get transference from your partner

We all get transference from those around us. When it comes to sexual bonding, this means that when your partner is on a high, you’ll be on a high, and vice versa.

Good luck for the days when the mood is bad, though! 

Kissing your partner is the best thing. It does the same kind of thing chemically as cuddling during sex – kissing is intoxicating when you are sexually bonded with your partner.

How to maintain a strong sexual bond in a relationship: 10 tips

Bonding in marriage involves a strong sexual bond in most cases. It takes simple gestures to make your partner feel special and connected. Discover these below:

1. Discuss your limitations and boundaries together

When you are open about the things you can’t deal with or struggle to deal with. When you lay down your vulnerabilities to your partner and negotiate boundaries to assist each other in feeling supported and respected, the trust builds, conversations flow, some topics may be explored together, and you grow together. 

All of these situations lead to stronger sexual bonding. 

Related  Reading: 6 Types of Boundaries in Relationships & How to Maintain Them

2. Touch each other

Non-sexual touching is also very good for increasing the sexual bonding between you. It shows affection, connects your energy, and reminds you to continue to be invested in each other. 

If you wish to form a strong sex bond with your partner, try touching your partner in different ways like caressing, scratching, tickling, and more.

3. Listen to each other

The same goes for listening. So often, we make the mistake of hearing but not listening to the people around us. 

Which means we forget to listen to those closest to us. When we are not heard, we feel distant and disconnected. That sensation doesn’t equate to a strong sexual bond.

To see how this works, check out relationship coach Bruce Muzik’s advice on listening skills for couples:

4. Keep sexual contact a priority

Of course, prioritizing your sexual interactions and exploring your sexuality and sexual relationship together will keep the spark and chemistry flowing. 

We often don’t place much importance on this and the act of sex, wondering to ourselves – does making love strengthen a relationship?

It obviously does since it’s an activity where your bodies are connected, which also requires a mental connection. Experiencing such levels of intimacy can help you understand your partner’s needs better and help them trust you more.

So stay connected not just around intimate activities but throughout the day with texts, physically nudging your partner, giving them a quick hug or a kiss, and more.

5. Express to your partner that you think about them often

Whether it’s a surprise, an acknowledgment that you’ve listened to them, a trip out, a gift, or a love note, these things might seem superficial, but they are not at all. They help you to encourage intimacy and sexual bonding. 

LCSW & sex therapist Danica Mitchell says,

Words of affirmation are an easy way to make your partner feel loved and appreciated.

6. Be open sexually and intimately

It’s not always easy to be open sexually, but the more effort you and your partner or spouse make to be able to discuss your thoughts, desires, and needs sexually the more sexual bonding you’ll experience. 

Related Reading: 16 Powerful Benefits of Vulnerability in Relationships

7. See each other

Eyes, they say, are a window to your soul and play a huge role in bonding over sex. When you are having an intimate sexual moment, it is natural to feel like you need to close your eyes to enjoy the experience. 

But making eye contact during sex can help you see how both of you are making each other feel. In fact, studies show that close eye contact calms the reactive part of the brain, helping it form deeper connections. It’s easily one of the best sexual bonding techniques for you to try. 

Have fun bonding with your partner by staring into their eyes during foreplay, teasing them by looking away, gesturing with your eyes when something feels good, winking or scrunching your eyes to have fun – in short, let your eyes speak as well.

8. Speak up

Tell your partner what you like, and what you don’t like by whispering or having fun with naughty conversations. Being vocal would help both of you discover more things and bond at a different level altogether as you become more attuned to each other’s needs. 

At the same time, don’t expect your partner to right away fulfill everything you tell them to do or be satisfied with everything you do. Just have a light conversation about the act, moan, groan, scream, whimper, laugh – do whatever it takes to be vocal about the experience before, during, and after. Just like other things, bonding via sex in relationships does better with good communication.

9. Try deep breathing

Ever tried breathing in spurts to see how it feels dizzy? Ever tried the exact opposite to feel slowed down and relaxed? 

A sexual act may seem like running a race at times. But if you truly want an ecstatic experience that makes both of you feel wowed and connected, try deep breathing. 

You can try the 4-7-8 method, where you inhale for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 7 seconds and then exhale slowly for 8 seconds to ease out all the tension in your body. Try doing that in tandem with your partner and see how positively it affects your arousal.

Related Reading: How Meditation Affects Relationships

10. Avoid all distractions at all costs

We are talking about bonding with your partner, so it’s natural that you should focus on them, leaving everything aside for a while during sex. 

That means putting the phone away, switching the TV off, keeping the children and pets away for some time by keeping them busy, and showing your partner how devoted you are to them. 

Such undivided attention will make both of you feel special and more committed to each other.

Related Reading: 10 Ways of Being Present in a Relationship

Takeaway

Forming a sexual bond doesn’t require any elaborate acts. All you need to do is be there for your partner, involving all your senses to make sex and bonding go hand in hand. 

This makes the whole act more enjoyable and makes you feel like coming back for more, which, in turn, strengthens the relationship as you experience the feelings of being close to each other while fulfilling each other’s needs.

If all of this seems too overwhelming and impossible right now, try taking baby steps to help you fall into the process of bonding sexually in a natural way to see the difference.