With social media having such a strong influence on our lives, we can often find details of people’s relationships. From photos of romantic vacations together to vague posts referring to relationship problems, the intimate details of relationships are available for the world to see.
Sharing the details of your life online may be commonplace, but there are reasons to keep your relationship private. Learn them here.
What does it mean to keep your relationship private?
Keeping your relationship private doesn’t mean that you hide your significant other from the
world or pretend you’re not in a relationship. Certainly, you can talk about your relationship with other people. Still, the point of privacy in relationships is that you don’t feel the need to obtain other people’s approval.
Keeping your relationships private means that you and your partner share the most intimate details of your lives, but you don’t share them with the world. This also means that you don’t post every emotion or fight on social media.
With a private relationship, you don’t need to worry about what other people think of your relationship, nor are you focused on making other people jealous or impressing them with your love life.
The private relationship meaning centers on keeping the intimate details of your relationship between you and your partner. This creates sacred relationships in which you and your partner have a mutual understanding and remain unaffected by other people’s opinions.
Is it acceptable to keep your relationship private?
You might feel obligated to participate in the social media craze and post every detail online. You might also feel the need to seek out the opinions of others since today’s world creates pressure on us to impress other people or to have the ideal relationship that everyone envies.
It’s up to you to decide whether it’s acceptable to keep your relationship private. What works for you may not work for another couple, and your only obligation is to do what keeps your relationship healthy and happy.
If you decide that it’s best to keep your relationship private (and there certainly are benefits), this is acceptable, regardless of what other people may tell you.
Keep in mind, though, that a private relationship does not mean your relationship is secret. You shouldn’t feel the need to hide your partner from the world, as it can be a red flag if you aren’t willing to acknowledge you’re in a relationship. People know you’re together when you’re in a private relationship; they don’t know your business.
Why should things stay private in a relationship?
Ultimately, private love looks however you and your partner decide it should look. Privacy in relationships means keeping certain information between you and your partner and not feeling the need to share every high and low with friends or with the world of social media.
That being said, a private relationship is a happy relationship, and certain things just shouldn’t be shared:
Financial problems within the relationship or marriage
Deep family secrets
The most personal details of your sex life
Infidelity or affairs that have occurred during the relationship
Things that make your partner insecure, like their biggest fears
Heated arguments between the two of you
When you keep your relationship private, the topics above are generally off-limits, both on social media and during discussions with friends and family. These topics are private aspects of your relationship, and they should stay within the relationship.
In some instances, you and your partner have a right to privacy. For example, the world doesn’t need to know about your shared financial problems, and it would be a total violation of your partner’s privacy for you to share family secrets that they have shared with you in confidence.
Similarly, certain matters should be discussed only between the two of you, free from the opinions of others. Arguments within the relationship, insecurities, and infidelities are all issues that need to be resolved as a couple. When you share this information with others, you’re bringing other people into your relationship when they have no business being there.
25 Reasons you should keep your relationship private
Keeping life private is sometimes beneficial, especially in a long-term relationship. If you’re on the fence about whether you want a private relationship, consider the reasons to keep your relationship private outlined below.
1. You can make your relationship uniquely yours
Each relationship is unique, and you have a right to make your relationship exactly how you want it to be. Keeping your relationship private allows you to have a relationship that is yours. It’s not what your family, friends, or anyone else wants it to be.
2. You’ll create a healthier relationship
Keep your relationship lowkey, and you’ll find healthier things between you and your significant other. It won’t develop naturally if you constantly expose your relationship to outside opinions and pressures.
On the other hand, when you have a sense of privacy between the two of you, your relationship can grow and run its course without the influence of other people.
3. It allows an opportunity for genuine connection
When you share all the intimate details of your relationship with the rest of the world, your relationship becomes about impressing others. You might focus all your energy on having the perfect relationship or making other people jealous.
If you keep your relationship private, you can develop a genuine connection instead of just focusing on catching other people’s attention.
4. The need to compare disappears
Making your entire relationship public means that you’re probably on social media, where endless opportunities for comparison pop up. Refusing to participate in this competition to have the perfect relationship removes the pressure from your relationship and makes you happier.
5. Privacy is a basic right
Privacy in relationships, at its very core, is a fundamental right. You and your partner have the right to keep certain aspects of yourself and your relationships private. Keeping certain things private shows respect for your partner and helps the two of you to develop trust.
Watch this video by Glenn Greenwald, a journalist, author and lawyer to understand why privacy matters:
6. It makes the relationship special
Sharing the details of your relationship on social media means that everyone knows your business, and there isn’t much that is special between you and your partner. You protect your relationship when you keep things private because you have special moments with your partner, drawing you closer.
7. You’ll have more quality time together
Romantic relationships were private before social media took center stage, and couples also had more time together. If you spend less time on social media, trying to flaunt the highs of your relationship, you’ll be able to spend more quality time with your partner.
Research has even shown that posting on social media is damaging to relationships because it creates feelings of jealousy and conflict surrounding the ideal online persona that people create. Instead of spending time on social media, you’d better turn your attention to your partner.
8. Your ex won’t be able to monitor you
Keep in mind that when you share details of your relationship online, your ex can keep tabs on you. If you’re sharing details like relationship conflict, they may use this as an opportunity to try to get under your skin or sabotage your relationship. Please don’t allow them to do this; keep your relationship private.
9. Social media isn’t real
The world of social media doesn’t represent real life. Keeping your relationship private means you’ll have a real connection with your partner instead of a fake relationship that thrives on social media likes.
10. It’s better to live in the moment
Instead of worrying about what other people think of your relationship, keep things private, and you can enjoy each moment with your partner. Without the outside pressure to conform to other people’s expectations, you can create new memories together without the constant need to seek outside approval.
11. You’ll never please everyone
If you’re sharing the details of your relationship to make everyone else happy, you’ll never succeed. Don’t fight a losing battle; hiding your relationship details will allow you to find true happiness because you’ll only be worried about the happiness of two people: you and your partner.
12. Other people’s opinions don’t influence you
A sacred relationship is free from other people’s opinions and input. When you share intimate details of your relationship, your viewpoints are clouded by the opinions of others. Keep private matters within the relationship.
You will be able to create the relationship you want without having other people in your ear telling you how your relationship should be.
13. It reduces drama
When you’re arguing with your partner, it’s natural to go to friends and family to vent, but when you share these details with people close to you, they’re naturally going to want to comfort you and take your side.
The problem with this is that when you make up with your significant other, your loved ones will have an opposing viewpoint toward that person because you’ve painted a negative picture of them while venting.
Honor your partner, and keep your fights between the two of you. You’ll reduce tension because there will be less conflict between your significant other and your loved ones when they don’t know every last detail of your relationship drama.
14. Things will be less complicated
Relationships should involve two people. When you share all the essential details with other people, things become way more complicated because you will feel as if you always have to explain yourself to other people. Keeping your relationship private helps you to avoid this.
15. You protect yourself from judgment
When your relationship isn’t private, and others feel they know all the details, they will judge you. They may spread rumors about your relationship or weigh in on what they think you are doing wrong. A private relationship protects you from this judgment.
16. Your happiness will not be dependent upon external validation
Keeping private matters between you and your partner allows you to find happiness within each other, rather than turning outside the relationship for external validation.
In the end, external validation doesn’t lead to true happiness, but being confident and comfortable in your relationship, regardless of the opinion of others, does.
17. You’ll become closer to your partner
Emotional intimacy is important in a relationship, but when you share intimate details of your relationship with the world, there isn’t any intimacy just between you. Keep your relationship private, and watch as you grow closer together. Researchhas shown that couples with greater emotional intimacy have sex more often!
18. It’s simply more fun
Romantic dates, beach vacations, and weekend getaways aren’t as fun when you repeatedly pause to capture the perfect picture or post social media updates. When you enjoy private love, you can have more fun together because you’ll be focused on what you’re doing instead of thinking about how to create a positive image for your followers.
19. You’re protected from toxicity
Exposing your relationship to the world opens the doors to negativity. You open yourself up to get everyone’s two cents when you share details with other people, whether in person or on social media.
In some cases, people can negatively influence your relationship, and their negative opinions can get inside your head. When you remove yourself from toxic influences, you can protect your relationship.
In a long-term, committed relationship, your partner should be your priority, above everyone else in your life. Keeping your relationship private allows you to respect and honor your partner because you won’t be sharing their weaknesses, insecurities, and vulnerabilities with the world.
21. You’ll get to enjoy your actual relationship
A relationship portrayed as perfect all over social media isn’t real. When you’re caught up in social media attention, you’re not enjoying your relationship; you’re enjoying the likes and followers. When you step away from social media, you enjoy your relationship in real life instead of living in the virtual world.
22. It allows you to solve problems with a clear head
Sharing the details of every fight or problem in your relationship means that other people will share their opinions regarding what you should or shouldn’t do. This can make things confusing. Instead, solve problems just between the two of you, and you’ll be able to focus on what you want.
23. You can focus on each other
Worrying about what other people are thinking about you and your relationship is just a distraction. When you’re free from this distraction, you can give your undivided attention to your partner, making for a healthier, happier relationship.
24. It’s nobody’s business what goes on in your relationship
You and your partner’s struggles, secrets, and vulnerabilities are no one else’s business, nor are your decisions or disagreements within the relationship. Shut out outside opinions because you and your partner’s opinions are the only ones that matter.
25. Breaking up is easier
Breakups are complex, and hopefully, if you’re with the right person, you aren’t headed in that direction. If a relationship ends, you don’t want to deal with outside opinions when working through your heartbreak.
Keeping your relationship private means that no one else will know all the details, and they won’t feel the need to bug you about why you broke up.
Private relationships are sacred relationships because you’ll develop a special connection with your partner that only the two of you know about. Beyond that, you will be free from outside pressures, and you won’t have to deal with other people throwing their opinions at you.
While privacy is important, remember that there is a difference between a private relationship and a secret relationship. If your partner is trying to keep you a secret, they may be acting as if they are single because they aren’t ready to commit or don’t want to be tied down.
This problem should be addressed because even in private relationships, the outside world will know you are dating each other; they won’t know your personal business.
When you keep your relationship private, there are certain advantages, but partners aren’t always on the same page. Suppose you and your significant other aren’t agreeing on concerns regarding relationship privacy. In that case, it can be helpful to sit down and have a heart-to-heart conversation and come to an agreement that meets both of your needs.
If you still can’t reach a compromise, it may be beneficial to go to relationship counseling. In the presence of a trained professional, who is obligated to remain neutral, you can process your feelings, work out your differences, and understand what things constitute private aspects of your partnership.
Jenni Jacobsen is a licensed social worker with a master's degree in social work from The Ohio State University, and she is in the process of completing her dissertation for a Doctorate of Philosophy in Psychology. She has worked in the social work field for 8 years and is currently a professor at Mount Read more Vernon Nazarene University. She writes website content about mental health, addiction, and fitness.
Licensed as both a social worker through Ohio Board of Counselors, Social Workers, and Marriage/Family Therapists and school social worker through Ohio Department of Education as well as a personal trainer through American Council on Exercise.
(Jenni Jacobsen is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in Ashland)
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