The Idiocy of Relationship Anarchy

There is a movement around restructuring societal relationship norms by advocating that interactions between individuals should not be categorized, but defined in a case-to-case basis, and each interpersonal dynamic should not be based on rules and commitment, but by mutually agreed upon boundaries. It’s called Relationship Anarchy or RA for short.

So what is Relationship Anarchy (RA) and how is it different from other relationships “sanctioned” by society. Nothing, it’s an attempt to sound cool while being selfish. Let’s break it down and see what all the fuss is about and if it actually has merit.

Relationship Anarchy is focused on consent, openness, and honesty – It’s the freedom of speech gone wrong. People in an RA relationship can say what they want, and nobody should dispute or judge what has been said. Kinda like a dictatorship.

Possibility of multiple simultaneous relationships

A person can be monogamous, but still in a relationship anarchy type relationship. It’s a choice. So it’s the same as polygamy.

Focused on building relationships and not just sex

Uh, all healthy relationships are like that.

Reject creating rules and hierarchies

They believe that rules are made to control another person and create hierarchies. It’s about respecting each other’s choices regardless of how selfish or stupid it is. It’s all about irresponsibility.

Limit expectations placed on other people

Because irresponsibility is the word of the day, don’t expect anything from them (nor they from you). It makes sense since people in relationship anarchy advocate people to develop independently of each other, which is in conflict with the “not just sex thing,” but it seems they don’t realize that.

Don’t differentiate between their romantic, sexual, or platonic

Because people are “labeled as friends, boyfriends, wives, and so on and so forth… it’s bad.” So it’s rejected simply because other relationship possibilities without labels exist. Bovine Manure, they are just hiding the fact that labels are implied expectations. It’s like saying we can’t have job titles at work because it presumes the duties you’re supposed to do for the company.

Stay away from entitlement and demands

They want to be in a relationship without roles. They are allowed to be in a relationship with anybody they want, except “anybody” is not allowed to demand or expect anything from them. Why have a relationship at all?

Another Look from the Horse’s Mouth

“Relationship anarchy is not about never committing to anything – it’s about designing your own commitments with the people around you.” – Andie Nordgren

Looking at relationship anarchy from a quote by one of its modern advocates and some even say she is its founder. It clearly shows that RA is just a flexible form of commitment that is custom tailored to fit the needs of someone who can’t promise anything, does not want any rules, and does not expect anything from them, or anyone else. In other words, it’s a custom designed commitment minus the commitment.

Here is an English translated version of the Relationship Anarchy Manifesto also written by Andie Nordgren. Relationship anarchy 101-

Love is abundant, and every relationship is unique

– This one claims that there’s more than enough love to go around, so it’s nonsensical to love just one person. Obviously, but you can’t love your mother, daughter, and wife the same way. It would be weird.

Love and respect instead of entitlement

This is based on the assumption that the foundation of a relationship is entitlements, they probably believe they’re a princess in the middle ages or something.

Find your core set of relationship values

It means they don’t bend over just to have a relationship. So technically it means they are entitled to stick to their philosophy, take it or leave it, love and respect are irrelevant. If this somehow conflicts with the previous line, then someone probably didn’t notice it.

Heterosexism is rampant and out there, but don’t let fear lead you

It says that society dictates the definition of love, don’t be afraid to have your own definition like “I don’t give a damn what every else thinks, as long as I get to do what I want in a relationship.”

Build for the love unexpected

It says be who they want to be, without being judged. If they screw up, it’s not their fault, because you’re the idiot who got into a relationship with a narcissistic prick.

Fake it til’ you make it

It talks about the difficulty of finding someone dumber than they are to accept relationship anarchy conditions (not rules -rules are bad), so they should pretend to be happy until they lie to themselves enough and believe it.

Trust is better

Relationship Anarchists believe that if you understand it’s a polygamous relationship form the start. Then both parties are trustworthy since there’s no need to hide anything.

Change through communication

It says that people in a Relationship Anarchy should continuously open up their feelings since they assume that “normal” healthy relationships don’t.

Customize your commitments

This is about the original quote of pretending to have a commitment without having any.

Final Takeaway

Relationship Anarchy is exactly what it says, it is. It’s a relationship without being in a relationship. It’s like the third-string goalie in a football game loaned from a different club. You can’t demand anything from them, you shouldn’t expect them to contribute, they can move to a different club anytime,  and they don’t event attend team practice.

Solo polyamory is the same, except they know they are narcissistic, while relationship anarchists don’t. Another difference between a solo poly vs relationship anarchy is structure. They actually comprehend that not all relationships are equal. They understand that their feelings and desires come first above all others, and then from there, there’s a hierarchy over which matters next.

Relationship Anarchy, on the other hand, rejects hierarchy and believes that everything is “unique.” It did not explain if some unique relationships are more important than others or how the dynamics of non-labeling fits into reality. It logically follows that without hierarchy, everyone is equal. Elon Musk, Donald Trump, and their grandmother are the same. Unless relationship anarchists are lying and there are super-groups such as strangers,subservients, and “uncategorized.”