How to Forgive Someone Who Hurt You in a Relationship: 15 Ways
In This Article
Forgiving and letting go of your partner’s hurtful mistakes is the key to contentment in married life. Every relationship, let alone the one between a man and a woman, faces hiccups due to various reasons.
Did your partner cheat on you? Did they lie to you? And has this left you feeling distressed and unhappy all the time?
It is important to realize that people are imperfect and full of errors. That is what makes them human. Every partner who works along the lines of this school of thought shall be able to forgive their partner for whatever reason they might have hurt you.
How to forgive someone who hurt you in a relationship? Here are some helpful analogies for a better and stronger relationship.
Why is forgiving someone so difficult?
Forgiving someone who has hurt or disappointed us can be difficult as we might be unable to move past these feelings. Any reminder of these feelings can stop you from letting go of whatever hurt you in the past.
Sometimes our ego can also get in the way of us forgiving someone. By forgiving them, we accept their behavior or undermine the painful past, even if this is untrue.
How to forgive someone who isn’t sorry
The problem with forgiving someone who has hurt you is that sometimes they aren’t exactly sorry. But your forgiveness should not be dependent on this, as research has shown that holding grudges can impact your health negatively.
If you are trying to forgive someone who isn’t sorry, remember that you are doing it for yourself. Studies have shown that forgiveness can improve your mental and physical health, so don’t allow your forgiveness to be dependent on another person’s acknowledgment.
15 ways to forgive someone who has hurt you
If you are trying to learn how to forgive someone who hurt you in a relationship, you are already on the right path. It indicates your intention to move past a painful incident and heal yourself.
Here are some steps that can assist you in figuring out how to forgive a partner who has hurt you:
1. Do it for yourself
When your partner has hurt you, you feel the urge to hurt them the same way. However, doing so can give rise to even more complications in the relationship.
If not for the partner, you must forgive them for your own sake and peace of mind. The more grudges you will hold against your companion regarding their mistakes, the more mental stress you will put yourself into. So forgive them for yourself because you don’t deserve this.
Related Reading: 10 Ways to Find Yourself Again in a Relationship
2. Understand what happened and why it hurt
Look back to the incident which hurt and upset you. Accept that it happened and establish the causes of why it hurt you. It could be a deep-rooted problem that you dislike about yourself and has been mirrored before you in the shape of your partner’s doing.
Reevaluation of the incident is very crucial to get to the point where a solution can be achieved. You can analyze why what the partner did hurt you to be able to forgive them truly.
3. Acceptance of each other
Another way to learn how to forgive your partner who has hurt you is to accept certain behaviors. When you get into a committed relationship with someone, you already know some of the behaviors they possess.
When the relationship continues for a long time, you get more accustomed to how your partner behaves in different circumstances. Initial fights and arguments in a relationship reveal the other partner’s general nature and attitude towards dealing with issues.
If a certain behavior does not change and the same problems keep arising, it is best to accept some things so no more fights occur. Once you accept your partner’s certain manners, you do not get so annoyed and can easily forgive them and move on.
4. Don’t go to bed angry
Some may think that after getting into a fight with your partner who has hurt you, the best option is to sleep it off as you are too furious to talk to them.
On the contrary, it has been found that sleeping in an angry mood will keep you from a stress-free sleep, affecting your brain activity the entire night.
Also, when you wake up the next day, you are going to be equally or even angrier than the night before.
Discussing the matter then and there allows you both to see the situation more clearly and feel better sooner. Thus, whenever you are caught up in a similar circumstance, be vigilant to talk it out before you go off to sleep. This will lead to a quick reconciliation of the matter.
5. Be patient
It would be best not to push yourself into forgiving your partner to feel fine. It must happen on its own time. Be patient with the process and allow yourself to feel any emotions expected of you as you are hurt.
If you jump to the step of forgiveness without fully comprehending and accepting the situation, it may lead to bigger problems. One of the problems with repressed emotions and feelings is that they may eventually outburst at the wrong time.
Related Reading: 15 Ways to Have More Patience in a Relationship
6. Own your emotions
Your feelings are your own. It is in your hands to allow how much a situation discomforts you. The better control you have over your anger, the easier it becomes for you to feel better and eventually forgive your partner for their mistakes.
7. Practice self-care
If you are trying to understand how to forgive someone who keeps hurting you, take some time for yourself, as this can be mentally taxing.
Try to do healing things for you so that you are in a better position to assess and react to the situation. It can also help you understand the difference between forgiving and forgetting. Part of this self-care includes walking away from your hurtful partner for some time.
8. Give yourself time
People might give you a lot of advice on how to forgive someone you love, but all advice should consider your specific circumstances and personality.
If you feel that you are not mentally ready to forgive your partner, give yourself time to accept your feelings and come to terms with them. Forcing yourself to forgive someone before you are ready can make things worse.
9. Communicate how you feel
Relationship counseling emphasizes the importance of communicating properly with your partner, especially when something hurts you.
An important aspect of forgiveness is conveying how you feel and what hurt you. It allows the other person to understand your perspective and realize where they went wrong. Once you feel they understand your problem, you will likely find it easier to forgive them.
10. Choose forgiveness
Forgiveness does not happen automatically in situations where you’re genuinely hurt. You will have to consciously decide to forgive them daily.
It would be best if you recognized that holding a grudge won’t benefit you, so make the decision to forgive them. However, if the mistake is insurmountable for you, you can choose to forgive and yet consider ending the relationship to protect yourself.
Watch this video to learn more about choosing forgiveness, as explained by Kim Phúc Phan Thị:
11. Seek support
If you find it difficult to process your hurt sentiments, talk to people that you know and trust. They can help you understand the position that you are in and how to deal with it healthily.
Your friends and family can allow you to see why and how forgiveness is possible for the sake of the relationship or your mental health.
12. Focus on the present
If you continue living in the past, then you will not be able to move on towards a healthier future.
Forgiveness allows you to prioritize the present over the past and stops you from dwelling on things that may have happened in the past. It can hamper healthier possibilities that are available in your present.
13. Be grateful for the good
You can make room for forgiveness if you choose to be grateful for all the good things that your partner does. It might help you identify the insignificant nature of the mistake in comparison to the major positives that your partner brings into your life.
Related Reading: Not Feeling Grateful? Here’s Some Useful Relationship Advice
14. Write things down
Take the time to write down how you are feeling and the reasons why forgiveness can be a healthier option for you. It will help you understand your feelings better while also being cathartic in helping you purge the feelings of being wronged or hurt.
15. Try being empathetic
We all make mistakes at times, even if our intention is not to hurt anyone. So, try to be empathetic towards your partner and what might have led them to make the mistake that they had made.
Related Reading: How to Build Empathy in Relationships
Can I truly forgive someone who has hurt me?
Many of us might wonder, “Should I forgive him for hurting me,” but the first doubt is usually whether it is even possible. Can we truly forgive someone who has hurt us in a real way?
Yes, it is possible to forgive someone completely even after they have hurt you, but it takes a lot of discipline and self-awareness. However, this does not mean you forget about it completely; it just means you choose to move past the negative sentiments and start anew with someone.
Forgiving your partner for their mistakes does not mean you forget what they did. It’s vital to understand that it is not about vengeance or winning against your partner. When you love them, you always find a way to forgive them.
Following the steps mentioned above will benefit your relationship and prove to be good for your mental and physical health.
Share this article on
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.