What Not to Do After a Breakup: 20 Things

There is no easy way to handle a breakup. You can’t take a pill and be okay the next day. It’s a process that some of us take, and it could genuinely be heartbreaking.

We all have different ways on how we cope with breakups. Some people choose to be alone while others seek closure, but do you know what not to do after a breakup?

We need to know the things not to do after a breakup because most of the time, we’re so clouded by our emotions that we regret these actions.

If you’ve been through a hard breakup or you’re wondering about what you shouldn’t do after romantic rejections, read through.

20 Things you should never do right after a breakup

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Breakups can drain you emotionally and bring about painful moments and many questions. Emotional recovery is hard when you experience painful emotions, unanswered questions, and “what ifs.”

Since we’re feeling powerful emotions and we’re hurt, we are susceptible to poor judgment, and with that come impulsive actions that we end up regretting.

So, before we act vulnerable after a breakup, check these 20 tips what not to do after a breakup.

1. Don’t contact your ex

The number one what not to do after a breakup tip is not to contact your ex.

We understand. You still have so many questions, and sometimes, you feel you’ve broken up, and you could not say what you wanted to say. After a breakup, you have these questions and the urge to communicate.

Whether to fix your relationship, let out unsaid words, let your ex know about your resentments, or just because you miss them, stop right there. Don’t contact your ex, no matter what reason you have.

2. Don’t leave any communication open

To fully recover from a breakup, don’t allow your communication lines to be open.

It’s normal if there’s a part of you deep inside that is hoping your ex will contact you. 

However being connected with your ex or there  parents and siblings might not be healthy and may  prevent you from moving on.

Some people find they can heal better if they delete their ex’s contact number (even if you know it by heart), their social media accounts, and their e-mail address.

However, what if you don’t want to click delete?

Empowerment mentor Dionne Eleanor states:

Consider “what the purpose of this relationship is.”

Related Reading: Open Communication In a Relationship: How to Make it Work

3. Don’t stalk their social media accounts

This is one of the most common problems post-breakup and the number one thing when it comes to what not to do after a breakup. Don’t stalk your ex on their social media accounts.

Distract yourself from a breakup when you feel tempted to check your ex’s social media.

Sure, you may have blocked him, but stop yourself from creating another account to check what’s new with your ex. 

4. Don’t remain friends on social media

Some people think it’s okay to be friends with their ex on social media because they don’t want to look bitter.

You don’t have to.

It’s hard to forget your ex if you always see their profile on your feed, right? Go ahead and click the “unfriend” and “unfollow” buttons.

If there comes a time when you have moved on and want to be friends, you can add your ex back. As of now, focus on healing and moving on.

Related Reading: 8 Ways Social Media Ruins Relationships

5. Don’t ask your mutual friends about your ex

Impulsive breakup actions include the temptation to check on your ex through your mutual friends.

It’s tempting to ask a friend, but don’t do it for your sake.

You’re no longer connected, so don’t spend time, energy, and emotions on someone who has probably moved on. It’s time to focus on yourself and how you could move forward.

6. Don’t stalk and compare yourself to their new partner

It was good while it lasted, but now your ex has a new partner.

That’s part of life, and that’s okay! Remember that you’re no longer together, and beating yourself up because there’s someone new might not be healthy for your mental health.

Just because they have a new partner doesn’t mean that you should compare yourself and think that you’re not good enough.

Related Reading: 10 Reasons You Should Never Compare Relationships or Your Partner

7. Don’t stop your life

After a breakup, it’s okay to wallow. Let’s say about a week. Call your friends, cry, watch sad movies, and pour your heart out.

It’s good to let all the anger, sadness, and pain, but after that. Stand up, take a long bath, and start moving on.

So, what not to do after a breakup? Don’t stay miserable for more than a few days.

8. Don’t pretend that you’re not affected

Crying and being sad for more than a week is not good, but so is pretending to be okay.

Some people who refuse to feel the pain or accept rejection will pretend that everything is okay. They would become more productive and hyper and would go out every night.

Male psychology after a breakup talks about how some men may sometimes act like everything is normal even when it’s not.

There is no skip button for that pain that you are feeling. Allow yourself to grieve first, and when that heavy feeling has subsided, move on with your life. Call your family and friends to support you.

9. Don’t try to be friends with your ex

It’s possible to stay close friends with your ex. Some couples realize they are better off as best friends than lovers, but this won’t work with everyone.

Don’t reconnect with your ex and try to be friends with them right after breaking up.

You can’t force yourself to be friends with your ex. After a breakup, it’s normal to want space and fix your life first. Also, if your relationship was toxic and your breakup was not good, don’t expect to be best buddies after.

Allow time and the situation to be perfect, and once that happens, maybe you’ll be good friends.

Related Reading: 7 Rules of Being Friends with an Ex

10. Don’t let your breakup ruin your work

Some people feel confused and lack the drive to move on after a rough breakup. They don’t know what to do after breaking up with someone, which ultimately affects their work performance.

Instead of working, you might become distracted, may lose focus, and miss deadlines.

Don’t let your issues affect your work and performance, no matter how painful. If you think you can’t control your thoughts, it’s recommended to seek counseling after a breakup.

Related Reading: The 7 Stages of a Breakup and Tips to Heal Faster

11. Don’t let heartbreak stop you from socializing

Another what not to do after a breakup is to stop socializing.

We understand that it’s traumatic, and you don’t have the drive to talk to anyone and meet new friends. Though, ask yourself this, would it benefit you if you refuse to socialize?

Female psychology after a breakup is more on feeling intense emotions, so going out with your family and friends might help you move on.

Do you feel like you have social anxiety? Kati Morton, a licensed therapist, discusses CBT and the three practical ways to beat social anxiety.

12. Don’t look for a rebound

You found out that your ex has a new partner, so you decide to get a rebound because you’re still hurting.

Don’t do this.

Getting a rebound is not what to do right after a breakup. You’re just pretending to move on, but you’re just complicating things.

Aside from that, you’re being unfair to your new partner. 

Related Reading: Rebound Relationships – The Must Know Good Bad and Ugly

13. Don’t say you will never love again

After the breakup, what to do is never to say that you will never love again.

It’s painful, and at the moment, you don’t want to be associated with relationships and love. That’s understandable, but love is a beautiful thing. Don’t let an unpleasant experience stop you from experiencing something beautiful again.

Related Reading: 7 Simple Strategies for Finding Love Again in Life

14. Never contact your ex when you’re drunk

Here is what not to do after a breakup that you should remember even when you’re drunk. Never contact your ex when you’re drunk. No matter what your reason is, put down that phone and stop.

Before you lose your self-control, remind your friends to get your phone and stop you from doing something you will regret the following day.

15. Don’t answer a booty call

Another common scenario of what not to do after a breakup is when a broken person receives a call from an ex asking if they could meet for coffee.

That’s a red flag right there, so please, do yourself a favor and say no.

It might just be a post-breakup hookup, and you may not be able to recover from a breakup if you joined your ex for “coffee.”

As Dionne Eleanor, Empowerment mentor, states:

It’s very easy to end up in a “friends with benefits” situation after a breakup, and this is a recipe for deep heartbreak and emotional stress.”

16. Don’t store their stuff

You clean and see their book collection. Oh, those sweatshirts and baseball caps too.

It’s time to box them, donate or throw them away. There is no reason why you should keep them. Plus, you’ll need the extra space.

17. Stop visiting your go-to places

Do you want to forget your ex? Start by avoiding your favorite bar, coffee shop, and restaurant.

This might slow down your healing, and it’s like doing something that may hurt you even more.

18. Stop listening to your couple playlist

Instead of listening to your couple’s love song, switch your playlist to empowering single tracks that will make you feel hopeful and realize that you’re strong enough to move on. Why dwell on sad love songs when you can create your jam?

19. Don’t stay angry with the world

Avoiding new romantic opportunities or the things that make you happy will not help you.

Please don’t neglect your health, and we’re talking about physical, mental, and emotional health by staying bitter and angry.

Stop punishing yourself for the things that you can’t control. You’re just hurting one person here, and it’s not your ex.

It’s time to move on and begin with self-love.

20. Stop thinking that you will never be happy again

“Without this person, how can I be happy?”

Many people who have gone through a hurtful breakup may think that it’s the end of the world. Some can succumb to depression.

This may be the number one on our list of what not to do after a breakup.

Love yourself to know that ending a relationship is not the end of the world. It doesn’t mean you will never smile or be happy again.

It’s a part of life, and it’s up to you if you will seek a brighter tomorrow or dwell in the shadow of someone who has already moved on.

How long does it take to move on after a breakup?

The emotional recovery after a breakup does not have a concrete time frame.

Every relationship and every breakup is different. There can be many things to consider, like how long have you been together and how strong you are with emotional trials?

You also have to consider the reason for breaking up, if you have kids, and the support system and counseling that you will get.

Moving on after a breakup will depend on your will. Each journey to recovery is different, but it’s not impossible.

May it be three months, six months, or even a year, what matters is that you have progress and you learn how to love and respect yourself.

Related Reading: 25 Ways on How to Accept A Breakup And Finally Move On

How long should a person stay single after a breakup? 

Some people feel they are ready to jump into another relationship after a few months, but there’s nothing wrong with being single, especially when you think it’s time to focus on yourself first.

Get a pet, go back to school, start a new hobby, and enjoy going out with friends. These are just a few things that you can explore while you are single, so don’t rush.

There is no timeframe for how long you should stay single, but why not?

Enjoying your life is not bad at all, and besides, you’ll know when the right person for you comes.

Takeaway

Facing the fact that your relationship has ended is indeed painful. It would take lots of sleepless nights and painful days to move on, but stop right there if you think you won’t make it.

Life won’t end when you end a relationship that is not meant to be.

You will move on faster by knowing what not to do after a breakup. Soon, you’ll see why it ended, why you’re happy now, and why you’re hoping to fall in love again – soon.

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Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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