What is Self-Love and Why Is It So Important?

You may have seen or heard about self-love from billboards, podcasts, quotes, your favorite artists, and many more.

Many have talked about it, yet there are still people who do not fully understand the importance of loving yourself.

Every one of us needs to know the importance of treating ourselves with compassion, forgiving ourselves, and of course, loving ourselves.

What is self-love and self-compassion, and how do they change our lives?

In this article, we will talk about what is self-love and self-compassion and how we can start applying them in our lives.

How do you define self-love and self-compassion?

Before you can love other people or offer your love to another person, you must first love yourself.

This is something that most of us are forgetting. In the end, we are left with pain and disappointment.

The terms self-love and self-compassion are different yet connected.

Let us define the meaning of self-love first.

Self-love is knowing that you are a person worthy of love, compassion, and respect. Self-love in psychology means you know that you deserve happiness and well-being.

On the other hand, self-compassion is defined as understanding and being kind to yourself. If you can empathize with other people, you should do this to yourself, too.

On a side note, let us not confuse self-love with narcissism because they are two very different terms.

Self-love is loving everything about yourself. You don’t have to belittle or manipulate other people.

Narcissism is the opposite. You don’t genuinely love yourself. You just want to feed your ego that you belittle other people to be better.

Narcissists love chaos. They thrive when there’s chaos around them. Lisa A. Romano, a well-known life coach, tackles the five ways a narcissist creates chaos in your life. 

The psychology behind self-compassion and self-love

What is self-love, and why is it important?

Achieving self-love and self-compassion is an incredible feeling. It is not selfish at all. You owe it to yourself to make sure that you know what you deserve.

Let’s go back to these popular quotes:

“You can’t take care of anyone else until you’ve taken care of yourself.”

How can you offer compassion to other people if you can’t do this to yourself? How can you help others suffering if you are being too hard on yourself?

“You can’t love anyone else until you love yourself.”

Is it possible to fall in love with another person yet if you don’t even love yourself fully? How can you promise all your love to someone when you don’t even know the importance of self-love?

6 examples of healthy self-compassion and self-love

By now, you have an idea of what self-love and self-compassion are, but here are self-love examples that will make everything clearer.

Scenario 1:

A person feels bad because everyone in her family got invited to the reunion, and she wasn’t. As it turned out, all of them have cars and can travel long distances, and she doesn’t. She’s working two jobs and is trying her best. She was hurt and felt belittled.

She can show herself some self-compassion by saying, “I’ve done my best, and I’m still trying to make ends meet. Some people may not see that. It’s okay to feel bad, but I won’t dwell on this negative emotion.”

Scenario 2:

A model employee who was always eager to do her best at work didn’t get the promotion she wanted. She felt sad, but she decided to show herself some self-compassion by saying, “This promotion doesn’t define me or my performance. 

Even without that title, I can still persevere and enjoy my work. There are still plenty of chances. I’m not losing hope.”

Scenario 3:

A lady forgot about her best friend’s birthday. She felt terrible about missing that important date. However, she didn’t allow this issue to grow and decided to show herself some self-love. She reminded herself, “Everyone forgets, right? My friend already forgave me, so why can’t I do this to myself?”

Scenario 4:

There was a high school student who always aced her test. However, one day, she failed one exam. She simply reminded herself about self-love by saying, “Nobody is perfect. We all fail, and it’s not the end of the world. I can be better next time.”

Scenario 5:

A mother-in-law said something that offended her new daughter-in-law and made her cry. 

She felt terrible, but she also gave allowed herself to feel self-compassion by reminding herself, “We all make mistakes, and sometimes, we say things that we don’t mean. Those words do not define me as a person. I can apologize and be better.”

Scenario 6:

A busy dad ignored his son, even if the little boy was already asking permission to cut something. It turned out that the toddler played with some bills and cut them. 

The father yelled and got angry, only to realize his own mistakes. He used self-compassion to remind himself, “I am not a bad dad. Like many other fathers, I can also lose my temper. I will apologize and explain why I got angry, and then, next time, I’ll try to be more patient.”

Can you see how different self-love and self-compassion are with narcissism?

The 3 main components of self-compassion

 Value yourself and start with the three components of self-compassion.

1. Mindfulness – is being aware of ourselves and being fully present in a given situation. This allows us not to overreact to triggers or any given situation. It helps us be conscious when we are experiencing complex emotions.
2. Self-kindness – is, as it says, treating yourself with kindness. Often, when we make mistakes, we blame ourselves too much. Treating yourself with kindness allows you to understand that you, too, can make mistakes. 
3. Common humanity – is a term used to recognize and acknowledge that we can feel unpleasant emotions and that it’s a part of life. 

Once we get a deeper understanding of these three components, it will enable us to be more compassionate, not just to ourselves but also to other people. 

How important is self-love when it comes to our well-being?

If we practice self-love, how can this contribute to our overall well-being?

The answer here is simple. If you practice self-love and self-compassion, you feel good and happy. Without knowing it, we become too hard on ourselves, causing added stress and sadness.

If you learn to practice self-compassion and start self-loving yourself, your life becomes better, and you become happier. 

How do you start practicing self-love?

Some might think, “It’s easy to say that you should love or be compassionate about yourself, but it cannot be done easily.”

It’s understandable to have doubts. Not everyone can learn what is self-love in an instant. We also can’t shift and instantly know how to practice self-love, right?

You can start by acceptance.

Accepting is also facing that you need to work on your self-love. If you know which areas you need to work on, that would be great. You can start by listing them and keeping a journal.

If you think you need more help, you can also work with a professional. These trained professionals can help you assess the level of love and compassion you are giving yourself. 

They can also help you work on the things you could do to love yourself more.

5 great steps on how to love yourself more 

Try these steps and start loving yourself more. Constantly remind yourself that you deserve the love that you are giving.

1. Don’t compare yourself to others. You are beautifully unique, and you should love yourself for that. 
2. Don’t think twice and let go of toxic people. Put yourself first and take care of your mental health. Protect yourself from toxic people. 
3. Put yourself first. Please don’t feel bad if you will buy yourself something first. Don’t feel bad if you want to put your happiness first. You deserve to be happy.
4. Don’t live your life by the standards of other people. Let go. You do not have to make a life for yourself according to other people’s opinions. They don’t own you. 
5. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you make mistakes. Remember, nobody is perfect. We all make bad decisions and mistakes. Forgive yourself and use that experience to be better. 

What are the self-compassion letter and mantra techniques?

The self-compassion letter and mantra are techniques to try to practice self-compassion.

The self-compassionate letter

Do you like keeping a journal, or have you ever tried keeping a diary? If you had, then that’s a good start. 

This self-compassion letter is a great and proven way to remind yourself that self-compassion should always be practiced.  

Try these steps and start your letter.

1. Think about something that makes you feel sad, insecure, and even ashamed.
2. Write it. You can put details about it too. 
3. Now, on another page, write a letter to yourself. Think of it as advising someone you love.  

The self-compassion mantra

Then, there’s another technique to use. Mantras are defined as sentences or phrases that you can use to remind yourself of your goals and inspirations.

“Yes, I’ve made a mistake.

But this mistake will not define me.

I need to be kind to myself.”

Like this mantra, you can create your own to remind yourself whenever you feel down, or you just want to refocus. 

5 proven exercises that can help you develop self-compassion

We’ve gathered five proven ways how you can practice self-compassion.

1. Treat yourself like a friend

When a friend needs someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, and someone who will give them advice, we are there for them. 

With this thought, you also need to be a friend to yourself. 

If you can give your friend the love, understanding, and compassion that they need, then you can do it to yourself as well.  

Also Try: How Important Is Self-Care Quiz

2. Develop self-compassion by writing 

If you love writing, then this would be your favorite. This is the self-compassion letter that we have already talked about.  

By practicing this, you create a safe space for yourself and your thoughts. 

You can list down the things that bother you, and then, like a good friend, you can write what you want to make yourself feel better.  

3. Modify how you use critical self-talk 

This aims to change how we talk to ourselves. This exercise will take a while and a lot of practice but can make a huge difference. 

Start by noticing how you are talking to yourself. What tone do you use? What words do you use when you process your thoughts about yourself about a major mistake?  

In this step, you might notice what words you are using to yourself. Next, you need to start pointing out the negative self-talk and confront it.  

Once you have done this, you can rethink and rephrase the words that you tell yourself.  

Here’s an example: 

You got angry with your mom and said hurtful words.  

“I am worthless! See, everyone was right! I am not the son that mom wanted. I am useless, and I can’t even make her happy. I am ashamed of myself!  

Listen to those unkind words, take them, and rephrase them. Be compassionate to yourself. 

“I made a mistake. I did. I am accepting that it was my fault. I didn’t mean that, and I want to say sorry. I know I am better than this mistake, and I shouldn’t dwell, but instead, I should make up for it.” 

4. Meditate

If you know how to meditate, you can practice mindfulness and calmness. Along with the other benefits of meditation, you would be more compassionate and loving to yourself. 

Related Reading: The 5 Pillars of Self-Care

5. Learn the self-compassion break

This exercise will improve how you understand yourself. In fact, it will only take a few minutes to do it, and the outcome would be undeniable.

When you are faced with a tough situation, say, you lost a job. You can take a moment, close your eyes, and tell to yourself:

“This is just a moment of suffering.”

Once you have addressed this fact, you are already being mindful.

With mindfulness comes the ability to accept the situation and focus on the solution. 

Instead of dwelling with the mixed and strong emotions, you can now focus on working for the solution.  

The 30-day self-love challenge 

We can find so many challenges on the Internet, and maybe, you’ve heard about this one too.

The 30-day self-love challenge aims to change a person’s habit of ignoring oneself.

Believe it or not, focusing on yourself can do wonders, especially during this pandemic.

Here’s a list of 30-easy-to-do self-love exercises. You can customize them according to the things that will make you feel important, loved, and happy.

Show self-love by:

–         Meditating for 5 minutes

–         Eating a full healthy meal for breakfast

–         Reading your favorite book

–         Drinking a warm tea

–         Jogging

–         Journaling

–         Sleep 8 hours

–         Clean and organize your home

–         Take a long bath

–         Light a scented candle

–         Watch a movie

–         Sing

–         Solve a puzzle

–         Paint

–         Bake or cook

–         Buy yourself a rose

–         Write 10 goals to reach this month

–         Go to a spa and treat yourself

–         Write down 10 things you are grateful for

–         Catch up with your best friend

–         Start gardening

–         Take dance classes

–         Create a vision board

–         Write down 10 affirmations

–         Volunteer

–         Drink more water

–         Listen to a podcast

–         Create a photobook

–         Paint your nails

–         Try out a new restaurant.

How are self-compassion and meditation related?

Self-compassion and meditation both work together so you can have more compassion in yourself.

With meditation, you enhance your ability to be mindful and aware of yourself. You start to develop that love and the happy feeling that you deserve, and when you do, you begin to be compassionate to yourself as well. 

Bonus: 5 quotes and affirmations about self-compassion

We’re pretty sure you are excited to try out these exercises – to change how you treat yourself and to be more self-loving and self-compassionate.

Here are 5 beautiful quotes to jumpstart your journey.

“Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.” — Christopher Germer

“This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to me in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need.” — Kristin Neff

“Self-care is not selfish or self-indulgent. We cannot nurture others from a dry well. We need to take care of our own needs first, so that we can give from our surplus, our abundance. When we nurture others from a place of fullness, we feel renewed instead of taken advantage of.”— Jennifer Louden

“To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness.” — Robert Morely

“Love yourself unconditionally, just as you love those closest to you despite their faults.” — Les Brown

Conclusion

We have all experienced moments where we are not so happy about ourselves. There are moments when we feel down, ashamed, and insecure about ourselves.

If we do something wrong, we tend to be too hard on ourselves, to the point where we even engage in self-hate and negative self-talk.

It’s hard when you are battling your inner thoughts. It’s even harder when you’re filled with negative thoughts about your own self.

It’s like a war inside.

This time, let us create a journey for ourselves – a journey of discovering self-love and self-compassion.

Let us begin to show ourselves that, we too, deserve the love and compassion we are giving to others.

Once you learn what is self-love and how it can change your life, you will see how much you can do for yourself.

Remember, you are worthy of love, respect, and care. Start with yourself and make yourself whole.