21 Glaring Signs of a Selfish Partner to Watch out For

Selflessness is the heart of a healthy relationship; without it, love struggles to thrive.

When it comes to love, give-and-take is essential. But what happens when the balance tips too far in one direction? 

When your partner is selfish, it can leave you feeling drained, undervalued, and questioning the very foundation of your relationship.

Have you ever found yourself wondering, “Is my partner selfish?” 

Do you often feel like your needs are overlooked or dismissed? 

These are just a few signs of a selfish partner that can quietly erode the bond you share. A selfish relationship isn’t just challenging; it can be emotionally exhausting, making you feel isolated and unheard.

But how do you recognize these behaviors before they cause irreparable harm? And, more importantly, how can you deal with them effectively? 

This article offers insights into the warning signs of a selfish partner and provides practical steps on how to address them.

Therefore, relationships characterized by selfishness are more likely to face long-term dissatisfaction and conflict. 

So, if you’re noticing any of these signs, it’s crucial to take action sooner rather than later. Read this guide to understand the red flags and learn how to restore balance in your relationship.

What does a selfish partner mean?

A selfish partner is someone who consistently prioritizes their own needs and desires over yours, often at the expense of your happiness and well-being. 

This behavior can manifest in various ways, such as dismissing your opinions, refusing to compromise, or expecting you to cater to their needs without reciprocation. 

For example, if you find that my partner is selfish, it could mean they regularly make plans without considering your schedule, leaving you feeling overlooked and unimportant.

Being selfish in a relationship can lead to dissatisfaction and resentment, which are key signs of a selfish partner. 

Recognizing these signs is the first step toward addressing the imbalance and restoring harmony in your relationship.

Is selfishness a red flag?

Yes, selfishness is definitely a red flag in a relationship. One of the key signs of a selfish partner is their tendency to prioritize their own needs above yours, leaving you feeling rejected and undervalued. 

This lack of balance can slowly erode the foundation of trust and mutual respect that a healthy relationship needs to thrive.

Another aspect that makes selfishness a serious concern is when someone is emotionally selfish. They may be unwilling to provide emotional support or simply dismiss your feelings, making it hard for you to feel truly connected. This emotional disconnect can lead to feelings of isolation and resentment over time.

Selfishness also often signals a deeper issue—an inability to compromise. In any relationship, compromise is essential for growth and understanding. When one person refuses to meet halfway, it can create a power imbalance that’s hard to overcome.

How does being with a selfish partner affect you?

Being in a relationship with a selfish partner can deeply impact your emotional well-being and the overall health of the relationship. It’s crucial to recognize how to know if your partner is selfish so you can address these issues before they cause lasting harm.

Here are the significant effects of being with a selfish partner, broken down into key areas:

1. Emotional exhaustion

• When you’re always putting your partner’s needs first, it can leave you feeling emotionally drained.
• This one-sided dynamic often results in you feeling neglected, as though your emotions and desires don’t matter.
• The continuous emotional labor required to maintain the relationship can lead to burnout, making it difficult to stay engaged or invested in the relationship.

2. Communication breakdown

• One of the critical signs of a selfish partner is their inability or unwillingness to empathize with your feelings.
• Without empathy, meaningful communication becomes challenging. 
• Selfish partners may avoid addressing issues because it doesn’t benefit them, leading to unresolved problems that fester over time.

3. Diminished self-esteem

• When your partner consistently overlooks your needs and feelings, it can send a message that you’re not valued.
• Over time, you may start doubting your value in the relationship and in other areas of your life. 
• The negative messages you receive from a selfish partner can become internalized, leading you to believe that your needs and feelings are less important than those of others.

4. Erosion of trust

• Selfish behavior often leads to doubts about your partner’s intentions and commitment.
• Without trust, it’s difficult to feel secure in the relationship. You might constantly worry about their loyalty.
• As trust erodes, the foundation of the relationship becomes unstable.

5. Growing resentment and emotional distance

• Over time, selfish behavior can lead to a buildup of frustration and resentment.
• As resentment grows, so does the emotional distance between you and your partner.
• The combination of resentment and emotional distance can strain the relationship to the point where it feels more like a burden than a source of joy and support.

21 signs of a selfish partner to watch out for

When it comes to relationships, identifying selfish behavior in a partner can be crucial in determining whether a relationship is healthy and sustainable. 

Selfish behavior in relationships can cause strain and emotional distress, leading to an unhealthy dynamic. Recognizing the signs of selfish behavior is essential to make informed decisions about your relationship. 

Below, we’ll discuss some red flags in relationships that may indicate a partner’s selfish behavior and answer your question, “What are the red flags of a relationship?”

1. They prioritize your achievements over you

A telltale red flag is when a partner feels that you are never good enough for your partner. 

You can sense that they are more interested in your career than your character. 

The person gives more importance to your status, such as your appearance or professional accomplishments. They are not interested in your personality because they cannot connect emotionally and empathize. As a result, you often sense that you are invisible.

2. “Me” is more important than “We”

Your partner needs to consider and value your opinion when deciding. 

A good partner cares about your happiness the same way they care about their own.

So, if you’re asking how to know if your partner is selfish, one of the signs of a selfish partner is when your partner doesn’t give importance to your happiness if they do not consider your choices. A possible breakup can happen since you are disconnected and dissatisfied.

3. They are controlling

If a self-centered partner has many rules, this is to ensure that expectations are met. 

Selfish people can also be narcissistic, so they expect a lot from others. If these expectations are not met, they usually make judgments.

For instance, your partner wants you to notify him a day before you go out with your friends, but they are spontaneous in making plans with their friends.

Feeling anger and hate and not having a real, honest, and respectful relationship stems from unequal relationship rules.

4. They never check how your day was

You can feel unimportant when the person you talk to tries to take control of the conversation, even when you have something important to share. 

Nothing feels better than being home after a very long day at work. A quality partner asks you how your day went after you arrived home. They give their full attention to what you are saying even though you are just complaining most of the time.

5. They ruin your achievements

A selfish man in a relationship can be happy with your success. 

However, the problem comes in when your success overpowers theirs. They will undermine your success once you become better than them. 

One classic example is your partner demanding a lot of attention from you the day before your promotion interview. They can also throw tantrums to keep you distracted from achieving your goal.

6. They interrupt you when you talk

Self-centered people in relationships tend to enjoy hearing their voice more when they talk to someone. 

When you argue, they talk over you to defend their side instead of accepting what you have to say. 

To feel loved, you need to feel that you are heard. A relationship becomes emotionally one-sided when one does not consistently listen well.

7. They want you to beg

A partner who makes you feel guilty when you make decisions, expects you to agree all the time, and does not care about what you have to say is alarming.

One of the most important aspects of relationships is compromising. 

You should not beg your partner to have things your way. What you need and want are as important as theirs. You cannot have balance in your relationship if you hate this trait of your partner.

8. They take everything until you have nothing

Selfish partners will take everything from you, such as attention and care, until you have nothing left. 

This partner will likely leave you once you give up because they will see the need to give. Because they only care about themselves, giving something does not benefit them.

9. They decide when the relationship progresses

When there is a selfish partner in a relationship, chances are the relationship will grow only when they is ready. 

They do not reflect or ask for your opinions on where you are currently in your relationship. They make the call on when and what happens next in your relationship. That is because they assume you are all in.

10. They dismiss or belittle your needs

When you express your needs once in a while, a selfish partner is not interested in hearing about them, often dismissing or belittling your concerns. 

They fail to recognize the importance of your needs in building a strong and healthy relationship. Consequently, it leaves you feeling undervalued and disconnected, as if you and your partner are no longer working as a cohesive team. 

Related Reading: https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/appreciating-and-valuing-your-spouse/

11. They do not take responsibility

Selfish partners do not see anything wrong with their behaviors and actions, refusing to take responsibility for the impact it has on you and the relationship. 

Instead of acknowledging their mistakes, they shift the blame onto you and constantly deflect accountability. This lack of personal responsibility and refusal to apologize demonstrates a fundamental lack of empathy and maturity.

12. They act impulsively

Selfish partners act impulsively, often prioritizing their own desires and needs without considering the impact on you or the relationship. 

They react without thinking and disregard your emotions when you express sadness, jealousy, or anger. 

A selfish partner’s impulsive behavior demonstrates a lack of foresight and empathy, as they fail to pause and reflect on the consequences their actions or words may have on you.

13. They show a constant need for attention

Selfish lovers constantly seek attention and validation, making everything about them. 

They may monopolize conversations and expect you to prioritize their needs above all else. This behavior can leave you feeling emotionally drained and unimportant in the relationship.

14. They are emotionally unavailable

A selfish partner may struggle to connect emotionally, avoiding deep discussions about feelings and dismissing your emotional needs. 

They might shut down when you seek support, leaving you feeling isolated and unheard.

In the video below, relationship expert Jayson Gaddis talks about dealing with an emotionally unavailable partner:

15. They engage in disrespectful communication

Selfish lovers may belittle or ridicule your opinions and feelings, showing a lack of respect. 

They might interrupt you or talk over you, disregarding your thoughts. This disrespectful communication can erode trust and intimacy in the relationship.

16. They show frequent flakiness

A selfish lover often cancels plans or fails to follow through on commitments, leaving you feeling disappointed and undervalued. 

They may prioritize their own desires over spending quality time with you, showing a lack of consideration for your feelings.

17. They are self-centered in the bedroom

In intimate moments, a selfish partner may prioritize their pleasure and satisfaction without considering your desires. 

They may overlook your needs, leading to an imbalanced and unsatisfying sexual relationship that can leave you feeling unfulfilled and disconnected.

18. They are indifferent to your feelings

Selfish partners might not care or acknowledge your feelings unless it benefits them. 

They might dismiss your emotions, showing little interest in understanding how you feel. Allowing this behavior leads to feelings of neglect, unhappiness, and emotional disconnection from the relationship.

19. They have a pattern of betrayal

Selfish behavior can lead to secretive actions, cheating, and lies. 

A selfish partner might have a history of betraying their past or present relationships. They might also blame their partners for their infidelity instead of accepting responsibility for their actions. 

20. They manipulate situations to avoid responsibility

A selfish partner often twists situations to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. 

They might deflect blame, make excuses, or manipulate you into feeling guilty for their mistakes. This manipulation undermines trust and makes it difficult to hold them accountable, leaving you feeling confused and powerless.

21. They exploit your kindness

Selfish partners often exploit your kindness and generosity, taking advantage of your willingness to give.

They might continually ask for favors, expect you to prioritize their needs, and rarely, if ever, reciprocate. This exploitation can leave you feeling used and unappreciated, creating resentment and emotional exhaustion.

How to deal with a selfish partner in a relationship: 7 effective ways

Dealing with a selfish partner can be challenging, but it’s still worth to try and address the issues you’re facing. 

Selfish behavior can create emotional distance, resentment, and a lack of trust, all of which can erode the foundation of your relationship. Here are seven effective ways to deal with a selfish partner and foster a healthier connection:

1. Communicate genuinely

One of the most crucial steps in dealing with a selfish partner is to have an open and honest conversation about how their behavior is affecting you. 

Share your feelings without blaming or accusing, and focus on how their actions make you feel. This can help your partner understand the impact of their behavior and encourage them to make positive changes.

2. Set practical boundaries

Establishing boundaries is essential when dealing with selfishness in a relationship. Clearly communicate what behaviors are unacceptable and what you need from your partner. Boundaries help protect your emotional well-being and prevent your partner from taking advantage of your kindness.

3. Encourage empathy

Helping your partner develop empathy is key to addressing selfish behavior. Encourage them to consider your perspective and understand how their actions affect you. You can do this by gently pointing out situations where empathy is lacking and suggesting ways they can be more considerate.

4. Adopt self-care practices

Taking care of yourself is crucial when dealing with a selfish partner. Focus on your own needs, hobbies, and interests, and make sure you’re not neglecting your well-being. Practicing self-care can help you maintain your self-esteem and emotional health, even if your partner’s behavior doesn’t change.

5. Professional help can be effective

If selfish behavior persists and affects your relationship’s health, consider seeking professional help. 

Couples therapy can provide a safe space to explore underlying issues and develop healthier communication patterns. A therapist can also help your partner understand the impact of their behavior and work on becoming more empathetic and considerate.

6. Be prepared to make tough decisions

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, a partner’s selfish behavior may not change. 

If you find that the relationship is causing more harm than good, it might be time to consider whether it’s worth continuing. It’s important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness, even if it means making a difficult decision to walk away.

7. Model the behavior you want to see

Lead by example by demonstrating the behavior you want from your partner. Show kindness, empathy, and consideration in your interactions, and gently encourage your partner to do the same. Sometimes, seeing these behaviors modeled can inspire your partner to make positive changes.

Turning the tide

At the end of the day, every relationship is a two-way street. If you find yourself constantly giving without receiving the same in return, it’s time to take a step back and reflect on what you truly deserve. 

It’s not about pointing fingers or playing the blame game; it’s about creating a partnership where both of you feel valued and respected.

So, what’s next? Start the conversation. Be honest about your feelings and what you need from the relationship. Encourage empathy, set clear boundaries, and don’t be afraid to seek help if you need it. 

Your happiness and emotional well-being are worth fighting for. It’s never too late to turn things around, but it takes effort from both sides. Take charge of your love life—because you deserve a relationship where you both thrive.