19 Red Flags of Selfish Partners to Lookout For
Some people are perfect for relationships, while some are not so much. Being in a relationship means being selfless and compassionate, and not everybody is fortunate enough to get a partner who shows such values.
Unfortunately, many people do not realize they are with someone too selfish to be committed and continue being in a relationship with unequal efforts. If you feel your partner always puts themselves first, continue reading to discover the signs of a selfish partner and how to deal with them.
What is a selfish partner?
Before you ask yourself, “Is my partner selfish?” it’s essential to understand what a selfish partner acts like in a relationship. A selfish partner is someone who constantly puts their needs and desires above those of their partner.
They prioritize personal gain without considering the impact on the relationship. Such individuals may be insensitive to their partner’s feelings and dismissive of their wants. A selfish partner tends to seek validation and attention while neglecting their partner’s emotional well-being, leading to an imbalanced and unsatisfying relationship.
Is selfishness a red flag?
If you constantly feel “My partner is selfish” and wonder if you should be concerned, the answer is yes. It is a matter of concern until your partner can work it out.
Being selfish means having too much concern for oneself and being inconsiderate of other people’s welfare. This concept contradicts the idea of getting into a relationship.
It is because being selfless is required to be with someone. That person needs to be ready to share, compromise, and sacrifice for their partner. Selfishness has no place in relationships.
Sadly, many selfish people do not realize they are self-centered. They are under the impression that they are the ideal partners. Though it is the opposite, they think they are generous and kind to others, even when they exhibit the signs of a selfish partner.
Being selfish is a red flag since they only care about what directly or indirectly benefits them. They would not think twice about using others to get what they want.
It is best to avoid being in a relationship with a hopelessly selfish person because it can lead to disappointment, manipulation, and abuse. You should also ask yourself, “Am I selfish in my relationship?” to confirm the problem partner of the relationship.
What are the effects of being in a relationship with a selfish partner?
Being in a relationship with a selfish partner can take a toll on your emotional well-being and the relationship’s health. That’s why it’s crucial to ask yourself, “Is my boyfriend selfish?” so you can prepare yourself for the next step.
Below are some effects that can occur if there is a selfish person in a relationship:
- Emotional exhaustion: Constantly catering to their needs can leave you emotionally drained and neglected.
- Communication breakdown: Selfish partners may struggle to empathize, leading to poor communication and misunderstandings.
- Diminished self-esteem: Constant disregard for your feelings can erode your self-confidence and sense of worth.
- Lack of trust: Selfish behavior may lead to doubts about their commitment and intentions.
- Resentment and distance: Over time, resentment can build, creating emotional distance and strain on the relationship.
9 signs to guess that a person is a selfish lover
Understanding whether or not someone is a selfish lover is a crucial aspect of a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship. So, how can you tell if your partner displays the signs of a selfish partner? Here are some situations to watch out for:
1. Never compromising
One of the signs of a selfish man or woman is not trying to meet halfway with you. This means that they do not want to exert any effort.
They do not want to feel inconvenienced because of others. Therefore, they will always try to make their partners come to them all the time.
2. Not attempting to fix things that upset you
If there is any problem in a relationship, couples work it out so that no one will feel hurt or upset again. However, when your partner is selfish, they will not consider your feelings and continue hurting you.
In such cases, it’s vital to ask, “Why is my partner so selfish?” Sometimes, you might be able to figure out the cause of the problem.
3. Making plans without considering you
One of the signs your partner is selfish is when they do things convenient for them but not for you as a couple.
You’ll notice that this person lets you know their schedule at the last minute since something more interesting might happen. Even when you are there, they will not care except when it makes them feel good.
4. Good at making excuses
Uncalled excuses are another indicator of selfishness in a relationship. Giving a lot of excuses, such as being too busy or tired to respond to you, is another sign of a selfish lover.
They do this to give a reason for not doing anything beneficial. They do not want to do things where they must give something in return.
5. Lack of reciprocation
A selfish lover rarely puts in the effort to please or satisfy their partner. They may expect constant attention and affection without giving much in return. This one-sided approach can lead to frustration and resentment, making the relationship feel unbalanced and unsatisfying for the neglected partner.
6. Self-centered conversations
What does it mean to be selfish? Maybe being selfish means directing every conversation toward your own benefit. In conversations, a selfish lover tends to dominate the topics, only talking about themselves and their interests.
They show little curiosity or genuine concern for their partner’s life, dismissing their feelings and experiences. This self-absorption hinders meaningful communication and emotional connection.
7. Dismissing feedback
When their partner offers suggestions or feedback to improve the relationship, a selfish lover may react defensively or ignore the input altogether.
They struggle to accept criticism, making it challenging to address issues or grow together. This behavior can hinder trust and emotional intimacy, leaving the partner unheard and unvalued.
8. Lack of empathy
A selfish lover often lacks empathy and fails to understand or consider their partner’s emotions and needs. They may not show genuine concern or offer support when their partner is going through a difficult time. Instead, they prioritize their own desires and feelings above all else.
9. Putting their needs first
One of the most apparent signs of a selfish lover is constantly prioritizing their own needs and desires over their partner’s.
They may consistently make decisions without consulting their partner or considering how it may affect them. This self-centered behavior can create a sense of neglect and resentment in the relationship.
19 red flags of selfish lovers to watch out for
When it comes to relationships, identifying selfish behavior in a partner can be crucial in determining whether a relationship is healthy and sustainable.
Selfish behavior in relationships can cause strain and emotional distress, leading to an unhealthy dynamic. Recognizing the signs of selfish behavior is essential to make informed decisions about your relationship.
Below, we’ll discuss some red flags in relationships that may indicate a partner’s selfish behavior and answer your question, “What are the red flags of a relationship?”
1. They prioritize your achievements over you
A telltale red flag is when a partner feels that you are never good enough for your partner. You can sense that they are more interested in your career than your character.
The person gives more importance to your status, such as your appearance or professional accomplishments. They are not interested in your personality because they cannot connect emotionally and empathize. As a result, you often sense that you are invisible.
2. “Me” is more important than “We”
Your partner needs to consider and put value to your opinion when deciding. A good partner cares for your happiness the same way they care about your happiness.
So, if you’re asking how to know if your partner is selfish, one of the signs of a selfish partner is when your partner doesn’t give importance to your happiness if they do not consider your choices. A possible breakup can happen since you are disconnected and dissatisfied.
3. They are controlling
Selfish people are narcissistic, so they expect a lot from others. If these expectations are not met, they usually make judgments.
If a self-centered partner has many rules, this is to ensure that expectations are met. For instance, your partner wants you to notify him a day before you go out with your friends, but they are spontaneous in making plans with their friends.
Feeling anger and hate and not having a real, honest, and respectful relationship stems from unequal relationship rules.
4. They never check how your day was
Nothing feels better than being home after a very long day at work. A quality partner asks you how your day went after you arrived home. They give their full attention to what you are saying even though you are just complaining most of the time.
You can feel unimportant when the person you talk to tries to take control of the conversation. This is a red flag because you are left unhappy and unnoticed.
5. They ruin your achievements
A selfish man in a relationship can be happy with your success. However, the problem comes in when your success overpowers theirs. They will undermine your success once you become better than them.
One classic example is your partner demanding a lot of attention from you the day before your promotion interview. They can also throw tantrums to keep you distracted from achieving your goal.
6. They interrupt you when you talk
Self-centered people in relationships tend to enjoy hearing their voice more when they talk to someone. When you argue, they talk over you to defend their side instead of accepting what you have to say.
To feel loved, you need to feel that you are heard. A relationship becomes emotionally one-sided when one does not consistently listen well.
7. They want you to beg
One of the most important aspects of relationships is compromising. A partner who makes you feel guilty when you make decisions, expects you to agree all the time, and does not care about what you have to say is alarming.
You should not beg your partner to have things your way. What you need and want are as important as theirs. You cannot have balance in your relationship if you hate this trait of your partner.
8. They take everything until you have nothing
Selfish partners will take everything from you, such as attention and care, until you have nothing left. This partner will likely leave you once you give up because they will see the need to give. Because they only care about themselves, giving something does not benefit them.
9. They decide when the relationship progresses
When there is a selfish partner in a relationship, chances are the relationship will grow when your partner is ready. They do not reflect or ask for your opinions on where you are currently in your relationship.
They make the call on when and what happens next in your relationship. That is because they assume you are all in.
10. They dismiss or belittle your needs
When you express your needs once in a while, a selfish partner is not interested in hearing about them, often dismissing or belittling your concerns.
They fail to recognize the importance of your needs in building a strong and healthy relationship. Consequently, it leaves you feeling undervalued and disconnected, as if you and your partner are no longer working as a cohesive team.
11. They do not take responsibility
Selfish partners do not see anything wrong with their behaviors and actions, refusing to take responsibility for the impact it has on you and the relationship.
Instead of acknowledging their mistakes, they shift the blame onto you and constantly deflect accountability. This lack of personal responsibility and refusal to apologize demonstrates a fundamental lack of empathy and maturity.
12. They act impulsively
Selfish partners act impulsively, often prioritizing their own desires and needs without considering the impact on you or the relationship. They react without thinking and disregard your emotions when you express sadness, jealousy, or anger.
A selfish partner’s impulsive behavior demonstrates a lack of foresight and empathy, as they fail to pause and reflect on the consequences their actions or words may have on you.
13. They show a constant need for attention
Selfish lovers constantly seek attention and validation, making everything about them. They may monopolize conversations and expect you to prioritize their needs above all else. This behavior can leave you feeling emotionally drained and unimportant in the relationship.
14. They are emotionally unavailable
A selfish partner may struggle to connect emotionally, avoiding deep discussions about feelings and dismissing your emotional needs. They might shut down when you seek support, leaving you feeling isolated and unheard.
In the video below, relationship expert Jayson Gaddis talks about dealing with an emotionally unavailable partner:
15. They engage in disrespectful communication
Selfish lovers may belittle or ridicule your opinions and feelings, showing a lack of respect. They might interrupt you or talk over you, disregarding your thoughts. This disrespectful communication can erode trust and intimacy in the relationship.
16. They show frequent flakiness
A selfish lover often cancels plans or fails to follow through on commitments, leaving you feeling disappointed and undervalued. They may prioritize their own desires over spending quality time with you, showing a lack of consideration for your feelings.
17. They are self-centered in the bedroom
In intimate moments, a selfish partner may prioritize their pleasure and satisfaction without considering your desires. They may overlook your needs, leading to an imbalanced and unsatisfying sexual relationship that can leave you feeling unfulfilled and disconnected.
18. They are indifferent to your feelings
Selfish partners might not care or acknowledge your feelings unless it benefits them. They might dismiss your emotions, showing little interest in understanding how you feel. Allowing this behavior leads to feelings of neglect, unhappiness, and emotional disconnection from the relationship.
19. They have a pattern of betrayal
Selfish behavior can lead to secretive actions, cheating, and lies. A selfish partner might have a history of betraying their past or present relationships. They might also blame their partners for their infidelity instead of accepting responsibility for their actions.
Being in a relationship with a partner who does not take responsibility for their actions and show remorse can cause tremendous emotional pain and relationship distress.
How to deal with a selfish partner in a relationship
Dealing with a selfish partner requires thoughtful steps. First, prioritize self-care to avoid emotional drain. Encourage change by explaining its benefits. Let them envision a better relationship by helping them to learn how to stop being selfish. Share your concerns tactfully, as they may not realize their selfishness.
Lastly, consider ending the relationship if efforts fail, as it can prompt self-improvement. Self-awareness and assertiveness can empower you to navigate this challenging situation effectively.
FAQs
Dealing with a selfish partner can be challenging, but understanding your options is crucial. Let’s address some common questions you may have about navigating this situation with empathy and clarity.
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Can a selfish partner change their behavior?
Yes, change is possible, but it requires willingness and effort from the selfish partner. Patience, open communication, and clear expectations can encourage positive change over time.
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How do I set boundaries with a selfish partner?
Establishing boundaries is vital for self-respect and a healthy relationship. Communicate your needs calmly and assertively, explaining why these boundaries are essential to your well-being. Consistently enforce them while maintaining compassion.
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Is it possible to salvage the relationship with a selfish partner?
It’s possible, but both partners must be committed to growth and understanding. Seek counseling if necessary and engage in honest conversations about your feelings and desires to find a way forward together.
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Can a selfish man love you?
While a selfish man may have difficulty expressing love in conventional ways, genuine feelings can exist. However, it is essential to evaluate if their actions align with love and if the relationship meets your emotional needs.
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How do selfish men behave?
Selfish men tend to prioritize their desires over their partner’s needs. They may exhibit a lack of empathy, dismissive communication, and little regard for boundaries. Understanding these behaviors can help address issues in the relationship.
For a selfless relationship
Being in a relationship with a selfish partner may be emotionally draining, but there is hope for positive change. By adopting open communication and understanding, both partners can grow together.
Remember that relationships evolve, and with patience and empathy, there’s a chance for a more fulfilling and loving connection. Stay true to yourself, and trust that the journey can lead to brighter days ahead.
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