In all romantic relationships, there is an ebb and flow of giving and receiving. In a healthy, nurturing relationship, this is balanced, with equal doses of caring and being cared for alternating between the two people.
However, when this flow becomes unbalanced, with one of the partners becoming selfish in the relationship, it does not bode well for the longevity of the couple. How do you identify traits of a selfish person?
Let’s have a look at some of the signs and the solutions to being selfish in a relationship.
How do you know if you are being selfish in a relationship
If you are asking yourself, “am I selfish?” That is already a good sign. It means that you are sensing that the balance of care in your couple is off. When you think about it, love is inherently selfish.
We fall in love because it makes us feel good, flooding us with endorphins. Yes, love is selfish, but that is not a reason to stop being generous with your partner when you are in a romantic relationship.
Fortunately, with a little self-awareness followed by some active efforts to change your selfish behavior, you can turn a selfish relationship around.
If you are wondering, “am I being selfish in my relationship?” think about what your weekends were like in the early days of your story. Was there an equal mix of doing what you liked to do and what your partner liked to do?
Are you now seeing that you set the plans, and these do not include the activities that your partner loved to do? If so, the answer to the question “Am I selfish in my relationship?” is a definite “Yes”!
5. Lack of acceptance for your partner’s individuality
If you find yourself trying to change your partner, attempting to turn them into someone different from the person you fell in love with, this is a sign of selfishness in the relationship.
If you find yourself doing this, you must ask yourself- would you appreciate it if your partner tries to change you as well? This should help you to turn things around!
6.Your needs and wants come before your partner’s
It is one thing to make sure you take care of what you need in order to thrive and feel authentic. It is another to ignore the needs and desires of your partner.
Being selfish in a relationship means that you consistently put yourself first, even if it hurts the other person.
Whenever you find yourself in a conflict with your partner, you stop at nothing to win the argument, even if your tactics are irrational.
All that counts is that you win, and they lose. But, you need to realize that his habit of winning might prove to be detrimental to your relationship in the long run.
17. Guilt is your weapon to make your partner do what you want
When you see that you are meeting with resistance when trying to persuade your partner to do what you want, you pull out the guilt card.
You don’t give a second thought to sending your partner on a guilt trip. Eventually, you are concerned with only what you want.
18. You always compete with your partner, and not in a healthy way
Are you in a Competitive Relationship? A little competition can be good; in sports, it brings up the adrenaline and allows one to push harder.
But feeling angry because your partner got a raise, was named “Employee of the Week,” or brought in the first prize in an art contest is pure selfish behavior. This usually tends to happen if both partners share a common professional goal.
If you feel that your actions are selfish enough to hurt your partner and destroy the relationship, perhaps it’s time to make some serious amends.
Here are listed a few tips to help you stop being selfish and revive your relationship.
Learn to listen
You can work on active listening with a therapist or by reading some techniques on the internet.
The point is to tune into your partner when they are speaking and really hear and acknowledge what they are sharing with you.
Share the spotlight
In love, there is no competition. Let your partner bask in the glory of their recent promotion or prize.
Tell them how happy you are for them. Celebrate their achievements just like your own!
Become a volunteer
While this action is not directly related to your relationship, the selflessness you exhibit when you volunteer in your community will spill over to your love life, making you a better, more generous person and your partner a happier one.
Practice empathy 24/7
To go from selfish to caring, learn to practice empathy.
If your partner is describing a difficult situation they are experiencing, put yourself in their shoes in order to see it from their point of view. Imagine what they are feeling!
Overcoming selfishness in relationships requires changing some habits, some of which may be deeply ingrained. Of course, there is no magical solution to expedite this process.
Nonetheless, it has been time and again reiterated that if you consider your relationship with your partner above everything else, you must do the needful to maintain the relationship if you truly love them.
Relationships are hard work. You can’t expect to get all the love, attention, and care from your partner by not reciprocating. Seek a counselor’s help if you are finding it difficult to get rid of certain traits.
All this might sound a bit of work, but eventually, you will reap the benefits that entail a happy and a fulfilling relationship.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.