It seems as though many things are responsible for affecting a woman’s sex drive. It’s almost as if you’re afraid to wake to see what the new day will bring since each day there are changes.
These can relate to anything from stress to an argument with your significant other or a more health-based severe cause. Many aren’t aware of how libido reacts as age progresses year to year and decade to decade.
It’s gradual over time with life circumstances like shifts in hormones, household responsibilities growing over time, pregnancies, menopause and so much more. However, the most significant transition takes place between the ages of 20 through the early 40s.
Low sex drive in women starts for middle-aged women around age 45+. The low libido in women with age is twice as common as it is with men, often causing men to believe “my wife loves me but doesn’t desire me.”
Instead, women are actually trying to understand changes taking place in their bodies, accept what appears to be a “newness,” and wonder why they no longer feel the same desires.
What is low sexual desire
A low sex drive in women can relate to a lack of desire. It is defined as someone who wants to have intercourse on a less frequent basis than they once did and not as often as their partner.
There is no set amount for someone to be actively involved in sex. Each relationship is unique, each person is different, and it can vary even from week to week or month to month.
When there is no sex drive in women to the point of prime concern, a consultation with the doctor is warranted. In some cases, medication adjustments could be the solution, or an underlying medical condition could result in the lack of sexual drive in women. These can include diabetes or high blood pressure.
If you feel your sex drive is considerably low but aren’t sure if it’s the problem or just a temporary state, here are some symptoms that will help you be sure of the issue:
Loss of interest in sex or masturbation
Problem in deriving pleasure from intercourse
Having very seldom sexual thoughts and fantasies
Lack of sensations on stimulation
Difficulty in initiating sex
Causes for a loss of sexual desire in women
Intimacy is affected by a culmination of life circumstances on which the woman’s libido depends. What is libido in a woman? Libido is a desire for sexual interaction, fantasies, masturbation, desire for sexual activity, sexual motivation. Factors that can affect this can include the type of lifestyle you engage in, your overall wellness, values, and the health of your partnership.
Stress or issues in any one of these situations can be causes of low sex drive in females. Let’s look at some of the personal reasons for decreased libido in women.
When a woman becomes concerned about her loss of desire or interest in sex, it’s essential to see a doctor. It could be a genuinely easy physical fix. Some medications like antidepressants are a cause for low libido in females.
In some cases, women experience painful intercourse or lack of orgasm, diminishing desire significantly. But, again, these are things a specialist can work through, often with good results.
For some women, lifestyle and life circumstances are primary responses when asked why do women lose their sex drive. For example, if you engage in unhealthy habits like smoking, drinking, maybe marijuana, or other illicit drugs – these will affect arousal.
Regarding health, if you perhaps have a hysterectomy or other type of female surgical procedure that affects your body image, it will make you feel less desirable and prevent you from engaging in sex.
Stress and exhaustion from everyday hectic life circumstances are key factors when a woman loses interest in her husband. There’s simply no energy left in many scenarios with high-pressure jobs, kids’ activities, household chores; most partners have nothing left to give.
The worst case is an underlying medical condition, like high blood pressure, arthritis, sexual arousal disorder, diabetes. With treatment for the root medical issue, it might show others how can a woman get her sex drive back with proper medical care.
The psyche can affect sexual desire significantly for many reasons. People who deal with mental illness, including depression or anxiety, will struggle with desire and arousal. The individuals suffer from a lack of interest in most day-to-day activities and a general overall sense of fatigue.
Those who have chaotic lives endure pressure-filled jobs typically in addition to household duties and making time for their children and partner. Therefore, it creates far too much stress to experience desire or even engage in sexual thoughts or fantasies to get themselves in a mood to interact sexually with their mate.
Some women suffer from exceptionally low self-esteem, resulting in poor body image. When you have no confidence, it extends to believing that no one could possibly desire you; therefore, you end up lacking interest in other people as well.
With this kind of unhealthy mindset, these women have no type of libido lacking arousal for their partner, no fantasies, no masturbation, no sexual thoughts of any kind. They simply can’t imagine themselves in that light.
That’s kind of similar to people who experience abuse, either physical or sexual, or who had a negative sexual experience. There is no desire or thought process of a sexual nature.
In any of these situations, it’s essential to seek treatment from a medical provider to work through unhealthy psychological conditions. Once you have an adequate treatment plan and find a better sense of self, you can then look into treatment for low libido in females; first and foremost is finding you again.
Sexual intimacy for many women is only possible if they feel a sense of emotional intimacy for their mate. Therefore, if the partnership faces challenges, generally, there are difficulties with sex drive.
A woman and often men will have less interest in sex if the relationship is having trouble or if the mates are feeling in any way disconnected.
When two people are consistently involved in conflict or when issues remain unresolved, it’s tough to find the type of intimacy it requires to interact sexually with that person.
No one wants to merely go through the motions. If you can’t communicate through the problems to the point of resolution, sex won’t feel good.
And that could be where the problems in the relationship lie. Maybe one or both of your sexual needs are not being met. So it’s critical to communicate what you need as a couple and individuals to satisfy each person.
Until you do that, both of you will feel empty. When two people love each other, you don’t want to lose that simply because you can’t talk about something so important.
Contrary to popular belief, there is no recommended “weekly allowance” for sexual desire. Everyone is unique with libido, and even your interest might wane periodically and then spike based on life circumstances. It’s really normal.
Typically, low libido is a problem if you believe it to be and if it’s something distressing for you. As mentioned, numerous factors can play into lack of interest, from lifestyle to a physical issue to a psychological problem, for which there can be solutions with the proper treatment. With relationships, communication is always key.
Increasing lost desire might be challenging depending on the reason, but in some situations, people simply need to be aroused before the desire sets in.
Sometimes when one partner reaches a point of desire, the other is into a good book, not even thinking about desire. That partner could be sitting around in desire all day waiting on the other one to experience it, but it just might not happen.
So there may be a need to help it along. Some things you can try:
Send your partner a sext, even if they’re sitting in the same room with you. You’d be surprised what people will say in messages that many times they’re not willing to express verbally. But these are fun and an excellent way to entice and excite each other.
Read to each other. Find a good erotic book and take turns reading passages to each other, curled up on the sofa or in the bedroom with a glass of wine. Just reading to a mate is a very sensual experience.
Just kiss without the anticipation of sex. Ultimately with kissing, you want to hold each other, hug, maybe touch. But there are no expectations, keeping the moment light, stress-free, and open to possibility.
Aerobic exercises and a couple of Kegel workouts will do wonders to strengthen your pelvic muscles engaged in sexual pleasure, improve your strength by exercising and thereby, increase your libido.
Ensure that you avoid taking stress as it could impact your overall health and could also mentally drain you. Long-term stress can even lead to depression and take a toll on your brain.
Work on foreplay
Make on longer foreplay which will improve your relationship quality, enhance your sexual experiences and increase your libido. According to the research, 18% of women orgasm from intercourse while 33.6% of women need clitoris stimulation for orgasm.
A good diet
Include food rich in lean protein and low in sugar. A good diet including vegetables and fruits can prevent ailments, help in a good circulation and improve your heart health.
Check out this video where the couple shares tips on how to be an amazing kisser:
Start a conversation. If you feel no desire or lack interest in sex and believe it’s because your needs are not met, communicate that with your partner. Unfortunately, if you don’t enjoy what’s happening in the bedroom, it can have ill effects on the partnership as a whole.
Sadly, in some partnerships, one or both end up going outside the relationship for sexual gratification instead of discussing. If it’s not due to dissatisfaction, talk anyway. Let your partner know you realize there’s an issue and you want to work through it.
Most mates will want to show support to their partners. You can both go for sex therapy to seek treatment. A supportive partner helping you work through the issue is much better than attempting to go through the problem alone.
Many women suffer from low libido. It’s not an uncommon affliction, and it’s not merely affecting women of a particular age. Sexual desire disorder is an authentic condition affecting females as young as the early 20s.
That doesn’t mean everyone has a disorder. It simply means more people and legitimate reasons are enduring a lack of interest in sex in a world where so much is sexualized.
Often that leads to women feeling in some way ashamed or as if they need to keep it quiet when, in fact, more females need to come forward as a supportive measure. When the message gets out that this is a significant issue being dealt with, women will begin to seek the help they need in more ways than one.
Today, women have so much more responsibility than ever before. Stress levels are intense. That leads to health concerns and exhaustion, contributing significantly to a lack of desire in the bedroom. In addition, these same women experience bouts of depression and anxiety in higher degrees, which is another factor leading to low libido.
Low sex drive in women can be concerning and cause distress. For those who have reached that point, it’s essential to reach out to a medical provider. You should also take the opportunity to communicate with your mate.
In some cases, significant others begin to believe that it’s their fault or that there’s something wrong with them when you show no interest in sex. Therefore, it’s essential to have a conversation to reaffirm the partnership.
You’ll get the most support from a loving partner attempting to help you resolve whatever the causes might be. You might have bitten off more than you can chew at home without anyone realizing you needed help.
Now everyone can pitch in. It could be as simple as that or as challenging as getting some medical care. The primary thing to realize is no one can do anything to help you until they realize something is wrong. So you have to start a conversation. If you do, more women will follow your example and come forward for help with their sexual desire disorders or low libido issues.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.