10 Ways on Dealing From Spouse With Mental Illness

Living with a spouse with mental illness in marriage is quite difficult. A renowned clinical psychologist and author of The Available Parent: Radical Optimism in Raising Teens and Tweens, John Duffy, Ph.D. has added –

“The stress level often stretches into a crisis mode, in which managing the illness becomes, for all intents and purposes, the sole function of the relationship.”

Another famous Chicago psychotherapist and relationship coach Jeffrey Sumber, MA, LCPC, has also given his input on mental illness and relationships – “The mental illness has a way of wanting to direct the movement of the relationship, rather than the individual partners.”

But he also said – “It is not true that mental illness can destroy a relationship. People destroy a relationship.”

Normally, people like to talk about how their mental illness affects their family, especially their parents or the child. But it is a far more serious matter. Mental illness can negatively affect a person’s marital life and make it reach a crisis level.

People who are facing a mental illness can have a negative impact on their spouse’s mental health, and vice versa.

While experiencing these challenges, people can take a leap of faith and learn how to maintain a healthy relationship while coping with a spouse with mental illness.

Related Reading: 11 Tips for Mental Health Issues & Loneliness in Marriage

What is mental illness?

There is no one answer to this question as mental illness can be experienced in many ways. But in general, mental illness is a condition that affects a person’s brain or nervous system. Examples of mental illnesses include depression, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia. 

The exact cause of mental illnesses is not known. The symptoms vary from person to person but can include things such as depression, anxiety, loss of interest in activities that used to be enjoyable, and sleep problems. 

While anyone can develop mental illness, some people are more at risk than others.

5 signs your spouse has mental illness

Here are 5 signs your spouse may have a mental illness:

1. Your spouse with mental illness frequently makes negative comments about themselves or others, seemingly without reason.
2. Your spouse has difficulty maintaining stable relationships, including family and romantic partners.
3. Your spouse exhibits a pattern of irrational or inappropriate behaviors, often relating to their emotional well-being.
4. Your spouse may be exhibiting self-destructive behaviors that are harmful to themselves or others.
5. Your spouse appears to be showing signs of emotional distress and isolation from family members and friends.

What are the risk factors for developing a mental illness?

Do you think, “My husband or wife is mentally unstable?” There are many risk factors for developing a mental illness. Some of the most common include: genetics, family history, stressful life events, substance abuse and mental health disorders. 

• Genetics

Approximately, 30-50% of the risk for developing a mental illness can be attributed to genetics. This includes both genetic and environmental factors.

• Stressful life events 

Traumatic events such as the loss of a loved one or experiencing physical or sexual abuse can also increase the risk of developing a mental illness. In addition, negative life experiences such as bullying, discrimination or difficult relationships can lead to the development of depression and other mental illnesses.

Related Reading: Dealing with Mental Health Challenges: Help for Couples

• Family history 

Having a family history of mental health issues can increase a person’s risk of developing a mental illness.

• Substance abuse 

Alcohol and drugs can cause changes in brain function and impair the ability to think clearly, which may lead to the development of anxiety and depression.

10 ways on dealing from spouse with mental illness

So, how to deal with a mentally ill spouse? Here are 10 ways to maintain a healthy marriage while dealing with a mentally ill spouse:

1. Educate yourself first

To date, many individuals are uninformed about the basics of mental illness, or they believe in inaccurate information.

Before you learn how to deal with mental illness in a spouse, the first step is to find a high-quality psychological and medical expert. After that search for related content and online information about the particular diagnosis.

Choose from legitimate websites with a good reputation and recommendation by your psychotherapist.

It is very hard to recognize the symptoms of mental illness for a common individual. It is easy to consider your spouse with mental illness as a lazy, irritable, distracted, and irrational human being.

Some of these “character flaws” are the symptoms. But to identify those symptoms, you need to know the basics of mental illness.

The most effective treatment will include therapy and medication. You can consult a Mental health professional to get yourself educated. You must become an essential part of your spouse’s treatment plan.

You can visit ions such as the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA), or Mental Health America (MHA). These are some of the best sources of practical information, resources, and support.

2. Spend time together as much as possible

If you are living with a mentally ill spouse, stress would be a common issue that would affect your relationship.

Regardless of the level of stress you are experiencing; you should have a sense of care and support for one another. A loving bond that may create a relationship that tends to survive.

You may sit together for a few minutes and discuss talk about your requirements and intentions for the coming days. Tell your spouse with mental illness how much you care about them. Tell them how much you appreciate even the smallest things about them.

This will help you to keep your spouse relaxed and your relationship healthy.

Mental health issues can harm your normal sex life. It may happen when being a mental patient; your spouse regularly takes medications. If you are experiencing a disturbance in your normal sex life due to medications, discuss the matter with your partner and your doctor.

Make sure you are not going under medications that are nor prescribed by your doctor. Also, do not stop your prescribed medications without your doctor’s approval.

Normal sex life is important to calm your body and mind. Sex improves your immunity system and strengthens your mind. Reduced sex life can create mental issues, and your body reacts negatively to mental illness.

“What mental health needs are more sunlight, more candor, more unashamed conversation.” – Glenn Close

3. Maintain positive communication

As per my experience, couples who express their emotions every day by saying few lovely words like ‘I love you,’ or “I miss you,” through messages or via phone calls or direct conversation, they can maintain better chemistry in their relationship.

Maintain your marriage and mental illness just like a newly married couple. Try to communicate with your spouse as much as possible.

If your spouse is a full time working individual, you should also look after that whether they are facing workplace depression or not. There are multiple reasons for which a person can be affected by workplace depression.

According to Mental Health America, one in 20 workers is suffering from depression at work at any given time. So, there’s a chance that your spouse with mental illness might also be experiencing mental health problems due to workplace issues.

So, what’s the solution to this issue?

Find some spare time, at least twice a week, and go on dates together. You are the only one who can comfort them from this misery.

You may go to a musical concert, or watch a movie together, or dine in an expensive restaurant, whatever makes them happy. Don’t let mental illness ruin your marriage.

4. Regularly practice self-care

This is an important aspect which you should deal with having a mentally ill spouse. Self-care is important when you have a spouse with mental health issues. If you shift your focus from both of your physical health and hygiene, you’ll be putting both of your life at risk.

Start from the basics- Drink plenty of water, have enough sleep, do some regular physical activities such as jogging, cycling, running, aerobics, etc.

You also need to eat healthy food, and avoid junk food, spend time with friends or loved ones, take a break from your daily life, and go for a vacation trip.

You may also engage yourself with different creative activities or hobbies.

“The strongest people are those who win battles we know nothing about.” – Unknown

Related Reading: Healing Your Relationship with Food, Body, and Self: Sustaining Self-Care Practices

5. Avoid blaming each other

Blaming each other on some simple reasons may go beyond the limit and can make the mental illness severe. This will gradually make your relationship unhealthy. I would suggest you cultivate understanding in both of you.

Make everything clear, accept what you have done, and move forward. Don’t be judgmental, know everything, then react.

You can discuss queries about illness, and listen to what your spouse has to say. You may not agree with the responses, but you have to understand that your spouse is ill.

A heating argument can make them restless. You need to understand them, no matter how difficult it becomes.

Related Reading: How to Stop the Blame Game in Your Relationship

6. Avoid drinking alcohol or taking drugs

Many couples who face severe marital stress or trauma may start drinking alcohol or taking drugs. You and your spouse may also fall into this addiction.

You may take these substances to escape from your mental stress or emotions.

These habits not only damage your health but can also destroy your marital life. If you’re having difficulties to avoid drinking and drugs, try yoga, deep breathing, regular exercising, etc. Trust me, it’ll work.

7. Give proper focus on your kids

Kids may naturally think that it is their duty to fix their parent’s problems. But they can’t practically fix your mental issues. So, you must make them understand their limitations. 

You should inform them that curing mental illness is not their responsibility.

If you are having difficulties to talk with them about mental illness, you can take the help of a professional. An expert on child psychology may help you to convey your message better.

Get in touch with your kids. Let them know that they can still rely on you in difficult times. It is better if you spend adequate time in family activities.

“Mental health…is not a destination but a process. It’s about how you drive, not where you’re going.” – Noam Shpancer, PhD

8. Let them talk openly and honestly about their feelings 

Mental illness is a very serious and difficult issue to deal with. 

However, for coping with a spouse with mental illness, it is important for them to talk about their feelings and how they are feeling. This will help you to better understand what they are experiencing and reassure them that they are not alone.

9. Seek professional support 

You can also seek support from friends and family for your spouse. It is important to have people you can talk to about your concerns and who can help support you through this time.

10. Get help with your finances 

If you are unable to work as a result of your spouse’s illness, you will need financial help from your family to support you financially while they recover.

This is also a good opportunity to discuss with your partner how you would like to manage your finances in the future.

Takeaway

Mental health issues of the spouse can be draining not just for that partner but for the other one too. However, with the right support and approach, the situation is sure to be curbed and the couple can start living a healthy life again.