How to Have Great Sex!

Great sex!  Caught your eyes, eh, didn’t it?  Everybody would like to believe that great sex is or will be part of their lives, but what exactly is great sex? Is your idea of great sex the same idea of your partner’s idea of great sex or your best friend’s idea of great sex? Is great sex just a myth?  Is great sex what is shown in the millions of film offerings available on your computer? Obviously, this is an area which confounds and concerns many, so let’s explore this topic to find out what exactly makes for great sex.

Which organ is the most crucial in facilitating great sex?

“Sex is such a personal thing, so it is extremely difficult to make sweeping generalizations or all or nothing statements,” David Channing, a noted social psychologist, remarked.  

He continued, “Whether or not most people want to believe it, our ideas about what constitutes ‘great sex’ all come from the same organ, the brain.”

Being sexy is all about attitude, not body type. It’s a state of mind. Lots of people agree that great sex starts with the mind. The Broadway and movie actor Frank Langella summed it up quite succinctly when he stated, “Intelligence is enormously sexy.”

Huh?  Do I have to use my brain?  That’s it?

Okay, so since great sex requires the brain to engage, how does one go about to do this?  Some might argue that the last thing they want to think about before engaging in what they hope will be great sex, is to think “Engage brain.  Um, now what?” Think about it. Great sex involves two people. Two people need to be of like minds to have great sex.

This means it must be consensual sex, i.e. both people must be in agreement that they wish to continue the evening (or morning, or afternoon, or coffee break, or…) with each other in a sexual way.  

This is simply not only common sense and respectful, but you also would not want to get into legal territory if both partners are not on board.  No matter how full of lust you may be in the heat of the moment, you want to make sure your partner feels likewise before proceeding.

Communication is the key

Like in so many other areas in life, successful communication is so important for both people. Great sex happens because many factors come into play: timing, chemistry, communication, trust and respect all form part of the picture.  Before anything else though, both partners must communicate.

Tell your partner what you like, and equally importantly, what you do not like.  

Learning each other’s bodies leads to great sex.  If he or she is doing something you like, tell that person. Noises, sighs, grunts, and other sounds can sometimes be misinterpreted, so be sure to communicate to your partner what pleases you or what you feel is not sexy in a language where there is no chance of misunderstandings happening. The actress Carmen Electra quite astutely summed this up declaring, “I think it’s sexy when someone makes a statement that says, ‘This is who I am. This is what I think is sexy.’” Be straight and direct so there is no ambiguity as to what pleases and what does not.

Spontaneity is a turn-on

All sex can feel routine after a while.  You have your partner’s trust and respect, but the sex is getting rather ho-hum.  This could be caused by many things which have unfortunately made their way into your life and bedroom; events and other external factors–you are thinking about something at work or worried about a sick friend or the upcoming holiday season, or you just feel really fatigued, but do not want to disappoint your partner. The old saw “I can’t tonight.  I have a headache,” certainly has some roots in the truth.

To get out of this rut, or to jazz things up a bit, suggest something new you both have not tried before.  

This is the time to cure your curiosity about a new position, a new environment. How about that dining room table? Or perhaps it is time to try the swimming pool. A warm night in the garden. Just show a bit of restraint–sex is illegal in public places!  This could also be the time to try new positions or to pull out the new lingerie you have been saving.

Great sex means equality everywhere (And that really means everywhere!)

Here’s one you would probably have never thought of before:  sharing household chores equally leads to great sex.

Huh?  Here is the empirical proof: The academic article “The Gendered Division of Housework and Couples’ Sexual Relationships: A Reexamination” concluded that couples who share household chores equally, enjoy more sex than couples who have a less equal division of labor.  The authors point to an “eroticism of fairness,” which comes from this sharing of labors.  And most importantly, the research found that the couples who shared the workload had greater sexual satisfaction than couples who did not share domestic duties.  

Now you do not have to look at that sinkful of dishes with dread nor shudder at the mountain of wrinkled clothing waiting to be ironed: both are foreplay!

Lastly, more does not mean better

Again, the research points to the fact that more sex does not equate to better sex.  As in many other areas of life, quantity does not equal quality. For truly great sex, the stars really do have to align:  both partners have to be more than fond of each other, they have to use excellent communication skills with each other, and enjoy a meeting of minds to further enjoy their meeting of bodies.