When you feel like my wife doesn’t listen to me or my husband doesn’t listen, this can cause you to feel stressed out. It may also lead to arguments or disagreements.
Both men and women may not be listening to their spouse, so this is essentially a problem that anyone may encounter.
When you are left wondering why don’t you listen to me, these reasons may be able to offer some insight.
1. You aren’t good at expressing your feelings
If you often wonder how do I get my spouse to listen to me, you might want to evaluate if you can express your feelings. Your spouse may not be able to express their feelings because you are unable to as well.
Try your best to get your point across, even if you find it challenging to do so. You can write down notes ahead of time if you need to.
If you stop talking to your spouse or you give them the cold shoulder, this might cause them to stop listening to you.
When you feel like your spouse doesn’t listen, do what you can to make sure that you talk to them when they want to talk, and not just when you want to.
4. You want everything to be calm
In some instances, your partner may feel like you want to be peaceful instead of working through issues that surface, which may cause them to stop listening to what you have to say.
If this is the case, you should see if you can compromise with your mate. Ask them about what their priorities are.
5. Things don’t seem fair
When you find that your spouse doesn’t listen, consider if you have gotten into any arguments lately.
A spouse may not be listening because you are getting on their case about something you are also guilty of. If you are currently in a fight with your spouse, do your best to fix it.
6. You aren’t effectively communicating with them
At times, when a spouse doesn’t listen to you, it may be because you aren’t communicating with them effectively. You may be agreeing with them or trying to solve their problems instead of simply hearing them out.
It is more advantageous to listen and ask questions when you don’t understand their point of view or want to know more.
Once you think that your mate doesn’t listen to a word I say, think about if you often judge what they do and say.
You may be making snap judgments on what they tell you instead of hearing them out first. This can cause someone to refuse to listen to you.
8. You aren’t listening to what they say either
Getting your partner to listen to you may require you to do better when listening to your partner. If a person feels like they aren’t being listened to, they likely feel like they don’t need to listen either.
Try to stick to this mantra: I need you to listen, I need you to hear, for both yourself and your spouse.
If you ever walk out of the room or leave the house when your spouse is talking to you, this may be the reason why they don’t listen to you.
Think about how you would feel if your partner did that to you. It might make you not want to listen to them or make you feel like they don’t care.
13. They think ignoring you will make a problem go away
In some extreme cases, when your spouse doesn’t listen, it may be because they feel like this will make the problem go away.
Your partner may be ignoring you because they don’t want to talk to you, and they hope you forget what you were talking about.
14. They may be tired or exhausted
Before you jump to conclusions and exclaim, you’re not listening to me, think about what type of day your spouse has had.
If your partner has had a stressful day and is tired, it may not be the best time to talk to them. It is better to find a time that is convenient for both of you.
15. They are trying to keep from offending you
It may be that your spouse seems like they aren’t listening to you because they don’t want to offend you. Instead, they might be keeping their thoughts and words to themselves.
For additional details on why your spouse may not be listening, check out this video:
What to do when your spouse doesn’t listen to you
When your spouse doesn’t listen to you, there are a few things you can try, according to GoodTherapy, which might make a difference.
Make sure that the timing is convenient for both of you. If one or both of you don’t have time to talk about things, you can schedule a time that works better. You can also set rules that you both have to follow if you have a hard time agreeing with each other when you talk.
When you are talking to your spouse, try to get your point out completely. Then allow them to speak with you about what they think.
Be sure to stick to the main ideas you are trying to get across. If you get distracted, it may take the discussion off course. Again, you can consider jotting down notes to help you.
Learn how to listen better to your spouse. If you are listening adequately, then this may help your partner want to listen also.
Consider active listening, which is a way to diffuse situations where they can be handled peacefully. All you need to do is listen, pay attention to what is being said, and ask questions to get the information you need to solve a problem or prevent an argument with your spouse.
Anytime a person feels like they are not communicating well with their spouse and don’t listen to a word they say, this can cause you to want to reevaluate how you interact. This may help the problem go away.
To do this, the first thing you should do is determine if your spouse doesn’t listen because of something you are doing.
The list above may help you figure out if you are acting in specific ways that might make it harder for your partner to talk to you. However, it may not be your fault.
Your spouse may have some issues that are causing them to be unable to communicate with you.
Moreover, they may be being disrespectful to you or are ignoring you because they want to. When this is the case, there are still things you can do to improve this. Talk to your spouse if they aren’t listening to you and see if you can find out what is going on.
There is a chance that they don’t know that they are treating you a certain way. You will have to communicate with them to make sure.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.