Can a Marriage Survive Without Intimacy? 5 Factors to Consider

Intimacy has always been seen as vital for a strong marriage, helping build connection and emotional security. But what happens when that intimacy seems to fade? Many couples grapple with this question, and statistics show it’s a more common experience than some might think.

A 2022 report shows that 33.1 percent of married baby boomers in the United States lived in a sexless marriage, while only 2.3 percent of married Generation Zers experienced the same.

While physical intimacy may naturally evolve over time, the absence of a deeper connection can leave couples feeling lost. So, this leads us to an important question: can a marriage survive without intimacy? Or, rather—

What is marriage intimacy, and what are its different types?

The term marriage intimacy or plain intimacy refers to the state of mutual vulnerability, openness, and sharing that develops between partners.

There is a substantial amount of difference underlying the two terms – sexuality and marital intimacy.

Sexuality or human sexuality is generally defined as the way by which humans experience and express themselves sexually. This umbrella term encapsulates feelings or behaviors like biological, erotic, physical, emotional, social, spiritual, and so on.

When we refer to marriage intimacy, we are not only referring to physical intimacy but also to emotional and other types of intimacy. These are the two primary components of a healthy marriage or romantic relationship.

Can a marriage survive without intimacy? 5 factors that play a role

Imagine this: You and your partner, years into your marriage, sit across the dinner table. The conversation feels strained, a comfortable silence replaced by an uncomfortable void. The spark, that electric connection you once shared, seems to have dimmed.

Maybe physical intimacy has become infrequent, or the emotional closeness feels distant. With a pang of sadness, you wonder, can a marriage survive without intimacy?

Many couples grapple with a decline in intimacy over time, which isn’t uncommon. The good news? The answer to the question of survival isn’t a binary yes or no. Here are 5 key factors that influence whether a marriage with low intimacy can weather the storm and emerge stronger.

1. Emotional connection

A strong emotional connection can sometimes compensate for the lack of physical intimacy. Couples who communicate openly, share their feelings, and support each other emotionally can maintain a deep bond even without sex.

Such a connection can help build trust and mutual understanding, which are essential for a fulfilling relationship.

Ask yourself: Do we share our feelings and support each other emotionally?

2. Mutual respect and understanding

Mutual respect and understanding are critical for any relationship to survive. Couples who respect each other’s needs and boundaries are more likely to handle the challenges of a sexless marriage. 

Understanding why intimacy has faded and addressing the underlying issues can strengthen the relationship.

Ask yourself: Do we respect each other’s needs and boundaries?

3. Shared interests and activities

Engaging in shared interests and activities can bring couples closer together. When partners enjoy spending time together and create new memories, it can help maintain a strong bond. 

These shared experiences can fill the void left by the absence of physical intimacy.

Ask yourself: Do we have shared interests and activities that bring us closer?

4. Quality of communication

Effective communication is the foundation of any successful marriage. Couples who can talk openly about their concerns, desires, and frustrations are better equipped to handle the challenges of a sexless marriage. 

Honest and empathetic communication can facilitate a deeper connection and help resolve issues.

Ask yourself: Are we able to communicate openly and honestly about our concerns?

5. Willingness to seek help

Sometimes, professional help can make a significant difference in a marriage facing intimacy issues. 

Couples therapy or counseling can provide tools and strategies to address the lack of intimacy and improve the overall relationship. Being willing to seek help shows a commitment to making the marriage work.

Ask yourself: Are we open to seeking professional help if needed?

7 possible reasons behind a lack of intimacy in marriage

Marriage is a journey, and sometimes, the path takes an unexpected turn. Fueled by passion and excitement, the initial spark of intimacy can evolve over time.

While this is natural, a significant decrease in intimacy can leave couples feeling lost and disconnected. Here are 7 likely reasons why intimacy might decline in a marriage:

1. Stress and fatigue

Daily stress and fatigue can take a toll on intimacy. Work pressures, financial worries, and family responsibilities often leave little energy for physical closeness.

For example, a couple with demanding jobs may find themselves too exhausted to connect intimately at the end of the day. This chronic exhaustion can lead to a consistent lack of physical affection, gradually eroding the intimacy between partners.

2. Communication breakdown

Effective communication is vital for intimacy. When couples struggle to express their feelings or address issues, it can create distance. For instance, a couple who avoids discussing their emotional needs may gradually drift apart.

Misunderstandings and unspoken grievances can build up, leading to resentment and emotional barriers. Clear and open communication is crucial to maintaining a strong, intimate connection.

3. Health issues

Health problems, both physical and mental, can affect intimacy. Conditions like chronic pain, depression, or anxiety can diminish the desire or ability to engage in intimate activities.

For example, a partner dealing with chronic back pain may find it challenging to be physically close. Mental health issues such as depression can also lower libido and interest in intimacy, creating further distance between partners.

4. Emotional disconnect

An emotional disconnect can develop if couples do not invest time in nurturing their relationship. This can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation. For instance, a couple who no longer shares meaningful conversations may feel emotionally distant.

Over time, this emotional gap can grow, making physical intimacy feel forced or insincere. Regularly sharing thoughts and feelings helps maintain a strong emotional bond.

5. Unresolved conflicts

Unresolved conflicts and ongoing arguments can erode intimacy. Holding onto past grievances can create a barrier to physical closeness. For example, a couple who frequently fights over finances may struggle to feel intimate with each other.

These unresolved issues can fester, leading to ongoing tension and a lack of trust, which are essential for a healthy intimate relationship.

6. Different libido levels

Different levels of sexual desire can cause frustration and misunderstanding. One partner may feel rejected, while the other may feel pressured. 

For instance, a couple where one partner has a higher libido may experience tension around intimacy. This disparity can lead to feelings of inadequacy or resentment, making it challenging to find a comfortable middle ground that satisfies both partners’ needs.

7. Lack of novelty

Routine and predictability can lead to a lack of excitement in a relationship. Over time, couples may find their intimate life becoming monotonous. For example, a couple who always follows the same routine might feel their relationship has lost its spark.

Introducing new activities, experiences, and surprises can help reignite the passion and keep the relationship fresh and exciting. Regularly making an effort to break the routine can revitalize intimacy.

What are the impacts of intimacy loss?

A decline in intimacy in a marriage can be like a pebble tossed into a still pond – the ripples spread outward, affecting various aspects of the relationship. Here’s how a lack of intimacy can impact your marriage:

• Emotional distance: Partners may feel disconnected and lonely, leading to a sense of isolation within the relationship. This can weaken the overall bond and emotional connection.
• Increased conflict: A lack of intimacy can lead to misunderstandings and frequent arguments, escalating tensions between partners. This can create a negative cycle of conflict and resentment.
• Decreased satisfaction: Both partners may feel less satisfied and fulfilled in the relationship, affecting overall happiness. This dissatisfaction can impact other areas of life, including work and social interactions.
• Trust issues: Intimacy loss can erode trust, making it difficult to rely on and confide in each other. This can lead to suspicions and insecurity within the relationship.
• Mental health strain: The absence of intimacy can contribute to stress, anxiety, and depression for one or both partners. This strain can further exacerbate relationship difficulties and personal well-being.

7 ways to work on rebuilding intimacy in a marriage

The good news is that a decline in intimacy doesn’t have to spell doom for your marriage. With dedication, effort, and a willingness to reconnect, couples can rebuild intimacy and create a stronger, more fulfilling relationship.

For couples wondering how to survive a marriage without intimacy, it’s crucial to address both emotional and physical aspects to restore the bond between partners. Here are 7 ways to get you started:

1. Communicate openly

Open and honest communication is the foundation of any intimate relationship. Sharing your thoughts, feelings, and concerns can help build trust and understanding. Discuss what intimacy means to each of you and identify any barriers. Regularly setting aside time to talk without distractions can cultivate a deeper connection.

Try this: Schedule weekly check-ins where you both share your feelings and thoughts openly, ensuring each person feels heard and valued.

2. Spend quality time together

Quality time is crucial for rebuilding intimacy. Engaging in activities you both enjoy strengthens your bond and creates positive experiences. Prioritize spending time together without distractions like phones or work. Whether it’s a date night, a walk, or a shared hobby, these moments help rekindle your connection.

Try this: Plan a weekly date night where you can focus solely on each other, engage in activities you both enjoy and create new memories.

3. Practice physical affection

Physical touch is a vital part of intimacy. Small gestures like holding hands, hugging, or cuddling can make a big difference. Physical affection can help to create a sense of closeness and comfort. Make an effort to include more physical touch in your daily routine, even if it’s just a brief hug or kiss.

Try this: Make it a habit to start and end each day with a hug or kiss, reinforcing your physical connection regularly.

4. Be patient and understanding

Rebuilding intimacy takes time and patience. Understand that it won’t happen overnight and that setbacks may occur. Be patient with yourself and your partner as you work through this process. Show empathy and understanding toward each other’s feelings and experiences.

Try this: Practice active listening, acknowledging your partner’s feelings, and providing support without rushing the process or expecting immediate results.

5. Address unresolved issues

Unresolved conflicts can hinder intimacy. Take the time to address and resolve any lingering issues that may be affecting your relationship. Seek professional help, if necessary, to deal with these challenges effectively. Clearing up past grievances can allow you to move forward with a fresh perspective.

Try this: Schedule a session with a couples therapist to help mediate difficult conversations and provide strategies for resolving conflicts.

6. Explore new activities together

Trying new activities together can reignite the spark in your relationship. It introduces novelty and excitement, helping you reconnect on a different level. Choose activities that interest both of you and allow you to learn and grow together.

Try this: Take a cooking class, go hiking, or start a new hobby together to create fresh experiences and strengthen your bond.

7. Show appreciation and gratitude

Expressing appreciation and gratitude can significantly enhance intimacy. Acknowledging your partner’s efforts and qualities can enable a positive atmosphere. Small acts of kindness and verbal affirmations show that you value and care for each other.

Try this: Write a note of appreciation or express gratitude verbally each day, focusing on specific things you love and appreciate about your partner.

Watch this video where Susan Winter, a leading relationship expert & love coach, talks about how you can promote appreciation in your relationship:

Rebuilding intimacy is possible!

If a partner communicates a desire to improve intimacy, it is a consideration both should take seriously. 

Being able to communicate around these issues –to be sensitive and supportive to your partner’s wishes and needs and to continually water the plant of your relationship– is very necessary.

In its most basic stages, communication kick-starts intimacy. So practice talking honestly about what you currently enjoy and would enjoy more of being intimate with your partner.

Compromise, if necessary. Remember to express love, appreciation, and romance; intimacy should naturally occur.

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Kelli H Licensed Clinical Social Worker

Kelli Hastings is a writer, social worker, and proud advocate for women. She earned her B.A. degree from the University of Oregon in 2007, and worked as a behavior support specialist and program manager. She is inspired to support couples, teach them skills that lead to healthy, happy and romantic... Read more partnerships. Her interests include cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness, visualization practice, and related therapies. Read less