Sex isn’t just a meaningless act of bodily satisfaction. It is a lot more than that. The intimacy involved in the act of lovemaking can bring two souls as close as they can get.
Man and wife involved in a healthy sex relation have a strong bond; they have a better understanding of each other too. It might be a hard thing to accept, but a sexless marriage has a lot of adverse effects on the psychology of both partners and their marriage.
A sexless marriage can take a huge toll on one’s emotional health as well. Here are some significant emotional effects of sexless marriage that can lead to self-loathing, depression, divorce or separation.
Adverse emotional effects of sexless marriage
Understanding these effects will help you fight them better; you will understand that it’s not you; it is not your doing and that you don’t have to make amends.
1. Guilt and shame
When one partner refrains from any physical activity, the other gets affected. When it’s one-sided, the other partner needs it, but can’t ask for it as they might feel ashamed for demanding sex when the other isn’t interested.
They might think that they are asking too much and would feel ashamed of their high sex drive.
They might also feel guilty for not understanding their partner and his problem. These feelings are big enough to stress a person out.
2. Self-esteem and insecurity
As stated earlier, sex isn’t just an act; it’s more of making your partner feel loved and cared for. You don’t need words; your intimate actions speak for you. Sex is a way of making your partner feel that they are loved and you find them attractive.
In a sexless marriage, the sex desiring partner would start to feel insecure in their skin, they might feel that there is something wrong with them, which is why their partner doesn’t want them anymore.
This is quite a terrible situation to be in. The feeling of insecurity and low self-esteem will make them resent themselves.
When self-loathing and low self-esteem come together, they start making the sex desiring partner feel that they are a failure.
They have failed as a partner, they have failed to keep the spark going.
We have been led to believe that sex is the only thing that matters in a marriage, and if we aren’t having sex, there is something wrong with our marriage. Well, that’s not always the case.
4. Feeling isolated
Being married means you have a permanent partner; a friend, a companion as well as a perfect person to share everything with.
When that person starts to ignore all your intimate efforts, turns their back and sleeps, it makes one feel alone, isolated and even deprived especially if it, always, has been great.
In an intimate marriage, a sudden change regarding sex can be devastating.
- Different level of sex drive
- Excessive stress
- Power struggles
How to combat these reasons
1. Recognize the reason for the sexlessness of your marriage
The initial step would be to recognize what the reason of your sexless marriage is. Once you have the cause pinpointed, it will make life easy for you.
You will understand that there is a reason for this and it’s not you. Recognizing that “it’s not you” is a very important step.
2. Communication is the second step for every problem
Communication doesn’t get enough credit. People assume that talking can never solve their issues. On the contrary, it may be the only thing that can resolve the issue.
Healthy marriage and communication go hand in hand. Sit with your partner and talk your heart out. Help them understand your feeling and hear them out as well. Eighty percent of the problems in a marriage can be solved with a healthy discussion.
3. Accept that you need to make an effort for your marriage
You will need to accept the level of effort you will need to make to get sex back in your marriage. You can give up in the middle. If you want that spark back in life, you will have to work a lot to get it.
4. Schedule sex
Schedule sex, it doesn’t have to be as unromantic as it sounds. Make efforts to set the mode, get excited and make your partner excited as well. Get to know their fantasies and play the lead role in their fantasy.
5. Seek help
Consult a doctor if there’s an underlying condition. Communication will help you partner confess if there’s a medical condition they are facing. Help your partner open up to you and the doctor.
Emotional effects of sexless marriage can easily break a person and their marriage. There are ways to fight that. Understanding is the most initial stage; the rest follows if you are willing to work at your marriage.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.