How to Create Romance in a Marriage?

How to Create Romance in a Marriage?

Every marriage is unique. While romance may come naturally for some, for most people it takes forethought, energy, and effort. Love and passion are independent of romance; whereas in this context, romance is all about the doing.  It’s those small, deliberate activities and gestures that symbolize one’s affection.


Romance, is an ingredient we add to keep things fun and interesting.  It can be manifested through many activities, and it doesn’t have to cost a dime. Whether your relationship has lost its romantic engine, or romance was never charging your relationship much to begin with, you may find that implementing a few subtle changes can yield significant benefit. A book by Gregory Godek, entitled “1001 ways to be Romantic” is recommended reading for couples wanting to know how they can create romance in their marriages. Most experts will agree that romance consists of the little things –small but powerful gestures.


Listed below are eight gestures to get you started on the path to a healthy, passion-filled love life.


1. Bath towel

A woman will love you if you surprise her after her bath or shower with a pre-warmed bath towel, which you will then use to dry her off. Try it; it’s super sweet and romantic.


2. Love notes

Writing a short love note and placing into his briefcase, or, into the book he’s reading, will pleasantly surprise him.  When he’s done with the note, place it into a shoebox along with other memoirs.  (You can even incorporate the memoir jar into a romantic surprise down the road)


3. Breakfast in bed

Bringing her breakfast in bed is an event she will cherish no matter how often you do it.  Don’t forget to add her favorite garnish, or homemade espresso if she likes coffee, her favorite flower, and a love note.


4. Call her at work

Stevie Wonder said it best – “I just called to say I love you.”  If he likes Stevie Wonder, you could even play the song to him or leave it as a message on his voicemail.


5. Take a class together

If there’s a special interest that you share, such as pottery, dance, or yoga, or, a brand new subject just for the heck of it – sign up for a class.  Doing so can help you reconnect in a new way.


6. Back and foot rubs

These go a long way.  Rubbing your partners feet or back brings intimacy and is a way of saying “I appreciate the hard work you do”.


7. Flower a day

Give her a flower every day as a way to remind her that she’s special. Remember that flowers have individual meanings.  Better yet, give her flowers along with a guide so she can identify and trace back the meaning of each one.


8. Subscription service

For the workaholics or frequent travelers among us, a subscription service may be the ideal gift.   If she loves truffles, for example, find a chocolate company which offers a subscription service for truffles.  The “truffle of the month” will always be delivered to the house. Every month when she receives her truffle, she’ll be reminded of your love while you’re away.


Note how your partner responds to the romantic gestures you introduce. Be creative and daring. Vary your strategy to incorporate themes you and your partner share. Use the above ideas as a guide to get you thinking, and modify them as you like to fit your unique relationship.  Have fun, and enjoy many blissful years to come.

Kelli Hastings is a writer, social worker, and proud advocate for women. She earned her B.A. degree from the University of Oregon in 2007, and worked as a behavior support specialist and program manager. She is inspired to support couples, teach them skills that lead to healthy, happy and romantic partnerships. Her interests include cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness, visualization practice, and related therapies.

More by Kelli H

Understanding and Improving Intimacy for Married Couples

The Role of Romance in a Relationship and its Importance

The Importance of Emotional Intimacy

How to Put Romance Back into a Marriage