When two people are committed by marriage, complacency may be their undoing if they aren’t paying attention. The importance of romance in any marriage cannot be overstated; yet few are fortunate enough to avoid this phenomenon, since it is by human nature that romance waxes and wanes, often decreasing with time.
At one point or another, many spouses will question whether they can revive their love life, they may feel that their relationship is lacking in romance, passion, or intimacy. Although these are separate aspects, the three items are interdependent, mandatory conditions that must be consistently nurtured for marriage to work well.
Marriage as a house
Think of your marriage as a house, comprised of a foundation, walls, and rooftop. Without connecting each of these structures, the house will be incomplete and unstable. Your relationship’s passion is the foundation of that house. Now consider that the walls, holding together the foundation and roof, represent romance. The roof signifies intimacy; which involves affection, sexuality, and togetherness.
When the roof caves in
With just some passion and romance, but no intimacy, the house is not complete. Something is missing, even if you’ve been too busy to notice. Let’s say that the roof is leaking and the ceiling has been rotting away for some time. That’s what could happen to your intimacy if it hasn’t already. Negligence is the only way a roof rots out. Likewise, if we remove one wall (romance), the roof will cave in on top of the foundation. Passion would then be corroded, as a result; obscured beneath the rubble so that we do not see the problem until we are tripping over it.
The metaphor may seem cliché, but it is not without merit. The fact is, successful relationships depend on romance, intimacy and passion – and that is why they are so important in a marriage.
Keep it real
Maintenance is the best medicine; keeping your house in good stable condition through a few regular activities will maintain your marriage, whereas negligence can lead to eventual disaster. Checking in periodically, identifying issues as they arise, and solving structural problems before they get out of hand, are the ways to maintain the stability of the “house” that is your relationship. Likewise, the importance of communication cannot be overstated when it comes to maintenance.
Rekindle the fire
Make sure to give romance the attention it deserves! Devoting time and attention to your spouse can rekindle the importance of romance in your marriage. Here are a few tips:
1. Kiss passionately – Kissing is great fun and a must. Indulge in deep kisses, but even touching and giving a peck to each other in the mornings and evenings, can help build a lot of intimacy between a couple.
2. Schedule time for sex –Romance in marriage requires commitment and priority. Scheduling time for sex is another great way to keep the spark alive. Of course, going on weekly dates or monthly getaways is also a special way to spend time with each other.
3. Fulfill your spouse’s romantic needs – Trying to meet your partner’s romantic needs requires understanding of their perspectives. Men mostly focus on physical intimacy and women like to romantic in different ways. Try to do things that please your spouse, and they are likely to do the same for you!
Here are some romantic ideas that can be incorporated into your daily life easily:
- Everyday, make it a habit to tell your spouse that you look forward to seeing them at the end of the day before they leave for work.
- Write out and leave love notes (or anything sexy) in places for your spouse to find (like in their pockets, wallets, purse, etc)
- Husband’s: Offer to shave her legs. Wives: Offer to shave his face.
- Send them a hot text during the day. Use technology to your advantage.
- When shopping, buy a couple of “surprise gifts” for your spouse. The next time he or she is feeling down, give them one of these gifts to uplift their mood. A thoughtful gesture, this will be appreciated very much for sure!
- If your partner is having a rough day, take them out or make a special dinner for them. Everyone loves it when their partner makes them a meal.
- Dance in the living room at least once in a week.
- Read the sports magazine for him while wearing sexy lingerie.
Trying to meet your partner’s romantic needs requires an understanding of their perspectives.
If you find that your marriage seems mundane or boring, or that it lacks the passion or romance it once had, have faith that it can be rebuilt. It will take work though – you must be willing to put forth the effort if you want to see results. Work on the importance of romance in your marriage and it may bring out the best.
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If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
More by Kelli H