15 Mind Games Insecure Men Play in Relationships and What to Do

Does your boyfriend or husband play insecure man mind games in the relationship?

An insecure man’s mind games usually revolve around gaining total control over their partner through manipulative tactics in any relationship.

So far, he has made you ask a lot of questions and created doubt around him. He hardly calls or sets up dinner dates. Even when you set a date for a meeting, he comes up with an excuse.

You complain, and he blames everything on you, saying you make a mountain out of a molehill. As a result, you find yourself asking, “Is he playing mind games or not interested?”

People who play mind games are very tactical and “smart”. They know what they are doing but deflect to make their partners look bad. They intend to play mind games and let their partner take the brunt of the relationship while they relax and show up to “be there for you.”

You wonder what you’re doing wrong and start doubting yourself and the actions you put forth to make the relationship work. The next thing you know, you’re the one drawing in your tears and accepting that you are not good enough.

The solution? Stop it right now! Stop the self-blame and self-pity! Love is a sweet and refreshing experience that offers nothing but peace. You deserve more. If you doubt an insecure man’s mind games, keep reading to find out more about mind games in relationships.

Before we go into the central part of the article, let us check why men play mind games.

Related Reading: When You Live With An Insecure Husband

4 reasons why insecure men play mind games

If you have ever wondered why men play mind games, you are not alone.

The key to understanding mind games men play is to know the reason behind it. Generally, why do people play mind games? 

1. He’s not interested in you

First, it happens when a man is not just interested in the relationship anymore but has trouble speaking his mind. The trick here is to make their partner take all the blame and compel them to be the ones to break off the relationship.

That is one of the usual mind games men play.

Related Reading: Signs Your Partner Has Probably Lost Interest in Your Relationship

2. For the fun of it

In addition, some men play mind games for the fun of it. Yes! It’s a challenge they need to accomplish. If they succeed in making you feel bad, they win.

The reason for this action could happen due to the men’s exposure, background, and experiences. They might enjoy the pain and anguish their partner goes through, and they want to be in control. Making their partner feel sorry for an action they (the men) commit is an insecure man’s mind game.

3. To stroke his ego

Also, an insecure man’s mind games are based on the need to stroke his ego. All they want is to have exclusive power in a relationship.

They need and want to feel cherished enough in the relationship. So, instead of speaking about their desires, they prefer to play mind games on women.

4. Unsatisfied with their life

Finally, men play mind games on women because they are not satisfied. Some men grow up believing that they need to own something and are in charge of someone to prove their manhood.

When they feel discontented, they find it easy to take it out on their women by playing mind games. They assert their authority to remind you they have control.

How can you tell if someone is playing mind games?

The truth is it can be hard to tell the insecure man mind games from their true intentions. It is even harder if they had not been like that a few months ago. However, understanding mind games men play can be easy.

First, an insecure man’s mind games occur when they always feel the need to be in control. That’s because mind games emanate from the pressing need to gain control of another person. Also, if you start blaming and doubting yourself over your man’s actions, then that’s mind games in relationships.

Now that you have an idea of what mind games are, it is vital that you know the specific mind games men play on women and how to deal with a guy who plays mind games.

Related Reading: Signs of an Insecure Man in Love and What to Do About It

15 mind games men play on women in relationships

While mind games are not specific to any gender, here are some common mind games that women seem to have experienced more, where the player has been a man.

1. They blame you

Blame is a potent weapon in the hands of men who play games. Blaming others for unpleasant situations often hurts, especially if you don’t know where you acted wrong.

Often, blaming others is a projection tactic in insecure man mind games. They know they are at fault but can’t admit it. Their next step is to direct their anger to others.

What to do when someone blames you? 

Analyze the situation to know where the problem is and talk to a friend or family member. They will offer you a clear and objective perspective that will help you decide the next step.

Related Reading: Ways Blame-shifting in Relationship Harms It

2. They make you feel guilty

Another common mind game men play on women is the guilt trip. Men who play mind games derive joy in making their partners feel guilty for an action they (the men) do.

For instance, they go to work late and blame you for switching off late, making them sleep more. Yes! It can be as silly as that.

What to do when someone makes you feel guilty? 

Identify the guilt and express how you feel to them calmly. There is no guarantee this will work, but it will stop you from feeling guilty for something you didn’t do.

3. Shame

Another tactic of insecure men’s mind games is shaming their partner. Men who play games prey on their partners by shaming them on every chance they get without any action on your part.

For instance, they shame you with your background or past experiences in an attempt to tear you down. That often happens when you are better than them in a particular skill or activity.

What to do when someone shames you? 

First, understand it is about your partner and not you. Don’t let the shame get to you, and tell them their words don’t affect you. 

4. They take things from you

Men who play mind games are also sometimes gold diggers. Hence, they take something from you and promise to do more. For instance, they consistently borrow money but never return it. When you ask, they say you are proud or shaming them.

What to do when someone borrows without returning? 

It’s simple! Let them know you would prefer it if they refund or return your properties. If they don’t change, stop lending them money or giving them your items. 

5. They focus on your failures

Often men who play mind games in relationships are pretty successful because their self-blame comes from perfectionist tendencies.

These men hate and dread failures. Thus, they project their fears and problems onto the nearest person – their partner. It is all in an attempt to cover up for their inadequacies.

According to Dr. Jennifer Jacobsen, PhD in Psychology:

Men who focus on your failures are probably highly critical of themselves, and they’re projecting their critical inner voice onto you.

What to do when someone focuses on your failures? 

Tell them how you feel, then remind your partner that setbacks are necessary to succeed in life. Also, explain to them that no one is perfect, and being critical of self or others isn’t helpful.  If they don’t change, walk away before it’s too late.

6. They act perfectly

Insecure man mind games include acting as a perfect date. Some women have the illusions of an ideal man who sweeps them off their feet.

Men who play mind games understand this and use it against women. That’s why some women may not notice mind games in relationships over time.

What to do when someone is acting perfectly? 

It is best to encourage them to be free with you and relax.

Dr. Jennie Jacobsen suggests:

Tell him you don’t expect perfection.

7. He does not listen to you

Another strategy on how to tell if someone is playing mind games with you is inattentiveness. They intentionally ignore you, knowing it will infuriate you, giving them an upper hand in an argument.

What to do when someone does not listen to you?

 Acknowledge their good side to get their attention, then express yourself calmly.

Related Reading: Reasons Why Your Spouse Doesn't Listen to You

8. He plays with your emotions

Insecure man mind games include playing games with your feelings. Men who play mind games wait patiently till you fall in love with them; then they start acting weird.

This part makes you ask, “Is he playing mind games or not interested?”

What to do when someone plays with your emotions? 

If you want to know how to deal with a guy who plays mind games with your feelings, tell them how you feel and ask them what they want in the relationship.

Also, tell them if they keep playing mind games, the relationship may not work out.

9. He says it’s your fault

Men who play mind games are so insecure that they say it’s your fault anytime an issue comes up. It will help if you pay attention to how they make something your fault.

For instance, if you fight with someone, they blame you without listening to the whole story.

What to do when someone makes it your fault? 

If you want to know how to deal with a guy who plays mind games, be confident, assertive, and firm. Even when they blame you, reiterate that you are not at fault.

10. He constantly attacks your appearance

Another weapon of men who play mind games is to attack your physical appearance. If you want to know how to tell if someone is playing mind games with you, pay attention to how they push how you look into every conversation.

They may even compare you to models and actresses to make you feel bad. The truth is he feels threatened by your appearance, which is most likely excellent.

What to do when someone attacks your physical appearance? 

Be confident and calmly tell them how their words make you feel. Then, let them know you appreciate your body and whole personality.

11. He cuts you off from your friends

Mind games guys play involve setting a barrier between you and your friends. They do this by making false allegations that your friends don’t like them.

Also, they may say negative things like how they are influencing you in a wrong way. It is one of the signs he is playing mind games and an attempt to control you.

What to do when he does so? 

Let them know how important your friends are to your life. Remember to cite events when they have been helpful to you. 

12. He accuses you of cheating

Since playing mind games deals with having total control, insecure men accuse their partners falsely. They intend to pull their partner down to reduce their self-esteem and put themselves in a higher position.

Cheating is a serious deal-breaker in most monogamous relationships, and being accused of the same can be disappointing.

What to do when your partner accuses you falsely? 

Tell them you understand their feelings, but they are wrong for accusing you without any proof. If they don’t stop, walk away.

Related Reading: What to Do When You’re Being Accused of Cheating When Your Not

13. He acts mean for no reason

Remember that an insecure man’s mind games include pretentious acts when they first meet you. He might also put up a front. 

Unfortunately, they can’t keep up with being nice for too long, so their mind games in relationships jump out. He may have been nice initially, but he’ll quickly show his mean side.

What to do when someone acts mean to you? 

Talk to them about their behavior, emphasizing some of their positive behaviors in the past. Ask them why they act that way and reassure them they can talk to you anytime. 

If they refuse to stop, it is best to walk out.

Related Reading: Signs You're Dating a Mean Person

14. They always try to win in an argument

Instead of focusing on the main points of the arguments, men who play mind games concentrate on being the winner of the fight. They may even resort to abusive words to make you feel low and stop arguing.

What to do when your partner tries to win an argument? 

Take a time out so both of you can calm down. Remain confident and ask them questions based on what they say. That makes them scramble for answers.

15. They resort to violence and blame you

One of the signs he is playing mind games with you is when he physically abuses you during arguments or altercations and says you caused it. A physical attack is never an option, no matter the situation. Hence, violence is an insecure man’s mind game.

What to do when your partner attacks you? 

First, take a break from the relationship, and stay away from your partner for a while. Then talk to a coach or therapist.

In many cases, the best strategy to deal with a guy who plays mind games by inflicting pain on you is to leave. Don’t be afraid to contact law enforcement or a local domestic violence shelter if you are in danger from physical abuse.

Related Reading: Signs Indicating Insecurity in Relationships

Conclusion

If you have ever wondered why men play mind games, it is due to many reasons, including the need to manipulate and control their partners. Meanwhile, people who play mind games do so because their partner allows them. However, you don’t need to be at the receiving end of mind games in relationships.

Recognizing the mind games men play on women can help you make the best decision and have a good and exciting relationship. Besides, you also need to know how to deal with a guy who plays mind games.

To understand if he is not interested in you, watch this video.