Are you wondering how to fix a relationship? Does it feel broken?
If it does, don’t give up quite yet on fixing the relationship problems. In many cases, there are ways to mend a relationship if both parties are willing to put in the work.
There’s some great relationship advice out there, such as learning healthier communication and looking for the good in your partner. We’ve featured some of those tips ourselves. But what about the lesser-known tips? What else can you try when it all seems lost?
Trying to fix a relationship is not easy, but broken relationships aren’t always without hope. Try out these 15 best ways to fix a relationship and give yours a chance of recovery.
1. Eliminate the word “But”
“But” is a dangerous word, and if you are fixing a relationship problem, try avoiding to use it.
Imagine you’re trying to talk things out with your partner, and they’ve just admitted that they feel like they hardly see you anymore. If your response is, “but I’ve been working hard,” that immediately erases their concern.
“But” leaves the other party feeling like what they said doesn’t matter. One of the more effective ways to fix relationship problems is to substitute “but” with this simple phrase instead: “Yes, I can see why you feel that way.” Or, if you really can’t see it, try: “Yes … can you tell me a bit more about that?”
2. Make a conscious effort to increase positivity
It sounds obvious, but if you want to increase positivity in your relationship, an excellent place to start is by making an effort to do precisely that.
You might write out a list of all the things you love about your partner (and even better, show it to them). When looking at how to fix a bad relationship, try searching for reasons to be happy with each other, and do your best to eliminate stressors while fixing the relationship problems.
3. Realize it’s ok to let a problem go
When your relationship is in a rocky patch, it can lead to a kind of hyper-vigilance where you feel like you have to deal with every problem, right now. While it’s true that some issues do require your energy and attention, some don’t.
Before bringing an issue up with your partner, ask yourself if there’s anything to be gained from doing so. Don’t bring up a topic that’s already been resolved or that you can’t do anything about now.
4. Give yourself permission for fun
Things can start feeling serious and heavy when your relationship is on the rocks. The problem is, everything feeling so dire only adds to the sense that it’s too late for fixing a relationship problem.
If you want to fix a monotonous relationship, try permitting yourselves to have fun instead, and see if that helps. Don’t be afraid to be silly or affectionate or make a joke. Schedule time for a fun night out, a picnic, a road trip, or relaxing together with a favorite movie.
5. Try walking in their shoes
It’s easy to get so focused on how you feel and, sometimes, how mad you are, that the other person’s viewpoint is forgotten. Sometimes though, seeing their side is exactly what you need to do when you are going about fixing a relationship problem.
If you are asking yourself how to fix an unhealthy relationship, next time you’re at loggerheads, try looking at it from your partner’s perspective. If you’re not sure what their viewpoint is, ask. A little empathy can go a long way to fixing a relationship.
6. Focus on how you can change
Of course, you’ve thought a few times about the ways you wish your partner would change. That’s natural, and everyone does it.
The only problem is, you can’t change them. People only change when they are ready, and no amount of cajoling will make them do it.
Choose what matters to you. What issues do you need your partner to agree with you on, for your relationship to work? What can you let go of and simply agree to disagree about? Aim for cooperation and let yourselves disagree peacefully from time to time.
9. Put a focus on the good qualities
What made you fall in love with each other? What qualities did you recognize at the begging of the relationship that made you attractive to one another? What has changed since then?
As humans, we tend to give more attention to things that need fixing than those that are in good condition. Therefore, set aside time to recognize things you like about each other.
Perhaps you do it daily, or weekly, the important part is to build a regular habit of doing this if you truly wish to begin with fixing a relationship problem.
10. Set healthy boundaries
One of the critical problems in a relationship is the gradual loss of individual identity on account of the identity of the couple. If you feel that there is little space for your own choices and decisions, it might be time to consider setting boundaries.
When pondering how to fix a bad relationship, start with the right questions. What are some areas in which you would like to acquire more individuality so you can feel more accomplished?
When you do something on your own, you can attribute that success to only yourself and your self-confidence rises. Agree on what areas should be a part of the identity of you as a couple, and set boundaries on the areas that are only your own.
11. Forgive each other
Forgiving what happened in the past allows us to focus on the present moment and not drag past problems into the here and now. Forgiveness is a process and takes time.
Understanding what happened, why it happened like that, what their perspective was can help you forgive easier.
A study found that there is a correlation between controlling behaviors in partnership and receiving physical punishment in childhood.
Understanding the core of the problem and why they behave in such a way may help you forgive and help them work on the underlying issues.
12. Make a habit of trying new things
Besides working on problems to fix the relationship, you can improve it by focusing on creating unique experiences.
Along with thinking of what attracted you to each other and what qualities you appreciate, introduce new experiences into your lives.
Organize activities that will help you get to know each other all over again and have fun.
Laughing together makes you feel connected, and then solving problems becomes more comfortable.
A study has shown that negative forms of communication are affected not only by the topic difficulty but by marriage satisfaction as well. Therefore, working on having more joy in the relationship can change the type of communication we use when working on difficult topics.
13. Socialize more
When we focus on only one relationship, everything becomes enlarged, problems especially. So, how to fix a relationship in trouble?
Surround yourself with people who help you feel energized and gain new perspectives.
Additionally, though spending time with friends, we re-energize and have more capacity to work on problems. You can’t pour from an empty cp, therefore take care of yourself so you can repair your relationship.
14. Consider counseling
One of the sure ways to fix the relationship is to seek help from a professional who can help you recognize the problem and find effective ways of solving it. Additionally, if you are wondering how to fix a big mistake in a relationship, consider counseling.
This doesn’t mean you will need a counselor any time you fight. Instead, they will help you acquire tools you can use on your own after counseling is finished.
The focus in counseling is on communication and problem-solving skills. There are many steps to fixing a relationship, and a counselor will lead you through them. This can lead you to understand your partner in ways you’ve never thought possible.
15. Reconnect sexually
We communicate verbally and non-verbally. We can work on resolving problems verbally. However, we mustn’t forget to take care of the nonverbal plane too.
Remember, when you first started dating how easy it was to solve problems when things in the bedroom worked. You had something that was connecting you before and after fights. It is worth investing in this area too.
Repairing your relationship can be a result of efforts to rekindle the passion from the beginning of the relationship. It can help to go on the ‘first date’ again.
Imagine you only met now and act as you would in that scenario. What would you ask each other, where would you go, and how would you seduce each other?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.