Relationship communication problems are nothing new.
In fact, they probably occur in almost all relationships unless you have been smart and have already worked with your partner on understanding and correcting the typical relationship problems that you and most other couples might experience in your relationship.
Small relationship communication problems snowball into severe matters
It’s so easy to pick up negative communication habits when it comes to relationships, or in any type of communication that we do.
Who can say they’ve never become mad at their partners and raised their voice? Or behaved unfairly towards their partner? Or even refused to engage in a conversation at all?
The thing is, if you don’t pay careful attention, these kinds of patterns and behaviors can create real problems in our relationships.
They can turn small relationship communication problems into severe matters and can cultivate the simmering, long-term resentments or blame that drives a distance between you and makes it trickier to resolve things when a real crisis demands your attention.
It’s so important to pay close attention to how we communicate with our partner and to nip any relationship communication problems in the bud before they grow out of control.
Turning attention to the typical communication problems
By bringing our attention to the typical communication problems that present in most relationships and focusing on tools and techniques to resolve these relationship communication problems, you could turn your relationship from a potentially sinking ship to the romance story of the century.
Here are three of the most common relationship communication problems and how to avoid them
Freezing your partner out
We’ve all been there.
Our partner comes along and notices that we might not be in a particularly happy mood and asks us what’s wrong. And how do we respond? By saying ‘Nothing, or pretending that we haven’t heard them – or even worse by unconsciously blanking our partner out!
It’s strange, but this relationship communication problem is often caused because, for some unknown reason, many of us tend to assume our partner should be able to know exactly what we think even though we haven’t told them.
Which bodes the question;
Are we testing our partners by unconsciously asking them to prove that they know us well? Or to confirm that they are connected to our feelings enough so that they can diagnose our feelings without any verbal interaction?
When this situation happens, all that occurs is more ill feeling, and the transference of the bad mood moves onto our partner which is only going to result in a miserable day or evening together, and potential arguments.
The person receiving the silent treatment might feel put out and that they are being treated unreasonably – which could anger them or make them defensive.
And the person in the icy state is just sinking into a deeper mood because their partner has failed their impossible test.
When you look at how this common communication issue plays out in writing, it seems bizarre that we would behave this way, but we do nonetheless.
For the sake of relationship peace, we would all benefit from learning why we might freeze out our partners for no real reason so that we can kick this relationship communication problem to the curb!
To resolve this, it would be helpful if you could consider how you can communicate to your partner that you are in a bad mood and you need some space to allow it to pass.
Sure there might be times when your partner is the cause of the mood, but it would be wiser to sleep on it to give you time to process your feelings. If the problem is still annoying you in the morning, you could have a calm discussion with your partner about whichever of your boundaries they have pushed, or broken.
All you need to do at the time of the bad mood is tell your partner that you are in a bad mood and you haven’t figured out why.
And let your partner know that you’ll be ok in a few hours or in the morning and then take steps to move out of the bad mood knowing that you can speak to your partner about any issues when you are in a better state.
Make sure that you do communicate any problems with your partner if you feel that they are still important and need resolution the next day so that you don’t let not communicating your needs become the next relationship communication problem that you have to tend to!
Failing to take responsibility
Ah! The blame game.
When you’re frustrated with your partner, it can be tempting to act and even think that everything is their fault.
In a frustrated state, we don’t always like to acknowledge that every disagreement we have might have two sides to it – that doesn’t appease our frustrations!
And if we are feeling frustrated it can be difficult to acknowledge that there may be alternative things we could do to make things easier and avoid this frustrating relationship communication problem.
You know that you are much likely to be able to resolve problems in your relationship if you take responsibility for your part in them. But If you find yourself saying things like ‘you always’ or ‘you never,’ ‘you make me’ this is a clue that you are participating in one of the most common relationship communication problems around.
Instead, stop and try explaining to your partner that you feel like x when your partner does x, and you don’t know if this is for you to resolve, or for your partner right now.
It’s a much better way to open the floor for discussion.
Because let’s face it, if your partner is invested in you and is fully committed to your relationship (and your bad mood hasn’t transferred onto them), they will probably be more than happy to try to understand how they might be affecting you, so that they can put it to bed and live happily ever after with you!
Not controlling your emotions
We’ve all been guilty of losing our temper from time to time instead of calmly discussing matters with our partner.
Sometimes this relationship communication problem is enhanced because we might be afraid of the consequences if we disagree with our partner on something important.
Instead, we might use control dramas such as anger to support our case.
But aggressive language and shouting won’t help your partner to understand you any better. In fact, it’ll probably be quite the opposite, where they start to think that you are dramatic, over the top and disrespectful.
If we can control how we express ourselves to our partner concerning our emotions, then we can set the stage for a sensible, calm and productive conversation that could solve this relationship communication problem fast.
It’s much better to try to control how we express ourselves.
Be careful not to raise your voice if you can help it, and watch out for using negative or aggressive body language. Things tend to go a lot better if both parties feel they’re being listened to – not attacked.