In being present in a relationship, the anticipation is personal self-awareness, consciousness, albeit a sense of relaxation, free of thought, activity, or control.
There are no requirements for those involved, yet some people find it challenging with the volume of thoughts running through busy minds, distractions, and a level of fidgetiness to take care of numerous agendas.
The participants crave undivided attention in relationships away from the connectivity that drives everyone through the chaotic world.
When in the present, a loved one can sense when they’re the focus, whether they’re receiving total energy and genuinely being heard.
To focus on relationships with the level of depth that presence requires, individuals need to develop a connection to self and a sense of awareness.
You can’t expect a genuine conversation with full conscious attention from someone if you’re not aware of your behavior. How do you then know if you’re present in a relationship?
What does it mean to have presence in a relationship?
Learning to be in a relationship healthily requires presence. Being present means, you have an awareness of how you’re connecting with another person.
That translates to the level of attention you give that person. In essence, being present speaks to you being fully aware of providing a loved one with unconditional loving, undivided attention.
Focusing on the present is free of passing judgments, displaying an ego. There are no distractions nor agendas. The idea is to merely be with the other person in a “soul-to-soul” experience at the moment.
It’s pretty simplistic and straightforward. You are “presenting” someone (and they, you) energy, a connection, attention, and time for anything that person wants to share, and you are fully tuned in.
Why is being present important in a relationship?
The importance of being present in relationships is significant for a healthy union.
A mutual, energetic effort made to enjoy spending time alone together without distractions or interruptions or interference and without allowing moments from the past or something in the future to threaten what you currently have creates an authentic connection.
To have an enriching experience like that, you first need to be self-aware. It can be time-intensive to develop the ability to engage in the present, with what is currently occurring, with authentic joy and genuine emotion free of doubt, regrets, worry, or even fear.
When you take that to your relationships, it allows focusing on the ones important in your life, especially a partner.
All the other chaos and day-to-day agendas go on hold while you’re interacting with full undivided attention on this person. Plus, your loved one will be able to tell that your energy is with them and will return the same.
10 Tips on how to be present in a relationship
Before being present in a relationship, it’s vital to develop a connection to one’s self.
It’s challenging to be fully aware of a level of interaction with another person unless you’re in tune with your behavior. Some things couples, in particular, can practice being more present:
1. Self-care regimen
It’s crucial to ensure that you engage in regular self-care. In this way, you can consciously give attention to another person. Journaling is an ideal method for self-assessment.
Once through writing, read the previous day’s entry back so you can ultimately develop an understanding of where you might be lacking and how you can improve being present in a relationship.
Whether in a marriage or dating, being present in a relationship is the basis for a healthy situation. One manner of achieving that is setting boundaries designating conscious time spent together.
That means cutting off connectivity; no social media, internet, or business during specific times when there should be uninterrupted interaction between the two of you.
Some of those moments should include meal times or at the end of the day, maybe date nights, plus time away on the weekends. These are ideal for focusing on each other without outside interference.
4. Texting isn’t off-limits
Texting can help with being present in a relationship.
When you’re apart from each other, sending messages throughout the day with positive content plus open-ended questions or points that make the other person curious can lead to active listening and dialogue when you turn the phones off in the evening.
In a sense, this is an act of being present virtually because you need to be conscious about the content you send, so it prepares the other person for an evening of “presence.”
5. Dress for the occasion
You don’t always have to be in your best clothes to spend time with the people you love.
Sometimes a night spent in a t-shirt and sweats, just lounging on the couch with some hot cocoa is comforting while you have an in-depth conversation.
I did say hot cocoa. If you want to listen actively and give someone full, lucid attention, you don’t want to impair your thought process with alcohol – even wine.
Often, if we’re in a longer-term commitment, unfortunately, there’s not always enough thought in dressing, styling the hair, or appearance in general.
This is another attempt at being mindful of love, making an effort to dress for those moments when you choose each other over the devices.
6. Tell each other secrets
Make sure that your partner is the first person you confide any information to, whether it be a reaction to something, an update on a life event, divulging opinions, and secrets you share with no one else.
In doing this, you’re taking a proactive step to be present with your partner by developing a deeper connection.
7. Schedule time to swap critiques
If you share common interests, whether it be books, art, movies, music playlists, develop perhaps a couple’s book club or exchange your playlists and then spend an evening comparing notes on what you each received from the experience.
That can not only give you an evening of enlightening conversation, but it has the potential for giving each of you new interests, possibly new hobbies, and the likelihood for some excursions.
Maybe you can check out concerts, art galleries, perhaps book signings for favorite authors.
8. Don’t forget to listen
Many people are incessant overachievers leading to the cause for having to learn methods for being present in a relationship.
One problem is some will try too hard to be mindful of at the moment with someone by asking questions but fail to realize active listening is a skill that needs practice also.
The other person needs to feel energetically supported and paid attention to when they’re expressing themselves.
They don’t want to look at a face with no expression or that seems anxiously waiting just to ask another question.
To learn the art of listening watch this video:
9. Show up
Being present in a relationship means showing up when you say you’ll be there. It’s disrespectful to a partner to be late or, worst of all, not show up for any reason without giving a call.
If you’re the type to appear frequently at the last minute, it can begin to feel to the other person as though they’re not important or you don’t want to be there.
You don’t want to give a wrong impression; pay attention to how you’re presenting yourself.
10. Show each other gratitude
If you’re in a relationship for any period, gratitude is often merely understood but not spoken. Those making a concerted effort at being present in a relationship find it essential to make gratitude a spoken priority and not a silent nod.
When each of you is consciously aware of the other’s appreciation for even the slightest effort, being who each is as people, extraordinary attributes, you will start achieving presence.
Presence and availability in a relationship should become care-free and natural given time and practice. It develops as each person grows to be self-aware and conscious in their behavior, able to monitor the quality of their interactions with loved ones.
It’s not merely a matter of your being able to handle a conversation but to actively listen as the other person speaks and hear what it is they need to say. If done correctly, there is recognition and gratitude for the time, effort, and undivided attention you bring to your relationships.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.