When your relationship ends, you feel like you’ve been hit by a truck and left with a hole in your heart. The knots in your stomach are unexplainable, you can’t eat, you can’t sleep, you have a difficult time concentrating, and most of all you have many questions:
WHY? Why me? Why did he do this to me? Why did he leave? What’s wrong with me? What did I do? Wasn’t I enough for him?
There are some relationships that leave you in a daze for many days after it ends, then there are some relationships that will make you ask, what in the world is wrong with me, after they end; and then there are those relationships that leave you speechless, hopeless, and worried if you would ever love again.
No matter how you felt when your relationship ended, the truth is, it was his choice. His choice to leave, his choice to cheat, his choice to marry someone else, and his choice to do all the things he did, and there’s nothing you could have done that would have kept him from hurting you, from cheating, from choosing someone else, from marrying someone else, or from walking away.
You are not responsible for his actions or behavior, but you are responsible for your own. You are responsible for how you choose to see the situation, you are responsible for whether or not you will accept him back, you are responsible for whether or not you will allow what happen to change how you view men, and you are responsible for whether or not you will let go and move on.
One of the hardest thing for a woman to do is to let go
It’s hard to move on from the man a woman thought would be her prince, her forever, or her one and only. Even after years of being treated badly, taken for granted, being used and abused, and lied to, it’s start hard to let go and move on.
I often wonder, what is it about us, why do we continue to stay, why do we continue to accept the lies and deceit and call it love and then when the relationship ends we are torn apart. Instead of being happy that we don’t have to deal with the drama anymore, we’re sad because he left and secretly trying to figure out how to get him back and sitting at home contemplating whether or not to call or text.
So, WHY do you keep holding on after the relationship has ended?
I can answer that, because I’ve been there, and the reason is because you haven’t fully let go and you haven’t gotten over him.
Here are six sure ways to help you let go, get over him, and move on:
- Write a I’m Choosing to Let You Go letter to him, but don’t mail it. In the letter, express how you feel, express your hurt, express your pain, express your anger, and say everything you want to say, thought about saying, and wish you had said while dating, and get everything out of your system. Then, rip the letter into very small pieces, put the small pieces in a bag, close the bag, soak it in water, and then throw it away.
- Delete all of his numbers from all of your cell phones, delete all of his email addresses, delete all of his emails from your inbox, sent box, junk box, drafts, trash box, and archives, and disconnect yourself from him on all social media outlets.
- Get rid of all of his items from your home and everything that reminds you of him. Let go of the clothes, books, gifts, music, candles, jewelry, journals where you wrote about your experiences with him (unless you are going to use it to write a book), and items he left at your house that belongs to his friends.
- Take yourself to YOUR favorite restaurant, buy YOUR favorite items at the grocery store, travel to YOUR favorite place, rearrange your home the way YOU want it, wear YOUR favorite colors, burn YOUR favorite candle, and wear YOUR hair the way you want to.
- Put his number on spam and auto reject, just in case he decides to call again.
- Don’t forget why the relationship ended, and what you went through. Experience is the best teacher, so position yourself to go through what you’ve been through again, don’t create a cycle and don’t repeat bad relationship habits.
When a relationship ends, life can appear to end with it and it can be a devastating experience. It will take some time to get over; but at some point, your joy will return, you will be happy again, and you will continue with life. Give yourself time to get over it, and resist the urge to go back.
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More by LaWanda N Evans