Will I Ever Find Love? 20 Things You Need to Remember

It’s a question that can weigh heavily on the heart: Will I ever find love?

Some days it feels like everyone else has it figured out, while you’re left wondering if love has somehow skipped over you. Maybe you’ve had your fair share of heartbreaks, or maybe love has never quite shown up the way you hoped it would.

It’s easy to spiral into doubt when the search feels endless… and yet, love has a way of surprising us, often when we least expect it.

The truth is, longing for connection is one of the most human feelings, and while the wait can feel frustrating, it doesn’t mean the story ends here.

Why do people ask, “Will I ever find love?”

People often find themselves quietly whispering, “Will I ever find love?” when loneliness lingers a little too long or when heartbreak feels too fresh to heal.

Sometimes it comes after watching others build relationships while you wonder why it hasn’t happened for you. Other times, it’s sparked by age, timing, or the fear that love has passed you by.

These questions don’t mean you’re broken; they mean you care deeply about connection, belonging, and being seen for who you truly are. And that longing, while tender, is something almost everyone can relate to.

10 reasons it is so difficult to find someone you love

Letting love find you can be difficult, even when you want someone so badly. The search can feel endless, especially when your heart has been through disappointment after disappointment.

If you’ve failed time and time again to find a loving relationship, you may be struggling with some of the following:

1. You aren’t willing to do the work

Relationships certainly have their benefits, but they do require work. 

Over time, couples who are in long-term relationships will encounter conflict and differences of opinion.

If you are not willing to accept conflict as normal and put in the work to resolve your differences, you may never find lasting love.

• Notice this: Love grows strongest when both partners show up, even in difficult seasons, with patience, empathy, and a willingness to repair.

2. You’re afraid of getting hurt

If you’ve been hurt in the past or didn’t have a good example of healthy relationships while growing up, you may be fearful that getting involved in a serious relationship will result in injury.

If this is the case, you may be afraid to open yourself up to people. That fear can build invisible walls around your heart, keeping love at a distance even when you crave it most. Learning to trust again takes time, patience, and small steps toward healing.

• Notice this: Being cautious doesn’t mean you’re broken; it means your heart still matters enough to protect while learning to trust again.

3. There are other priorities in your life

Maybe you’ve been so focused on your career or your personal goals that you haven’t set aside enough time or put forth the effort required to have a meaningful relationship.

Love often takes a back seat in moments like these—not because you don’t want it, but because your energy is invested elsewhere. That doesn’t mean love won’t arrive; it simply means your path unfolds differently.

• Notice this: It’s okay if love isn’t first right now; what matters is staying open when the right timing finally comes.

4. Your standards are too high

Sometimes, we create a vision of the perfect partner in our head, and if someone falls short in any way, we determine that they cannot possibly be the one for us. 

The reality is that there is no perfect person or perfect partner, and if you are holding people to impossibly high standards, you may be missing out on a loving relationship.

• Notice this: High standards are healthy, but expecting perfection may prevent you from discovering real love, which is filled with acceptance and growth.

5. You have unrealistic perceptions of what love means

If you base your understanding of love on the fairytale romances displayed on television and in movies, you may think you haven’t found love unless you have the ideal relationship. 

Remember that all relationships involve conflict, and it is unlikely that looking for a new love will result in a magical whirlwind romance.

• Notice this: Love isn’t about scripted moments; it’s about imperfect humans showing up for each other in real and meaningful ways.

6. Fear of commitment leads you to seek out surface-level relationships

It may be that you’re afraid of settling down with someone, so instead of looking for love, you are engaging in casual relationships or hookups. This type of interaction is unlikely to lead to lasting love.

Deep down, you might crave something more, but the idea of permanence feels overwhelming. True intimacy may always feel out of reach until that fear is faced.

• Notice this: Commitment doesn’t trap you—it creates freedom to love deeply without holding back pieces of yourself out of fear.

7. You’re too close-minded

Another problem people may run into when looking for love is being too close-minded. 

Perhaps you won’t date anyone who doesn’t fulfill certain criteria, or maybe your “deal breakers” are too strict. If this is the case, you may need to open your mind a bit to find love.

• Notice this: Staying open doesn’t mean lowering values; it means allowing love to surprise you in ways you didn’t expect.

8. You aren’t willing to try new things

If you are so set in your ways that you are never willing to try a new activity or go somewhere different, it is unlikely that you will ever meet anyone to be able to find love.

Staying in the same routines keeps you in the same circles, which limits your chances of connection. Sometimes, love appears in the places you least expect—but only if you’re open enough to look.

• Notice this: Small steps outside your comfort zone can open doors to people and experiences you might otherwise never discover.

9. You’ve gotten stuck in a pattern of negativity

If you find yourself thinking, “I just want someone to love me!” you may begin to view yourself negatively and assume that you will simply never find love. 

This can result in you giving up or failing to put your best foot forward, ultimately creating a self-fulfilling prophecy in which you are never successful at finding the love you want.

• Notice this: Your mindset shapes your reality—hope and positivity invite love, while negativity can silently push it further away.

10. You expect too much of your partner

Maybe your significant other has a successful career and tries to make you happy, but it is never enough for you.

If you expect your partner to meet your every need and be perfect at all times, you will probably never find a successful, loving relationship. Real love thrives on acceptance, not impossible standards.

• Notice this: Expecting perfection keeps love out of reach; real connection grows through compassion, flaws, and shared effort.

10 things to do while waiting for love

If you’re looking to find love, it is important not to rush, as you may end up in the wrong relationship. The wrong relationship isn’t better than being alone, so while you wait to meet the right person, there are positive steps you can take.

This season can actually be a gift—an opportunity to focus on yourself in ways you might not be able to once you’re coupled. You create more natural space for love to enter by making the most of this time.

1. Focus on your career

Establishing a strong career and getting your finances in order will set you up for a successful relationship. You will be less likely to bring financial baggage to the table that harms a new relationship.

This also builds your confidence and independence, making you feel secure in who you are. A healthy sense of stability can create the foundation for love’s growth.

• Mistakes to avoid: Don’t let your career completely consume your life. Balance ambition with personal growth so love has room to enter naturally.

2. Engage in hobbies

When you aren’t in a relationship, you should have plenty of time to explore your own hobbies, so now is the time to do the things you love. You may even find someone who has things in common with you if you take time to explore your passions.

Hobbies keep life full and joyful, so love doesn’t feel like the only missing piece. They also help you connect with yourself—and sometimes, that’s where love begins.

• Mistakes to avoid: Don’t force hobbies just to meet someone. Focus on genuine enjoyment, and let shared interests connect you naturally, not strategically.

3. Focus on your own health and fitness

Going to the gym to get in shape and become the healthiest version of yourself can be helpful when you’re looking for a new love.

Taking care of your body also boosts your mood, energy, and self-esteem, naturally making you more confident. When you feel good inside and out, you’ll naturally attract people who value the same.

• Mistakes to avoid: Do not exercise solely to impress someone else. Instead of unrealistic physical ideals or comparisons, focus on health, confidence, and well-being.

4. Take time to travel

Being single doesn’t have to be negative because it gives you time to focus on yourself. Now is the time for adventure. Take that trip you’ve always wanted to take, so you’re ready to settle down when you do find the love you need.

Travel opens your perspective, introduces you to new cultures, and teaches you more about yourself. Sometimes, the journey itself helps prepare your heart for the love waiting ahead.

• Mistakes to avoid: Don’t travel just to escape loneliness. Use the experience to grow, reflect, and connect—with yourself and the world around you.

5. Turn into the best version of yourself

No one is perfect, and a healthy, loving relationship requires you to accept your partner’s flaws. That being said, if you have bad habits you want to change, now is the time to do so.

Eliminating bad habits like smoking or failing to keep up with a clean house can save you from conflict when you begin a relationship.

• Mistakes to avoid: Don’t try to change yourself for others. Self-improvement should come from love for yourself, not fear of being unworthy.

6. Go out and socialize

Even if you’re enjoying your single life, you probably eventually want to settle down and find someone.

If this is the case, you have to get out and socialize, as you’ll never meet someone while sitting at home. Accept invitations to attend social gatherings and develop connections with other people.

• Mistakes to avoid: Don’t attend events just to find “the one.” Be open to connection and enjoy meeting people without placing heavy expectations on outcomes.

7. Cultivate your friendships

When you enter a serious relationship, you’ll likely have less time for friends, so now is the time to nurture your friendships.

Your friends are likely to be around for life, regardless of whether your future romantic relationships fail, so it’s important to have strong friendships.

• Mistakes to avoid: Don’t neglect your friends once love appears. Strong friendships balance your emotional world and support your relationship’s long-term health.

8. Evaluate where you have room for change

When you wonder if love will find you one day, you might have to take some time to self-evaluate. 

It’s easy to blame past partners for our failed relationships, but maybe you bring something to the table that makes it difficult for love to find you.

Evaluate where past relationships went wrong, including what role you played, so you can avoid similar mistakes in the future.

• Mistakes to avoid: Don’t dwell on guilt or self-blame. Reflection is for growth, not punishment—use it to learn, not to shame yourself.

9. Consider therapy

If you bring emotional baggage to the table, it may be time to consider going to therapy to work through your own issues before you enter a relationship. 

We all have a history, and if past trauma or pain is stopping you from finding love, it is important to work through this before beginning a relationship.

• Mistakes to avoid: Avoid expecting therapy to “fix” you instantly. Healing takes time, and progress often comes in small, meaningful steps forward.

10. Learn some life skills

If you’re looking for love, you may eventually find yourself moving in with your partner.

If you have already learned important life skills, like how to make basic household repairs and how to manage finances, you’ll be better prepared for a successful partnership.

• Mistakes to avoid: Don’t rely on a partner to handle basic responsibilities. Self-sufficiency builds mutual respect and creates balance in a healthy relationship.

Will I Ever Find Love? 20 things you need to remember

Waiting for love can sometimes feel like an endless road, especially when you’ve been hurt or disappointed before. But reminding yourself of a few gentle truths can make the journey feel lighter.

If you’re waiting to find someone to love, there are 20 things you may want to keep in mind, so you can be more realistic about the process:

1. The ideal version of love in your mind may not exist

Fairytale romances make for good movies, but this type of love probably doesn’t exist in real life. Love doesn’t have to match what you see on TV to be real and meaningful.

Real love is imperfect yet beautiful, built on effort and trust rather than scripted magic. When you let go of unrealistic ideals, you make space for genuine connection.

Here’s what you can do:

• Reflect on what qualities truly matter to you beyond appearance or fantasy.
• Remind yourself that love grows through consistency, not perfection.
• Appreciate authenticity over grand gestures or “movie moments.”

2. It’s important to relax

Putting too much pressure on yourself can backfire. You may rush into an unhealthy relationship or become so anxious that you are unable to get out and meet people. 

Relax, and trust that if you are meant to be with someone, it will happen. Love tends to find you more easily when you’re at ease, enjoying life as it is. The calmer your heart feels, the more open you are to authentic possibilities.

Here’s what you can do:

• Practice mindfulness or deep breathing when anxiety about love arises.
• Say yes to spontaneous plans instead of overthinking outcomes.
• Focus on joy in the present rather than chasing what’s next.

3. Love won’t magically make your life perfect

It’s not unusual for people to believe that finding the perfect person will make life better. While healthy relationships can bring happiness to your life, they will not suddenly erase all of your problems.

It is never a good idea to let all of your happiness rest on one person, either, so do not expect love to be the answer to all of your problems.

Here’s what you can do:

• Build happiness through personal goals, passions, and friendships.
• Reflect on how you can nurture your own sense of peace and fulfillment.
• Remember, love adds to your life—it doesn’t complete it.

4. You have to take responsibility for finding love

It isn’t just about waiting for the right person to show up—it’s also about the choices you make along the way. Sitting back and hoping love will magically appear can leave you feeling stuck.

Taking ownership means putting yourself out there, meeting new people, and being intentional about what you want.

Here’s what you can do:

• Be proactive: join events, apps, or groups that align with your interests.
• Clarify your relationship values and non-negotiables.
• Treat love as a choice to pursue, not luck to stumble upon.

5. You’re going to have to stop being negative

It’s natural to feel a little down on yourself if you can’t seem to find love, but having a negative outlook is only going to make matters worse. If you speak negatively about yourself or have a negative disposition, you probably won’t attract someone into your life.

Positivity not only shifts your mindset but also makes you more approachable to others. Choosing hope over doubt creates an energy that draws love closer.

Here’s what you can do:

• Replace self-critical thoughts with small affirmations of worth.
• Spend time with optimistic, encouraging people.
• Focus on what’s possible rather than what has gone wrong before.

6. Staying home all the time is not an option

You may have gotten comfortable sitting at home on the couch with Netflix and some salty snacks, but you’re never going to find love this way. You will likely have to step outside your comfort zone to find the man or woman of your dreams.

Even small efforts, like attending events or trying new activities, can open unexpected doors. The more you put yourself out into the world, the more chances love has to meet you there.

Here’s what you can do:

• Say yes to at least one social outing a week.
• Try a new hobby or class that involves meeting people.
• Remind yourself that small risks can lead to big rewards.

7. It’s important to establish a solid foundation for yourself

You don’t need to be in a relationship to go after your career goals or to buy your own home. Go after these things now, and you’ll be in a good position to commit to a relationship.

Building independence and stability gives you confidence and security that you can carry into love. A strong foundation also ensures that you choose a partner out of desire, not out of need.

Here’s what you can do:

• Set clear financial or career milestones that make you proud.
• Invest in emotional health through reflection or journaling.
• Learn to enjoy your own company—independence makes love healthier.

8. You must accept that you deserve love

If you have had trouble finding love in the past, you may have come to believe that you do not deserve the kind of loving relationship you want. 

It is important to stray away from this mindset because the reality is that you are deserving of the love and respect you desire.

Here’s what you can do:

• Remind yourself daily that you are worthy of genuine love and kindness.
• Challenge old beliefs that tell you otherwise.
• Surround yourself with people who affirm your value.

9. It’s time to toss out your idea of the ideal significant other

While you’re waiting for love to find you, get rid of any ideas that you have about what the ideal romantic partner looks like.

No one will be able to live up to perfection, and when you meet the love of your life, you will be willing to compromise and accept their quirks and imperfections.

Here’s what you can do:

• Write down what truly matters—kindness, effort, compatibility.
• Give chances to people who might not fit your “type.”
• Stay curious instead of judgmental when meeting someone new.

10. Don’t be afraid to ask for help

Perhaps your friends know someone who would be a great match for you, or maybe someone at your local gym knows a person who is looking for love.

Don’t be afraid to make it known that you’re in the market for a relationship, and ask others to keep you in the loop about any potential love matches they have in mind for you.

Here’s what you can do:

• Tell close friends you’re open to being set up.
• Join a trusted dating platform that feels right for you.
• Be honest about your intentions when meeting new people.

11. Learn to be happy with yourself

If you rely upon someone else to make you happy, you will never find a loving relationship, because no one can make you happy 100% of the time, and even your significant other is not responsible for ensuring your happiness at every moment.

Learn to be happy with yourself by accepting yourself and finding happiness doing things you love, and you will attract a loving relationship.

Here’s what you can do:

• Do activities that genuinely make you feel alive.
• Practice gratitude for the life you already have.
• Learn to soothe yourself emotionally instead of depending on others.

12. Don’t focus only on falling in love

One day love will find you, but you cannot focus so much attention on the love that all of your eggs fall in one basket. Give other areas of your life, such as career, hobbies, and friendships, the attention they deserve, and love will come.

A whole, balanced life makes you happier and more attractive to others. When love is not your only goal, it has room to grow naturally without pressure.

Here’s what you can do:

• Set personal and professional goals outside romance.
• Make time for friends and fun.
• Remember that joy multiplies when shared, not chased.

13. Go out on dates

It may seem obvious, but some people who find themselves thinking, “I just want someone to love me!” have never made a real effort at dating. 

Finding the love of your life will probably take effort, and you may have to go on a few dates before you find the right match.

Here’s what you can do:

• Keep an open mind when meeting new people.
• Don’t expect instant chemistry; connection takes time.
• Treat each date as a chance to learn about yourself, too.

14. You need to stop putting yourself down

When you’re stuck in a cycle of looking for new love, and no relationship ever seems to work out, you may begin to blame yourself, but it is important not to put yourself down.

Sometimes two people just aren’t compatible, and it doesn’t mean you are unworthy of love. Failed relationships simply mean you haven’t found the right person yet, or perhaps you’re not yet ready to find this person.

Here’s what you can do:

• Write down your best qualities and reread them often.
• Notice patterns in your thoughts and replace criticism with compassion.
• Forgive yourself for past mistakes and start fresh.

15. You might have to practice forgiveness

Everyone makes mistakes, so if you want to let love find you, you might have to forgive your partner for honest mistakes instead of letting every mistake be a reason to end a new relationship.

Forgiveness creates space for growth and strengthens trust between two people. Holding onto grudges, on the other hand, only builds walls where love should be.

Here’s what you can do:

• Learn to separate a person’s actions from their worth.
• Let go of resentment that weighs your heart down.
• Focus on solutions, not blame, during conflict.

16. Being more realistic might be necessary

It is very unlikely that anyone you meet will ever check off every single box on your list of preferred qualities in a significant other. You might have to set more realistic standards and accept someone who is compatible with you and meets most of your preferences.

Realism doesn’t mean settling—it means recognizing the beauty of an imperfect but genuine connection. When you let go of rigid expectations, love has more freedom to surprise you.

Here’s what you can do:

• Revisit your “must-have” list and see what truly matters.
• Embrace quirks that make people unique.
• Focus on how someone treats you rather than how they appear.

17. Love at first sight may not be a reality

Some people have a “falling in love story” in which they recall feeling an instant connection with their partner, but don’t write someone off simply because it didn’t feel like “Love at first sight.”  It is entirely possible to fall in love over time rather than instantly.

Slow, steady love often builds deeper trust and lasting bonds. Sometimes the strongest relationships begin with patience, friendship, and shared experiences.

Here’s what you can do:

• Give people more than one chance before deciding.
• Prioritize emotional depth over surface attraction.
• Notice how you feel around someone rather than the initial spark.

18. Be prepared to discuss difficult topics

Relationships can go sour when difficult discussions are avoided. If you’re looking to find love, you must be prepared to discuss differences of opinion and manage conflict instead of keeping it inside and allowing resentments to build.

Honest conversations may initially feel uncomfortable, but they create trust and a deeper connection. Facing challenges together shows love is strong enough to handle real life, not just the easy parts.

Here’s what you can do:

• Practice active listening without interrupting.
• Approach sensitive topics calmly and respectfully.
• Use “I” statements to express how you feel.

19. Try to enjoy the process

Falling in love is meant to be an enjoyable experience, but if you are putting too much pressure on yourself to find the one, you might find that it becomes a source of anxiety rather than a source of pleasure.

Try to enjoy yourself and revel in the positive moments. Each step, even the awkward or uncertain ones, can teach you something valuable. When you focus on joy, the journey feels lighter and more meaningful.

Here’s what you can do:

• Celebrate small wins, like a good conversation or a kind gesture.
• Laugh at awkward moments instead of overanalyzing them.
• Let curiosity replace pressure or fear.

Watch this TED Talk in which relationship expert Bela Gandhi reveals how lasting love comes from choosing a partner who makes you genuinely happy, not just one you’re drawn to. She explains how to build a smarter “checklist” rooted in values and compatibility:

20. Consider dating someone different

If all of your past relationships have failed, perhaps you are looking for love in the wrong places. 

For instance, maybe you are going after people who are emotionally unavailable, or perhaps you always date someone who is exactly like you. Consider someone different, and you might discover that you are more successful at finding the love you want.

Here’s what you can do:

• Reflect on what hasn’t worked before and try something new.
• Stay open to different personalities or backgrounds.
• Let connection surprise you—you might find love where you least expect it.

Is it possible that you will never find love?

For some people, accepting the possibility of never finding love can feel like an uncomfortable truth—but it’s also part of life’s unpredictability. While many dream of lifelong partnerships, not everyone ends up in a traditional relationship, and that’s okay.

As these numbers show, our definitions of love and partnership are changing. It’s becoming more common for people to stay single, cohabit, or pursue fulfillment outside of marriage.

So yes, it’s possible that you may never experience love in the conventional sense—but that doesn’t mean your life will lack connection, meaning, or joy.

FAQs

If you’ve ever wondered if you will ever find love, you’re not alone—many people wrestle with the same question at some point in life. Below are some of the most common questions people ask when they’re searching for clarity, comfort, or hope about love.

• What is the fear of never finding love called?

The fear of never finding love is often linked to philophobia—the fear of love or emotional attachment. It can stem from past heartbreak, rejection, or insecurity, making people hesitant to open up or trust again.

• What are the chances of finding love?

The chances of finding love vary for everyone, but research shows that most people experience at least one meaningful romantic relationship in their lifetime. Staying open, social, and emotionally available greatly increases the likelihood of finding lasting love.

• At what age should you find love?

There is no “right” age to find love. Some people meet their partner early in life, while others discover love later. What truly matters is emotional readiness, self-awareness, and being open to connection when it naturally happens.

• What things can stop a person from finding love?

Fear of vulnerability, unrealistic expectations, past emotional wounds, or negative thinking can all block love. Staying isolated, being overly picky, or not working on personal growth may also make it harder to form healthy, lasting relationships.

• How do you know you will never find love?

You can’t truly know that you’ll never find love. Sometimes it takes longer than expected, or it appears in an unexpected form. The key is staying hopeful, open, and connected to life—love often finds you when you least expect it.

Hope is closer than you think

Love often arrives quietly, in moments we least expect—sometimes after heartbreak, sometimes after years of waiting, and sometimes when we finally stop searching so hard.

If you’ve been asking yourself, “Will I ever find love again?” remember this: love doesn’t follow a perfect timeline. It grows in its own time, in its own way, and often when your heart feels ready to receive it.

Keep living, laughing, healing, and learning about yourself… because every bit of growth brings you closer to the connection meant for you. Love always finds its way—it just needs a little patience and faith.