When you devote yourself to a relationship, you will always expect your partner to do the same. Relationships will still require partners to be committed, but unavailable partners view this differently.
Usually, emotionally unavailable people are involved in other relationships, and they don’t value the current relationship they are in with you.
Besides, emotionally unavailable partners are said to have had a negative upbringing or might have grown up in an abusive environment.
What does emotionally unavailable mean?
Emotionally unavailable means someone not sharing the feelings or responding to someone else’s emotions. Emotionally unavailable meaning is that they shut themselves and are not able to sustain an emotional relationship with people.
They try to evade the discussions that involve emotional investment. They shy away from deep connections.
When you enter into an adult relationship, both the partners expect a certain level of maturity. Am I emotionally unavailable or my partner is? So, when one partner acts unavailable, this can play havoc in the relationship. But what could possibly be the reason?
Know these reasons that could play a part in your partner being unavailable:
Childhood attachment styles, especially avoidant attachment style can make the person evade emotional connections
Past betrayal can also affect the trust on relationships for the person
Emotionally unavailable wife or husband, in most cases, won’t care about what you feel. They are just selfish and want to think only about themselves. They give themselves a lot of attention compared to you, which is terrible.
You will find out that everything they do involves them only. They don’t want to care about anyone else. Besides, such people have some ego which fuels their selfish acts.
The best thing to do is to stay away from such people because that’s already a sign of an emotionally unavailable partner.
If you are living in an emotionally unavailable marriage, you might have often observed that your spouse doesn’t involve you in the decisions they make.
Emotionally unavailable partners tend to make their own decisions, and many a time, they do not care to involve their spouses in decisions that affect their spouses as well.
These are the typical signs someone is emotionally unavailable that can lead to widening the breach in a relationship.
8. Too much intimacy scares them
One of the glaring emotionally unavailable signs is that your partner avoids emotional intimacy.
Some of the emotionally unavailable partners might even shun away from deep physical intimacy.
They might prefer having sex just for the heck of it, but making love is something that they just don’t fathom.
Living a life without intimacy can be truly disheartening. If you observe these emotionally unavailable traits in your partner, you must make up your mind to address these issues without further delay.
9. Any emotional discussion turns them off
If you got an emotionally unavailable husband or a wife, you must be finding it tough to converse with them on the emotional tangent.
As long as the discussion is easy, they at least care enough to respond.
But, if you intend to cross the casual lines to initiate a more in-depth discussion, they might either change the topic or tell you on your face that they are disinterested.
Some emotionally unavailable people might even try to coax their significant others to think and behave just as they do, and label the emotional discussions to be absurd or even toxic.
10. They won’t make efforts to mollify you
If you are angry with your emotionally unavailable partner and are hoping that they should be the one coming up to you, then perhaps you will have to wait forever!
Your emotionally absent partner is likely not even to acknowledge that you are upset because of them or any other reason. They opine that appeasing you might further push you to throw tantrums.
So, the typical emotionally unavailable men/ women characteristics are that they prefer to leave their partners alone to cool down by themselves.
They would even try to behave normally as if nothing ever went wrong.
11. They reflect your emotions
You need to pay heed to how much they express their mind. You will notice that mostly, they only mirror your emotions instead of sharing what they actually feel.
They might not always stick to the plan or care to be a part of the celebration or meetings. Most times, they will not even apologize. They will care more about their interests than restructuring the plan according to other people.
13. They don’t share the past with you
People who are emotionally unavailable try to keep away from you. They will not share a lot of information or details about their childhood or past relationships. They will choose to remain a closed book, no matter how hard you try.
What to do when your partner is emotionally unavailable?
So, how to become emotionally available?
If you have observed the signs of being emotionally unavailable in your partner, the next question that must be bothering you is why people are emotionally unavailable. And, how to deal with someone who is emotionally unavailable?
Well, there’s no point in ruminating over what causes someone to be emotionally unavailable because there’s no standard reason for it.
People try to escape the emotional clutches for many reasons like painful past, childhood trauma, or other behavioral issues.
So, if you observe any of these signs in your partner, don’t shy from seeking professional counseling from a licensed therapist or a counselor.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.