12 Reasons Why You Need to Build Friendship Before Relationship

By Dr LaWanda N Evans , Licensed Professional Counselor Licensed Professional Counselor

32.7k Reads

Updated: 1 Jul, 2020

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Let’s be friends! We’ve all heard it before.

Think back, do you remember hearing these words over and over and not knowing what to do and feeling frustrated, mad, and going through a hard time accepting it?

He wanted to be your friend, but for some reason, you twisted and turned it and did everything you could to try to convince him that being friends was not what you wanted and that you wanted a relationship. Take heart as it may not be another case of unrequited love. Developing friendship before the relationship is eventually a good thing for both of you.

We are often caught between what we want and the reality

After years of trying to convince him, you finally decided it was time to give up and walk away. Yet it took you a long time to let go.

Unfortunately, there are many women who have gone through this, wanting and desiring to be with someone who doesn’t want a relationship and only wanting to be friends or just be friends before dating. So is keeping friendship before relationship good or bad? Let’s find out.

So, what’s so bad about being friends?

Friendship is the first thing you need and very important when it comes to developing a relationship. Being friends gives you the opportunity to get to know the person for who he is and gives you the opportunity to learn things about him that you would not have learned otherwise.

When you jump into a relationship without being friends first, all types of issues and challenges occur. You begin to expect more from the person and sometimes set unrealistic expectations. By putting friendship before a relationship, you can easily decide whether he is the perfect one to date or not as there will be no pretensions and more open space to talk about things that matter.

Friends first then lovers

Why put so much pressure on someone because of your own expectations and desires? When you develop a genuine friendship, there are no expectations. You can be yourself, he can be himself. You can learn everything you want to know about each other. You don’t have to worry about pretending to be someone you’re not.

He can relax in knowing that he can be himself and not worry about if you’re going to ask about a relationship. Basically, you put the ball in his hands and you give him the opportunity to lead. Developing a bond of friendship before a relationship is definitely better than just letting attraction get the better of you and discovering later that you can’t even be good friends.

You can date other people

When it comes to friendship, there are no strings attached and you are free to date and see other people if you like. You’re not tied to him, you’re not obligated to him, and you don’t owe him any explanations for the decisions you make.

When you hear the words, let’s be friends, take it in your stride, and give him just that, give him friendship without expecting it to blossom to a relationship. You may find that being friends is for the best and that you don’t want to be in a relationship with him.

It’s better to find out during the friendship phase only that you don’t want a relationship, instead of finding out later, when you have connected emotionally to him. Being friends before lovers also ensures that the initial infatuation wears off.

You are able to see the other person for who they are and also present your real self to them, which is an excellent foundation for a long-term relationship. In any case, friendship in such a relationship is also important to keep the cogs turning.

Scarlett Johansson and Bill Murray did it (Lost In Translation), Uma Thurman and John Travolta did it (Pulp Fiction) and best of all Julia Roberts and Dermot Mulroney did it classic style (My Best Friend’s Wedding). Well, they all placed friendship before relationship and their platonic bond worked out just fine. And it can happen just that way in real life too. Only if building a friendship before a relationship is a priority for you.

Building a friendship before dating

Being friends before dating is never a bad idea as it means that there is nothing superficial about the relationship. In fact, the chances of having a successful relationship also go up if you are a friend first. But before forming a friendship before a serious relationship, you may have genuine confusion and questions like ‘how to be friends first before dating’ or ‘how long should you be friends before dating’. Well, it all depends on what your initial chemistry is like and how it develops as you get to know each other. For some, the transition from friends to lovers happens within months while others may take years.

So, the next time he says, let’s be friends, say okay, and remember this is an opportunity for you to get to know him without being emotionally tied. It’s not the end of the world to put friendship before the relationship. Though it’s not what you want or expect, there’s nothing wrong with being his friend and accepting that’s what he wants. Many times, being friends is the best option, although it sucks, and you feel horrible, being friends is not so bad.

Here are 12 reasons why accepting let’s be friends, is the best thing that could happen to you, because-

1. You get to know the real him and not who he pretends to be

2. You can be yourself

3. You don’t have to be accountable

4. You can date and get to know other people if you want

5. You can decide if being friends is better than being in a relationship with him

6. You don’t have to be under pressure to be yourself or be someone else

7. You don’t have to convince him to like you

8. You don’t have to convince him that you are the “One”

9.You don’t have to talk about entering a relationship with him

10. You don’t have to answer his calls or texts every time if you really can’t or don’t want to

11. You don’t have to obliged to communicate with him every day

12. You don’t have to convince him that you’re a good person

Putting friendship before a relationship gives you the opportunity to be free, free to be who you are, and free to choose to be in a relationship with him or not.

Hopefully, after reading this, you will realize that “Let’s Be Friends” is not such a bad statement, after all.

Dr. LaWanda N. Evans

VERIFIED EXPERT

LaWanda is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the owner of LNE Unlimited. She focuses on transforming the lives of women through counseling, coaching and speaking. She specializes in helping women overcome their unhealthy relationship patterns and provides them solutions for it.Dr. Evans has a unique counseling and coaching style that is known for helping her clients to get to the root of their problems.

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Dr LaWanda N Evans Licensed Professional Counselor

Dr. LaWanda N. Evans specializes in helping couples build and maintain a healthy, loving, lasting, strong relationship. She teaches couples how to communicate to be heard and understood, how to manage conflicts and find solutions to the most difficult problems affecting their relationship, using the Gottman Method Couples Therapy approach. She provides relationship counseling, education, and development that focuses on improving communication, managing conflicts, affair recover, and premarital counseling and education. Dr. Evans isa Licensed Professional Counselor Supervisor, Healthy Relationship Expert, Relationship Therapist, Speaker and Author.

(LaWanda N is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in Dallas)