Relationships aren’t always easy. They can create some of the most challenging situations you’ve ever had to deal with in your life. When you first got married, you thought your husband would be your knight in shining armor.
But, as time goes by, you’re starting to feel like your frog never really turned into that prince you were waiting for. Separating from your husband either permanently or on a trial basis creeps into your mind more and more.
Take a step back. In the heat of your frustration, separating from your husband seems like a dream come true, but is that what you want deep down? And, if yes, how to ask for a separation?
When you are thinking of separating from your husband, there are some big questions to consider before making it official. Here are some questions and concerns to address before considering separation and packing your bags.
How to tell your husband you want a separation
You have to talk it out when you are considering separation.
Don’t be the girl who takes off after separating from her husband, never to be heard from again. If you’re genuinely considering a separation from your husband, you need to give him the respect and the chance to fix things.
You can go about it by telling him how you’re feeling, and by telling your husband you want to separate without raising your temper.
Talk until you’re blue in the face. Everything about your separation needs to be worked out so that both parties are clear on what to expect from this new turn in your relationship.
So, how to ask for a separation? How to tell your husband you want a separation?
Asking for separation can be quite stressful. So, here are some questions to consider while figuring out how to tell your spouse you want to separate.
1. Are you separating with a view of getting back together?
What kind of separation are you considering from one another? This is one of the primary questions to ask about separation to yourself.
A trial separation indicates that you and your partner will both choose a timeline, such as two months, to separate from one another to assess whether or not you want to continue in the marriage.
A trial separation is done to rediscover your wants and needs, work on your problems without interference and frustrations, and assess whether or not you can truly live without one another.
An actual separation means you want to start living as singles again, with a view to divorce. It is essential not to lead your partner if the latter is your choice. If you want to end the relationship with a view to legal proceedings, you need to be honest about it.
2. What are the issues you have with one another?
This should be one of the main questions to ask before separating or while having the separation talk. Despite your issues, your relationship may have a lot of good qualities worth working on.
If you are thinking of separating from your husband, tell him what your problems are. Perhaps you argue about finances, family, past indiscretions, or the prospect of having children.
Lay your points bare in a non-accusatory way while discussing separation from your husband.
3. Will you remain in the same home?
Before you contemplate on how to ask for a separation, you should decide if you will still be living together during this time.
This is common in trial separations. If you do not remain in the same home, decide fairly, who should be the one to find a new living arrangement.
You need to have the answers to the following separation questions: Do you own your home, or do you rent? If you do divorce, will you sell the house? These are all critical questions to consider.
4. How will you remain united in order to parent your children?
Your thoughts on separation must include planning your children’s future. If you have children, it is imperative that they come first before you think over how to ask for a separation.
You may have differences with one another that makes you want to pull your hair out, but your children should not have to suffer more than necessary during your separation.
If your separation is a trial, you may consider staying in the same home in order to keep your marital issues private from young children. This will also avoid changing your children’s routine.
Decide together to remain a united front with respect to your children so that they do not view your parental decisions any differently than they did before your separation.
5. Will you be dating other people?
If your separation is a trial with a view to getting back together, it is not in your best interest to begin dating other people. However, if you want a legal separation from your husband, you need to come to terms with the fact that he may start dating again.
Often, couples separate feeling they have made the right decisions, only to discover their feelings have re emerged when seeing their partners with someone new.
It is therefore important to think over if you really want a separation rather than brooding over how to ask for a separation.
6. Are you going to continue being intimate with one another?
Keep in mind that it is unhealthy and confusing to both parties to continue sharing a physical bond with someone who you can no longer be with – especially if you are separating from the husband, and he doesn’t agree with the arrangement.
7. How will you split finances during your separation?
So long as you are still legally married, any large purchases made by either party will be considered marital debt. This calls several questions to mind when you are thinking of how to ask for a separation.
Watch this video to know if you really qualify for a divorce.
Separating from your husband is not easy
The reality of separating from your husband is much different than your fantasy may have been. Whether you’ve been together for three years or thirty years, separations are never easy.
But if you are experiencing constant infidelity or physical or emotional abuse at the hands of your husband, it should never be a question of whether you should separate.
For all other situations, it’s essential to keep your husband in the loop of what you plan on doing. It is fair to give him the chance to address your issues and concerns and possibly save your relationship.
So, how to ask for a separation?
If you feel your separation is inevitable, discuss how this will affect your family and be open and honest when doing so. Try to not get into the blame game, and discuss the matters in a dignified manner.
The process of separating from your husband will affect you a lot mentally, but this is just a phase in your life that needs to be managed well to avoid any damage to you and your partner’s lives.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.