Should you be sexually intimate during your separation, with your spouse?
If you are separated from your spouse, and you are on talking terms, we are pretty sure that this question or this challenge has popped up for you.
There are plenty of opinions that say you shouldn’t be sexually intimate with your spouse during your divorce at least because you are not really separating if you are going to get back together intimately.
It’s also difficult to achieve clarity on your feelings toward your marriage and your spouse if you are still connected with them intimately. However, knowing this doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s going to be easy to resist getting sexually intimate during your separation with your spouse.
Yet, in some situations getting sexually intimate during separation with your spouse might heal your relationship. So in this article, we decided to give you some pros and cons to consider concerning getting sexually intimate during your separation.
Benefits of getting sexually intimate during separation:
1. A chance to overcome the lack of intimacy during separation
Separation may have occurred because of a lack of intimacy.
You can now overcome and change the situation to your advantage.
If a lack of intimacy or closeness has been the cause of your divorce and you now have the opportunity to get sexually intimate during your separation with your spouse, then we say go for it. It might be the perfect opportunity to rekindle the fire that may have gone out.
But if you are going to do this, you will need to make some considerations, such as how will you feel if things don’t improve after you’ve been intimate, or if you or your spouse don’t feel like you want to get back together afterward.
We are not trying to kill the passion here, but there could be a lot of expectations lying on the outcome of your intimate activities with your spouse. If you can, it’s worth discussing these concerns with your spouse before getting intimate.
Try to be prepared for the possibility that getting sexually intimate during your separation might not repair the marriage. If you don’t feel as though you can handle the possible adverse outcomes of the situation, then it’s wise to stick to your boundaries and stay completely apart during your separation.
2. Positive hormones give a chance to strengthen the bond
Sex creates positive hormones that bond people together.
Oxytocin is released during sexual intimacy – through touching, kissing and in orgasms. Its powers lie in encouraging a sense of connection and bonding between two people. It’s also present during childbirth for that very reason.
So, if you are separating because you have a distance between you and your partner, getting sexually intimate during your separation releases Oxytocin (with the intention of increasing your bond and sense of closeness) which might just work out well for you.
3. Sexual intimacy during separation reduces tension
Getting sexually intimate during your separation reduces anxiety and stress.
Reduced anxiety and tension will ensure that you both might be able to achieve some clarity over what direction you would like to take the separation or your marriage.
It will also help you to find it easier to communicate together calmly and will reduce guilt over the separation.
If you are both treating each other fairly, then it is a crucial factor to consider if you are going to get sexually intimate during your separation, with your spouse.
3. Investment in lovemaking can make your partner fall in love again
Investing in lovemaking can make your spouse want to work on falling in love with you again.
People like to repeat things that they enjoy, and we’ve already covered the reasons why sexual intimacy will help your marriage.
But if you and your spouse can start to desire each other more, you’ll want to spend more time together, and loving sexual intimacy with your spouse will do just that.
So long as you were not just going through the motions of having ‘sex.’ What we are suggesting is that sexual intimacy during your separation could encourage you to fall back in love.
Drawbacks of getting sexually intimate during separation:
1. Intimate involvement with someone else
During a separation, your spouse might be involved intimately with someone else.
It’s easy to think that if your spouse is intimate with someone else, yet you get sexually intimate during your separation with your spouse too, then they are likely to choose you over their new sexual partner.
In this situation, it’s not wise to get down and dirty with your separated spouse. You’ll probably end up being hurt, or hurting your spouse. The only reason you should consider getting sexually intimate during your divorce is if both of you are committed to trying to rebuild a connection between you.
2. High-risk strategy
Getting sexually intimate during your separation with your spouse is a high-risk strategy for rebuilding your marriage. You are going to feel powerful emotions, including a sense of hope, loss, and love for your spouse.
The bonding hormones during sexual activity are all going to increase the desire you might have for getting back together.
This means that if you don’t, or can’t make your marriage work, you are going to experience grave disappointment and potentially prolong the inevitable. It’s a strategy that should only be considered if you both feel strong enough to handle it.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.