It’s a painful experience to file for divorce after many years of marriage. Knowing what to do next is usually tricky. However, ignoring spouse during divorce is the best decision.
Remember the day you got married? We bet it was one of the happiest days in your life. You never thought your union could end the way it did. Now that it has resulted in divorce, it’s understandable how horrible you feel. That might make you say, “My husband is ignoring me during our separation.” Or ask, “What is my husband thinking during separation?”
Your legal adviser may have given you the rule of no contact during a separation or advised you against communicating with your spouse during separation. But you may find it difficult. How can you even ignore someone you lived with for years?
You are probably asking yourself a series of questions like, “Should I contact my husband during our separation?” Or “What is my husband thinking during our separation?” You may even be thinking of how to reconnect with your husband during a separation or how to work on a marriage during separation.
Whichever question or thought comes to your mind, you are well in your right to have it. Divorce is ugly no matter how you spin it.
Even though ignoring your spouse during divorce might be your best bet at the moment, not communicating with your spouse during divorce might not be possible. No contact during separation is even more complicated when children are involved.
So, what are the dos and don’ts of ignoring your spouse during separation? Learn more in this article as it discusses the rules guiding the process of communicating with a spouse during separation.
Should I contact my husband during our separation? Yes, if there are important things to discuss. What if my wife won’t talk to me during separation?” All you need is to find ways to communicate.
Ignoring a spouse during a divorce is the most typical advice you’ll hear from your legal counsel. Why? That’s because communicating with your spouse during separation appears counterproductive.
Furthermore, another logic behind ignoring spouse during divorce is that it makes you reevaluate your life without your spouse. It gives you enough me-time to focus on your life without being around your spouse.
However, you need to be deliberate, strategic, and conscious when communicating with your spouse during separation. If you have children, a little communication won’t be wrong. After all, you will discuss the kids, their school activities, feeding, and general well-being. The discussion may be face-to-face in an open space, through text messages, phone calls, or social media platforms.
However, communicating with spouse during separation should be minimal. Ensure you only discuss topics related to the kids and other essential things. Don’t be tempted to ask about personal stuff – something you know might make you relive your memories together.
Indeed, this strategy seems very difficult to pull, but it will help you recover from your divorce as fast as possible. Otherwise, you will find yourself seeking how to reconnect with husband during separation.
Before you continue reading, you must be sure about your decision to get a divorce.
Some women often ask, “What is my husband thinking during separation?”
When a husband ignores wife, you may find it difficult to understand. The truth is men hardly speak out during the divorce process, but it’s not strange to hear statements like, ‘My spouse ignores me, or my wife won’t talk to me during separation; should I talk to her?’
Again, communicating with a spouse during separation isn’t harmful if there are important things to discuss. Some of the things that void the no contact during separation rule include possession of joint accounts, joint business ventures, and the involvement of children.
Besides, talking to you during separation might bring you to some realization about your union. It might help your cause on how to work on marriage during separation if you think there is a chance. It’s also a way of keeping hope during separation.
Remember, this is someone you cared so much about when you were together. You can still show you care while being conscious of your divorce decision. Nevertheless, it’s vital to look out for negative signs during separation to avoid confusion.
25 dos and don’ts of ignoring your spouse during separation
Whether you ignore your spouse during separation or stick strictly to the no contact during separation rule, the following dos and don’ts will help you make informed decisions you won’t regret.
1. Follow the no contact during separation rule
When ignoring your spouse during divorce, the first rule is to make no contact at the initial stage.
Communicating with spouse during separation or after filing for divorce can undermine the divorce process. As long as you discuss it with your spouse, you’ll find it challenging to break up with them.
Divorce can never be random, and if you have come to that stage, don’t forget something pushed you to it. However, constantly communicating with a spouse during separation might make you ignore some negative signs during separation.
Understandably, you are dealing with someone you thought to be your soulmate. You married, slept on the same bed for years, dined, and danced together. But now, you don’t get to see them or talk to them again like before. How do you suddenly stop doing all of these?
However, no contact during separation only applies for a month. After this phase, you can communicate with your spouse about important things. All you need is to be disciplined and endure the no contact rule.
2. You can talk during an emergency
Should I contact my husband during our separation? Or Should I call my husband during separation? Yes, if you find the divorce challenging to accept.
Ignoring your spouse during divorce helps, but one of the exceptions is during an emergency. Regardless of who initiated the divorce or the reason for the breakup, separation is always painful. Therefore, you need to be stable emotionally to handle what follows.
If you filed for divorce, know that your partner will have difficulty coping with the separation. They may reach out to you on how to work on marriage during a separation or convince you to get the help of a marriage counselor together.
Suppose you are sure of your decision; no need to back down. Let them know the separation is necessary considering the issues you experienced together.
However, some emergencies may warrant granting your spouse an audience. Some of these events include discussions about child support or shared finances.
The easiest way to reach anyone these days is through phone calls. While it looks harmless to pick up a call rather than seeing it face-to-face, it is best not to answer your spouse’s calls during separation.
Talking on the phone might make you start talking about your lives together before the breakup. That is enough to call off your decision and make it hard to finalize the divorce.
It’s normal if you want to see how they are faring, but you shouldn’t call. Remember why you or your spouse filed for divorce initially. Even if they text, delete it without even looking to avoid complicating the divorce process.
4. Don’t complicate the divorce with your actions
“My husband is ignoring me during our separation. What can I do?”
After filing for a divorce, every step or decision you make matters a lot. Therefore, you must avoid doing some things to provoke your spouse or jeopardize the divorce. Accept that this is a difficult phase in your life, and you have to endure it until it passes.
Your goal is to finalize the divorce process, and you must focus on that. Although you are no longer together and have every right to do what you want, your spouse’s feelings are still valid.
Dating a new person or flirting are some of the actions that might upset your partner. They will think that was your reason all along. All you need is perseverance and patience to pass through this stage.
5.Hang out with your mutual friends
Ignoring your spouse during separation doesn’t include cutting off the friends you have in common. Don’t make the friends you both have collateral damage as it’s not fair. Your life has to go on despite the divorce.
If you stop hanging out with these friends, you lose out on great connections and people who deeply care about you. Besides, this stage is when you need people to be there for you.
Although there are situations where you and your spouse will be invited to the same event, the trick here is to minimize the contact with your spouse and have fun. If you can’t cope, you can leave the event. Your friends will definitely understand.
6. Seek comfort from family members and friends
Aside from the friends you and your spouse have, it’s okay to find comfort in others. This is unarguably a difficult time in your life, and you will need all the help there is.
Some people will want to take advantage of your current situation. Friends and family members can be great assets here. They understand your feelings and will offer you the best help. Meanwhile, you should be picky on who to rely on.
7. Don’t talk to your friends about your divorce process or crashed marriage
In ignoring your spouse during separation, avoid the temptation of revealing your divorce or talking about your partner to others.
Discussing your marriage problems with mutual friends or other friends is dragging them into an uncomfortable situation. You are forcing them to choose, which may cause you to lose more friends.
8. Don’t involve your friends and family members
While you can seek comfort in your loved ones, it’s best not to involve them in your divorce. Understandably, these are people that love and care for you. Thus, they may want to get emotional and blame your spouse or confront your spouse. Nevertheless, inciting them will only make the divorce complicated and messy.
9. Respect your in-laws
Regardless of the reason for divorce, it is best to respect your in-laws. The divorce is only between you and your spouse; cutting ties with your in-laws or insulting them won’t make it better.
Don’t forget these people used to be your family members. However, if your in-laws don’t reciprocate the respect, you have a right to focus on the divorce.
10. Take care of yourself
One of the important things you can do for yourself when ignoring your spouse during separation is personal care. You don’t have to look like you’re in trouble. This phase is difficult and overwhelming, but you can’t let it weigh you down.
Look your best every time you step out, and people question if you are going through any divorce.
Being with someone for a long time can sometimes make you forget your personality. Now is the time to revert to who you are. Revisit your hobbies and reevaluate your life. Reconnect back to the things that matter most to you and enjoy them without holding back.
12. Don’t focus solely on ignoring your spouse during separation
Just because you have been advised to make no contact during separation doesn’t mean your life will remain still. Divert some energy into other things in your life, like your work. Not thinking about the need to ignore makes ignoring your spouse during separation easy.
13. Ignore your spouse on social media
Ignoring your spouse during a divorce isn’t restricted to face-to-face interaction. It includes social media as well. You may miss them, and glancing at a few pictures online looks harmless.
However, you only hurt yourself more. Block or unfollow them on any social platforms you have in common. Seeing their pictures is also a form of contact which might jeopardize your divorce.
14. Don’t share any personal details online
The trend these days is to jump online and announce what you are going through. If you are going through a divorce, it is best not to join the bandwagon to post your painful experience online to avoid revealing more than you wanted.
The truth is that most people online just want to be entertained; they care less about your experience.
15. Try to meditate
From the series of issues you had with your ex-spouse to the separation phase, you have gone through a lot. Now, it’s time to detox emotionally. This is where meditation comes into play. Meditation helps you relieve stress and enables you to think clearly. All you need is a quiet place to focus on your breath.
Even if you are keeping hope during your separation, you shouldn’t lock yourself indoors. Try to hang out more with friends or alone. Enjoy a fantastic evening alone, grant friends’ invites to parties, and associate with more people. That should help take your mind off the divorce.
17. Don’t drunk text your spouse
“Wife won’t talk to me during separation. Can I text her?” No. You shouldn’t text your spouse when you are sober or drunk.
Drinking sometimes gives you the confidence to try certain things, including defying the no-contact during separation rule. However, you may regret your decision later. If you are drinking to relax and forget your problems, you should keep your phone with someone else.
18. Meet new people
The people you know as a married person were probably due to your status. Now that you are getting a divorce, it’s possible that you won’t see most of them like before.
This stage is where you need new friends or new phases. So, do that without hesitation. When you go to the mall, be social and friendly. Increase your circle of friends and learn from others’ lifestyles.
19. Learn something new
Another thing you can do during your divorce process is learn something new. These may include a new language, sport, tailoring, cooking, etc. It doesn’t matter what you do. Ensure that the skill adds value to your life.
20. Exercise more
Exercise is generally known to keep you healthy and decrease your chance of contracting diseases. But you know what else exercise can do for you? It can improve your mental health and mood.
You don’t have to engage in strenuous exercises. Swimming, walking, or running is enough to maintain stable well-being.
21. Don’t jump into another relationship
A new relationship usually comes with sparks and lovely moments, but you need to pause. What you need at this stage isn’t a new relationship. It won’t erase the emotional turmoil you just experienced.
Instead, it cloaks you from seeing the reality in front of you. Therefore, chill and allow yourself to heal from the divorce process before opening your heart to another person.
Many couples make a mistake during separation by talking about each other unpleasantly. If you feel like doing this, don’t. Remember, you were once lovers who thought you wouldn’t leave each other’s side. Since your union resulted in divorce, it’s best to accept your fate and move on.
Besides, painting your spouse in a bad light will make you more bitter and distracted. Focus on the divorce and move on as quickly as possible.
23. Treat them nicely
Ignoring your spouse during your divorce doesn’t translate to being rude. Maybe they don’t deserve your kindness or good gesture after filing for a divorce, but you need to act maturely. One subtle way to do that is to treat them nicely when you see them.
Greet them when you run into them on the street and respect them at parties. Your goal is to finalize the divorce as soon as possible and nothing more.
24. Don’t rush the divorce process
Indeed, moving on from your separation quickly is more paramount than anything, but you need to take it slowly. Understand that divorce means you will no longer be married to your partner. Such an experience isn’t easy, so take your time to think it through.
25. Forgive yourself
Sometimes, a part of you might feel you contributed mainly to the divorce. Whatever you did to cause it, ensure you forgive yourself. You are as human as anybody, which makes you full of flaws.
Forgive yourself and learn from your mistakes. As James Blunt said in his song, When I find love again, “I will be a better man when I find love again.”
Is it a good idea to ignore your spouse during separation?
Sometimes, ignoring your spouse during separation might help you get them back. By not making yourself available, they are likely to miss you more and see your importance in their life.
Nonetheless, there is no guarantee that your spouse will return to you. While you focus on how to work on marriage during separation, you should keep your eyes open to negative signs during separation.
The bottom line
Undoubtedly, divorce is an unpleasant experience in couples’ lives. It’s difficult to accept that your once soulmate will now be a stranger. But life is quite unpredictable and not in black and white.
Ignoring your spouse during separation will not be easy. You may consult a marriage counselor to help you pull through this phase. However, the dos and don’ts in this article will make the process a walk in the park for you.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.