27 Dos and Don’ts of Ignoring Your Spouse During Separation

It’s a painful experience to file for divorce after many years of marriage. Knowing what to do next is usually tricky. However, ignoring your spouse during divorce is the best decision.

Remember the day you got married? We bet it was one of the happiest days in your life. You never thought your union could end the way it did. Now that it has resulted in divorce, it’s understandable how horrible you feel. 

That might make you say, “My husband is ignoring me during our separation.” Or perhaps you ask, “What is my husband thinking during separation?”

Your legal adviser may have given you the rule of no contact during a separation or advised you against communicating with your spouse during the divorce process. But you may find it difficult. How can you even ignore someone you lived with for years?

You are probably asking yourself a series of questions like, “Should I contact my husband during our separation?” Or, “What is my husband thinking during our separation?” You may thinking of how to reconnect with your husband during a separation or how to work on a marriage during this time

Whichever question or thought comes to your mind, you are well within your right to have it. Divorce is ugly, no matter how you spin it.

Even though ignoring your spouse during divorce might be your best bet at the moment, not communicating with your spouse during divorce might not be possible. No contact during separation is even more complicated when children are involved.

So, what are the dos and don’ts of ignoring your spouse during separation? Learn more in this article as it discusses the rules guiding the process of communicating with a spouse during separation.

How do you communicate during separation?

Should I contact my husband during our separation? Yes, if there are important things to discuss. What if my wife won’t talk to me during separation?” All you need is to find healthy ways to communicate.

Ignoring a spouse during a divorce is the most typical advice you’ll hear from your legal counsel. Why? That’s because communicating with your spouse during separation often proves counterproductive.

Furthermore, another piece of logic behind ignoring a spouse during divorce is that it makes you reevaluate your life without your spouse. It gives you enough time to focus on your life without being around your spouse. 

However, you need to be deliberate, strategic, and conscious when communicating with your spouse during separation. If you have children, a little communication won’t be wrong. After all, you will discuss the kids, their school activities, feeding, and general well-being. 

The discussion may be face-to-face in an open space, through text messages, phone calls, or social media platforms.

However, communicating with your spouse during separation should be minimal. Ensure you only discuss topics related to the kids and other essential things. Don’t be tempted to ask about personal stuff – something you know might make you relive your memories together.

Indeed, this strategy seems very difficult to pull, but it will help you recover from your divorce as fast as possible. Otherwise, you will find yourself seeking how to reconnect with your husband during separation.

Before you continue reading, you must be sure about your decision to get a divorce.

Should I talk to my wife or husband during the separation?

Some people often ask, “What is my husband thinking during separation?”

When a husband ignores his wife, you may find it difficult to understand. 

The truth is certain men may hardly speak out during the divorce process, but it’s not strange to hear statements like, ‘My spouse ignores me,’ or, ‘My wife won’t talk to me during separation; should I talk to her?’ 

Again, communicating with a spouse during separation isn’t harmful if there are important things to discuss. Some of the things that void the no contact during separation rule include possession of joint accounts, joint business ventures, and the involvement of children.

Besides, talking to your former spouse during separation might bring you to some realization about your union. It might help your cause if you think there is a chance of saving the marriage. It’s also a way of keeping hope during separation.

Remember, this is someone you cared so much about when you were together. You can still show you care while being conscious of your divorce decision. Nevertheless, it’s vital to look out for negative signs during separation to avoid confusion.

27 dos and don’ts of ignoring your spouse during separation

Whether you ignore your spouse during separation or stick strictly to the no contact during separation rule, the following dos and don’ts will help you make informed decisions you won’t regret.

1. Follow the no contact during separation rule 

When ignoring your spouse during divorce, the first rule is to make no contact at the initial stage. 

Communicating with a spouse during separation or after filing for divorce can undermine the divorce process. As long as you discuss it with your spouse, you’ll find it challenging to break up with them.

Divorce can never be random, and if you have come to that stage, don’t forget something pushed you to it. However, constantly communicating with a spouse during separation might make you ignore some negative signs during separation.

Understandably, you are dealing with someone you thought to be your soulmate. You married, slept in the same bed for years, dined, and danced together. But now, you don’t get to see them or talk to them again like before. How do you suddenly stop doing all of these things together?

However, no contact during separation only applies for a month. After this phase, you can communicate with your spouse about important things. All you need is to be disciplined and endure the no-contact rule.

According to Dr. Jennifer Jacobsen, a professor of human behavior, 

When you’re ending a relationship with a person who has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), no contact can be essential. Any time you make contact with a person with NPD, they will try to bring you back into their world. 

They may even pretend to be remorseful for their behavior, but it’s just a ploy to get you back under their control.

2. You can talk during an emergency

It’s not unusual to wonder, “Should I contact my husband during our separation?” Do you find yourself asking,  “Should I call my husband during separation?” Yes, if you find that an emergency has come up. 

Ignoring your spouse during divorce helps, but one of the exceptions is during an emergency. Regardless of who initiated the divorce or the reason for the breakup, separation is always painful. Therefore, you need to be stable emotionally to handle what follows. 

If you filed for divorce, know that your partner will have difficulty coping with the separation. They may reach out to you to discuss how to work on marriage during a separation or convince you to get the help of a marriage counselor.

Suppose you are sure of your decision; no need to back down now. Let them know the separation is necessary considering the issues you experienced together. 

However, some emergencies may warrant granting your spouse an audience. Some of these events include discussions about child support or shared finances.

3. Don’t answer the phone call

The easiest way to reach anyone these days is through phone calls. While it looks harmless to pick up a call rather than seeing them face-to-face, it is best not to answer your spouse’s calls during separation.

Talking on the phone might make you start talking about your lives together before the breakup. That is enough to call off your decision and make it hard to finalize the divorce.

It’s normal if you want to see how they are faring, but you shouldn’t call. Remember why you or your spouse filed for divorce initially. Even if they text, delete it without even looking to avoid complicating the divorce process.

4. Don’t complicate the divorce with your actions

“My husband is ignoring me during our separation. What can I do?”

After filing for a divorce, every step or decision you make matters a lot. Therefore, you must avoid doing anything to provoke your spouse or jeopardize the divorce. Accept that this is a difficult phase in your life, and you have to endure it until it passes.

Your goal is to finalize the divorce process, and you must focus on that. Although you are no longer together and have every right to do what you want, your spouse’s feelings are still valid. 

Dating a new person or flirting are some of the actions that might upset your partner. They will think that was your reason for divorce all along. All you need is perseverance and patience to pass through this stage.

5. Hang out with your mutual friends

Ignoring your spouse during separation doesn’t include cutting off the friends you have in common. Don’t make friends you both have collateral damage as it’s not fair. Your life has to go on despite the divorce.

If you stop hanging out with these friends, you lose out on great connections and people who deeply care about you. Besides, this stage is when you need people to be there for you.

Although there are situations where you and your spouse will be invited to the same event, the trick here is to minimize contact with your spouse and have fun. If you can’t cope, you can leave the event. Your friends will definitely understand.

6. Seek comfort from family members and friends

Aside from the friends you and your spouse have, it’s okay to find comfort in others. This is unarguably a difficult time in your life, and you will need all the help there is.

Some people will want to take advantage of your current situation. Friends and family members can be great assets here. They understand your feelings and will offer you the best help. Meanwhile, you should be picky about who to rely on.

7. Don’t talk to your friends about your divorce process or crashed marriage

In ignoring your spouse during separation, avoid the temptation of revealing your divorce or talking about your partner to others.

Discussing your marriage problems with mutual friends or other friends is dragging them into an uncomfortable situation. You are forcing them to choose, which may cause you to lose more friends.

8. Don’t involve your friends and family members

While you can seek comfort in your loved ones, it’s best not to involve them in your divorce. Understandably, these are people that love and care for you. 

Thus, they may want to get emotional and blame your spouse or confront your spouse. Nevertheless, inciting them will only make the divorce complicated and messy.

9. Respect your in-laws

Regardless of the reason for divorce, it is best to respect your in-laws. The divorce is only between you and your spouse; cutting ties with your in-laws or insulting them won’t make it better. 

Don’t forget these people used to be your family members. However, if your in-laws don’t reciprocate the respect, you have a right to focus on the divorce and cut ties with them if needed.

10. Take care of yourself

One of the most important things you can do for yourself when ignoring your spouse during separation is personal care. You don’t have to look like you’re in trouble. This phase is difficult and overwhelming, but you can’t let it weigh you down. 

Look your best every time you step out, and you’ll make people question if you are actually going through any divorce.

11. Make the best of your me-time

Being with someone for a long time can sometimes make you forget your personality. Now is the time to revert back to who you are. Revisit your hobbies and reevaluate your life. Reconnect back to the things that matter most to you and enjoy them without holding back.

12. Don’t focus solely on ignoring your spouse during separation

Just because you have been advised to make no contact during separation doesn’t mean your life will remain still. Divert some energy into other things in your life, like your work. Not thinking about the need to ignore makes ignoring your spouse during separation easy.

13. Ignore your spouse on social media

Ignoring your spouse during a divorce isn’t restricted to face-to-face interaction. It includes social media as well. You may miss them, and glancing at a few pictures online seems harmless.

However, you will only hurt yourself more by doing this. Block or unfollow them on any social platforms you have in common. Seeing their pictures is also a form of contact that might jeopardize your divorce.

14. Don’t share any personal details online

The trend these days is to jump online and announce what you are going through. If you are going through a divorce, it is best not to join the bandwagon to post your painful experience online. If you do post about the divorce, you’ll end up revealing more than you wanted. 

The truth is that most people online just want to be entertained; they care less about your actual experience or feelings.

15. Try to meditate

From the series of issues you had with your ex-spouse to the separation phase, you have gone through a lot. Now, it’s time to detox emotionally. 

This is where meditation comes into play. Meditation helps you relieve stress and enables you to think clearly. All you need is a quiet place to focus on your breath.

Learn how to meditate correctly in this video:

16. Hang out often

Even if you are keeping hope during your separation, you shouldn’t lock yourself indoors. Try to hang out more with friends or alone. Enjoy a fantastic evening alone, accept friends’ invites to parties, and associate with more people. That should help take your mind off the divorce.

17. Don’t drunk text your spouse

“Wife won’t talk to me during separation. Can I text her?” No. You shouldn’t text your spouse when you are sober or drunk.

Drinking sometimes gives you the confidence to try certain things, including defying the no-contact during the separation rule. However, you may regret your decision later. If you are drinking to relax and forget your problems, you should keep your phone with someone else.

18. Meet new people

The people you knew as a married person were probably due to your status. Now that you are getting a divorce, it’s possible that you won’t see most of them like before. 

This stage is where you need new friends or new interests. So, do that without hesitation. When you go to the mall, be social and friendly. Increase your circle of friends and learn from others’ lifestyles.

19. Learn something new

Another thing you can do during your divorce process is learn something new. This may include a new language, sport, tailoring, cooking, etc. It doesn’t matter what you do. Ensure that the skill adds value to your life.

20. Exercise more

Exercise is generally known to keep you healthy and decrease your chance of contracting diseases. But you know what else exercise can do for you? It can improve your mental health and mood. 

You don’t have to engage in strenuous exercises. Swimming, walking, or running is enough to maintain well-being.

21. Don’t jump into another relationship

A new relationship usually comes with sparks and lovely moments, but you need to pause. What you need at this stage isn’t a new relationship. It won’t erase the emotional turmoil you just experienced. 

Instead, it cloaks you from seeing the reality in front of you. Therefore, chill and allow yourself to heal from the divorce process before opening your heart to another person.

22. Don’t trash-talk them

Many couples make a mistake during separation by talking about each other unpleasantly. If you feel like doing this, don’t. Remember, you were once lovers who thought you wouldn’t leave each other’s side. Since your union resulted in divorce, it’s best to accept your fate and move on. 

Besides, painting your spouse in a bad light will make you more bitter and distracted. Focus on the divorce and move on as quickly as possible.

Learn the reason why an ex might talk bitterly after a breakup in this insightful video:

23. Treat them nicely

Ignoring your spouse during your divorce doesn’t translate to being rude. Maybe they don’t deserve your kindness or good gesture after filing for a divorce, but you need to act maturely. One subtle way to do that is to treat them nicely when you see them. 

Greet them when you run into them on the street and respect them at parties. Your goal is to finalize the divorce as soon as possible and nothing more.

24. Don’t rush the divorce process

Indeed, moving on from your separation quickly is more paramount than anything, but you need to take it slowly. Understand that divorce means you will no longer be married to your partner. Such an experience isn’t easy, so take your time to think it through. 

25. Forgive yourself

Sometimes, a part of you might feel you contributed mainly to the divorce. Whatever you did to cause it, ensure you forgive yourself. You are as human as anybody, which makes you full of flaws. 

Forgive yourself and learn from your mistakes. As James Blunt said in his song, When I find love again, “I will be a better man when I find love again.”

26. Focus on constructive communication

Engaging in constructive conversations during separation is vital for communicating with spouse during separation. It’s about finding a balance between maintaining necessary contact and giving each other space. 

Communicating with your spouse during separation, especially about logistics or if you’re exploring how to work on a marriage during separation, should be done thoughtfully and respectfully. Aim for clarity and kindness in your interactions to prevent misunderstandings and additional stress.

27. Set boundaries for personal growth

Establishing clear boundaries is crucial for personal growth and healing during separation. It’s important to define what you’re comfortable with in terms of interacting and sharing personal space or information. 

Setting these boundaries can help you focus on your own well-being and work on rebuilding your individual identity, laying a foundation for healthier dynamics, whether you reunite or move on.

Is it a good idea to ignore your spouse during the separation to get them back?

Sometimes, ignoring your spouse during separation might help you get them back. By not making yourself available, they will likely miss you more and may come to see your importance in their life.

Nonetheless, there is no guarantee that your spouse will return to you. While you focus on how to work on marriage during separation, you should keep in mind the problems that led to your divorce. If it’s really over, ignoring your spouse can help you to move on. 

In general, keeping to yourself and avoiding reaching out to your spouse is the best option. Playing mind games in such a situation can simply add to your and your spouse’s problems.

FAQs 

Separation can be a complex and emotional period for both partners, raising many questions about how to navigate communication and personal boundaries. Here are some answers to frequently asked questions that might help guide you through this challenging time.

• Should I block my spouse during separation?

Blocking your spouse during separation might be tempting, especially to avoid confrontation. However, it’s crucial to consider long-term implications. If there’s a chance for reconciliation or a need for practical communication, maintaining open lines might be more beneficial.

• Should I stop talking to my wife during separation?

Completely stopping communication with your wife during separation might not be necessary or helpful, especially if you have children or shared responsibilities. Effective and respectful communication can aid in understanding, healing, and deciding the future of your relationship.

• Can separation hurt a marriage?

Separation can strain a marriage, especially if not handled with care and clear communication. However, it can also provide space for personal growth and reflection, potentially leading to a stronger bond if both partners are committed to addressing underlying issues.

For new beginnings

Divorce marks a profoundly challenging chapter in anyone’s life, transforming a once intimate partner into someone you may no longer recognize. Life’s complexity defies simple categorization, full of unexpected turns and shades of gray.

The journey of distancing oneself from a spouse during separation is seldom straightforward. Seeking guidance from a marriage counselor can be a valuable step in navigating this tumultuous time. 

The practical advice outlined in this guide aims to ease the transition, offering a roadmap through the intricacies of separation with compassion and understanding.

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Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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