10 Reasons Marriage Is Hard Work, but Worth It

A 2021 survey from The Knot estimated a boom in weddings in the US in 2022. It is predicted to surpass the most number of weddings that happened in 1984. This is good news since many couples realize that marriage is hard work once they have exchanged their vows.

This will also benefit many businesses since the past years have seen a record number of wedding postponements, cancellations, and the preference for online nuptials. 

Despite the survey’s positive outlook, many people would still agree that marriage is tough. In contrast, others, especially the older couples, will counter that by saying marriage is hard but worth it.

What makes marriage hard? This article will look into the highs and lows of married couples‘ lives after tying the knot.

Is marriage always hard work?

If you’re wondering why marriage is hard, you have either “been there, done that,” or you have seen a lot of married couples breaking up.

Is marriage supposed to be hard? Nobody enters any venture, including marriage, thinking it will be difficult. But everybody accepts that marriage takes work before committing to it.

Is it really always hard work? You must not look at it this way, especially in the beginning. You must give yourself time to enjoy what you’ve gotten into. If you are pessimistic about it and often think that marriage is hard work from the beginning, you will find it hard to be more optimistic about where things could be heading.

Enjoy the process, and discover something new about your partner through the days. You have to know each other deeper, especially now that you have to live together for as long as you’re married.

It is normal to experience difficulties but never let them get in the way of a blossoming romance. You must not compare your relationship with others by asking – is marriage hard for everyone. Each relationship is unique. You can’t gauge the state of your marriage by analyzing other people’s relationships.

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, highlights,

10 reasons why marriage is hard work

Why do a lot of people say marriage is hard work? Here’s a look at the top reasons why marriage is hard. 

The list does not aim to discourage you from taking the plunge. Instead, it hopes to open your eyes that marriage is a work in progress. It will only get better if you will stop asking – is getting married worth it? But instead, prove that it is.

Related Reading: Why are Modern Marriages Complicated?

1. Losing the spark

Marriage is work – of two people to ensure they will continue loving each other even after years of marriage. Is marriage hard? It is. But it will be harder to keep everything together once you have lost the spark or the connection that binds you from the start.

It’s okay to drift apart every once in a while. That’s life. But you must not allow this phase to continue for so long until you completely lose the love and decide to formally end it all.

List the answers to – is getting married worth it. Begin picking up the pieces, and seek counseling with your partner to try and rebuild the connection and hopefully bring back the spark.

Related Reading: How to Keep the Spark in Long-Term Relationships: 6 Tips

2. Incompatibility in bed

Is being married worth it when your partner can’t keep up with your sex drive or vice versa? No matter how you look at it, sex is an important part of every marriage. 

You may have different sex drives, the other wanting it more often than the other, but you can talk it out. If not, and it is already causing the two of you to drift apart, seek counseling to know what to do and how to fix things while you still can.

3. Depression

This is among the top reasons why couples go into counseling. You will never know the face of depression until it hits you or your partner, and in some cases, both people involved in the relationship. 

Depression makes it harder to go forward each day. How much more can one think about saving the marriage if they feel like they can’t save themselves? 

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, states,

You can both take this chance to be there for each other, understand the disease, and be each other’s strength, especially when life feels dragging. 

Related Reading: How to Deal With Depression in a Relationship

4. Withholding emotions or satisfaction as a punishment

As marriage is hard, some people involved in the relationship make it even harder when they are hurt. Instead of opening up or confronting whatever issues they have with their partner, they tend to feel they have to take their revenge in one way or another. 

They punish their partner by withholding what they yearn for. It can be attention, love, sex, or all. You both have to work things through and find ways to express your anger or pain better.

5. Trauma

When married people go through traumatic experiences together, it becomes harder for them to stay together. Often, they find ways to cope, not together but apart. 

These traumatic experiences that can break the relationship, if you will allow, include serious injuries, loss of a child, illness, abuse, and death.

If you love each other, you will hold on to that feeling as you both try to get past the effects of the trauma you have gone through. It should not be the end of the marriage. You only have to accept that life is not perfect, but at least you have someone to share its imperfections with.

6. Experiencing big changes

There are times when married people feel the pressure when something big is about to happen in their relationship. Instead of rejoicing, they fear what’s about to come to the point of making the marriage harder than it already is.

These changes can be a partner getting a new job, buying a home, starting a family, and more. You have to work together to accept the changes and be excited together, terrified together, even angry together. Everything will work out well as long as you share your feelings, the journey, and the adoption of the changes as partners.

Related Reading: How to Deal with Changes After Marriage

7. Needing improvement

Despite being married, both of you still need to grow as individuals. You must not hinder your progress or growth simply because you’re married. You also have to support each other and cheer each one to improve and grow.

8. Lack of trust

One of the top reasons why marriage is hard work is because you both have to work on building trust and ensuring that it won’t be broken. Broken trust is hard to mend. Many people find it hard to trust again once someone has broken it, especially when that someone is your partner. 

Some people seemingly accept their partner quickly after they have broken their trust. But if you ignore the problem as if it did not happen, there will come a time when you will remember everything and feel broken again. It can happen even years after you’ve experienced your partner breaking your trust for whatever reason. 

In this case, it would help a lot to go into counseling. You both have to understand where the hurt is coming from. You both have to confront the issue before you can begin rebuilding whatever’s broken and forgetting the pains that come with it.

Related Reading: 5 Key Reasons for the Lack of Trust in Your Relationship

9. Trouble with the children

You will begin asking more often – is getting married worth it when you’re having trouble with your kids. Marriage becomes more tasking when kids are involved, especially when you have more than one. 

As parents, your kids’ troubles become yours. And when they get in trouble a lot, you begin to question where you went wrong. It becomes harder when you or your partner begins distancing yourself from the trouble, the kids, and the family. 

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, says,

Kids, no matter how difficult they seem, must be understood and guided. You have to do it together as husband and wife. If not, it will cause a strain in the marriage until both of you find it difficult to patch things up.

10. Communication issues

It is possible to suddenly face communication problems once you’re married despite not having any issues with it before tying the knot. Marriage entails a lot of responsibilities. It is possible to get overwhelmed with too many tasks to do, too many things to consider, and too many problems to face all at once.

When things become too much and talking often leads to arguments, this is when couples start keeping their emotions and thoughts to themselves. They keep quiet. They stop communication with their partner. 

Not talking is a bigger problem in marriage than constantly arguing. This is not to say that the latter is healthy, but still, it gives way for partners to let out their frustrations or whatever’s bothering them.

When they no longer speak to one another, things become more complicated. It becomes harder to make decisions that they should do together, such as budgeting, work, parenting, and more. When you are no longer talking, you also stop being affectionate with one another. If you will not do something about this problem earlier on, it is possible to go separate ways even when you feel like the love is still there.

In the video below, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu discuss such matters and more as they explore ways to identify patterns of negative behavior in your relationship and how to fix them for good so that you can communicate together in a healthy way:

Marriage is hard, but rewarding: How!

Is getting married worth it? While marriage is hard work, it is also pretty rewarding. According to studies, a good marriage has positive effects on your health.

Here’s a look at the reasons why marriage is worth it despite the struggles:

• It’s good for the heart

A good marriage can help keep your blood pressure levels healthy. However, you will experience the opposite when you have a bad marriage. According to experts, keeping your distance from your spouse when you are experiencing difficulties in the union is recommended. It may not be healthy for the two of you to stay close while you hate one another.

Studies have shown that people in a bad marriage have thicker heart walls. This equates to higher blood pressure. On the other hand, people who are experiencing bliss in their marriage have thinner heart walls.

This is why resolving the issues in your married life early on is important. Never let it go on for an extended period because both of you will suffer not only emotionally, but it will also affect your health, especially your heart.

• It lowers your risk of diabetes

A happy married life makes you less vulnerable to suffering from diabetes, according to studies. Stress makes people do drastic things, including stress eating and binging on sweets.

By keeping a happy and peaceful marriage, you won’t need to resort to food to feel satisfied. You don’t have to binge to pacify your anger or frustrations. This way, you won’t have a high risk of diabetes and other health concerns related to overeating unhealthy foods.

• It boosts your physical health

When you’re happy, it shows in your physical form. You follow a healthy lifestyle, eat the right foods, and find time to exercise. All of these will result in fewer infections, resistance to diseases, and a reduced risk of dying from major killers, such as heart problems and cancer.

Wrapping up

Marriage is hard work, and it is a work in progress. No matter how hard it seems to pull the strings together, you must find ways to make it work. Know where the problems are coming from and talk it out.

You have to make things easier for you and your spouse. Avoid resorting to silent treatment no matter how big your problem is. You may experience hardships in the marriage, but as long as you do things together to make it work and ensure that the relationship won’t easily fall apart, you will both realize in the end that it’s all worth it.

Whenever you feel like giving up, it’s okay to pause. It will also help to ask your partner to go to counseling together.

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When you and your partner talk about something important…

We listen with care — even hard talks feel safe and productive

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Our discussions sometimes spiral or end unresolved

It’s hard to feel close because our physical intimacy hasn’t felt strong lately

We often see things differently about goals or priorities

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