Do you feel stressed that your marriage is not working?
Are you unhappy that your relationship with your spouse is always hostile and aggressive?
The fact is that most modern marriages have become very complicated. Most couples seem ready to fight it out with their spouse than take efforts to make their marriage work. No wonder then that divorce is becoming more and more common.
Does all this imply that marriages in the olden days were less complicated and worked better? In a way, yes. Take my case for example. I have been married for 18 years and divorce never entered our thoughts even once. Of course, my husband and I had our share or conflicts but our marriage was devoid of bitterness. Fights never lasted more than a day and we worked hard to sweeten our relationship with loads of love, care and attention. So why can’t modern marriages be like that too?
Most relationships lack tolerance and compatibility these days making the marriage very complicated and aggressive. Here are some things to be mindful about.
According to a Money Magazine survey, couples fight about money twice as much as they fight about sex. Money puts a huge strain on a relationship. It is important to understand your partner’s money mindset (are they a hoarder, spender, money monk, avoider, or amasser). It also helps to be in sync with your spouse to ensure that your financial expectations and priorities are the same. Be mindful of the fact that you must never keep financial secrets from your spouse. Have honest conversations about things related to monthly expenditure and budgets. Watch your own expectations and if you feel that you need help handling money matters, then seek ‘financial therapy’’ a burgeoning field dedicated specifically to helping couples navigate financial turmoil.
Intolerance is a common facet of most modern marriages today. Minor faults are escalated and made into a huge deal. It is important to be open to the idea of making adjustments if you want your marriage to work – and this should be done by both partners. Nurturing your marriage with lots of care, love and patience can remedy your reactions of anger and discomfort.
When someone gets into a marriage, having set all sorts of unrealistic expectations, they’re surely in for a rude shock. It’s important to know that marriage isn’t a cure for loneliness and boredom, it isn’t a rowdy sex romp or an easy transition, for that matter. It is hard work and demands a lot of love and nurturing. Stop thinking that your partner is responsible for your happiness; make sure you are both expecting the right things out of the marriage.
Working on yourself to become more understanding towards your spouse’s feelings and perspective plays a big role in the success of your marriage. Respect is another factor. Always be respectful towards the other and never let yourself drift away from your spouse mentally or physically. Practice empathy as much as possible.
Taking each other for granted
Make time to look good and make time to cook her a meal or take her out for a movie. Thinking that it’s okay to let go of these things after 8 years of marriage is not okay! Showing appreciation for one another, telling them how much you still love them and listening to their concerns after a hard day of work can really positively impact a marriage. Interact with each other and make your marriage interesting. Remember, you’re in control here!
Marriage is a beautiful relationship only when it is nurtured with love and care. Do not complicate your married life and lose your happiness. Embed love and care into it to make it worthwhile and meaningful.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.