How to Detach From Someone Emotionally: 17 Proven Tips

When you have been with a romantic partner for a while, it is only natural that you may begin developing deep feelings for them. At this juncture, you may prioritize their happiness and satisfaction, want to be with them, and even find yourself desiring a future with them.

While these feelings are thrilling, one of the biggest nightmares many can face is getting to a point where it feels like a one-way relationship.

Here, the relationship can feel strained and toxic. Although it may hurt you deeply, you would need to learn how to detach from someone you love for your health and mental sanity.

The reason for this is simple. If you do not figure out how to emotionally detach yourself from that person you love, you can find yourself pining over what could have been a mental and physical state that isn’t healthy for anyone.

At this point, it is necessary to state that this post aims not to teach you how to become obnoxious or cold-shouldered toward your partner.

However, this post is meant to provide you with strategies and close-kept tips on guarding your heart and emotions, as it becomes obvious that you may need to put some emotional/physical distance between yourself and your partner (or an ex-partner).

Try your best to use the information contained in this post when you believe the time is right.  

What does it mean to detach yourself from someone emotionally?

The term “emotional detachment” has been primarily used in its negative light. In this context, emotional detachment implies being cold-shouldered and distant from someone. It has been used in different relationship scenarios like parent-children relationships and vice versa, relationships between friends, and relationships between corporate colleagues.

However, it is necessary to ask ourselves if there’s any other side to the equation. This could help set the pace for the conversation we would be having in this article. For the sake of this article, we will be examining “What is emotional detachment?” in light of romantic relationships.

Hence, emotional detachment in relationships is a process through which you disconnect yourself from a romantic partner on an emotional level. Usually, this is carried out as an act of self-defense, especially when you begin to notice a downward spiral in the relationship (for several relationships).

In case you may be wondering if this is even a thing, NCADV discusses that intimate partner abuse is a significant problem. Statistics reveal that 1 out of every 3 women and 1 out of every 4 men have faced physical violence from an intimate partner.

Why is emotional detachment essential?

Learning how to detach from someone can be a challenging task. However, the rewards are far-reaching because when applied well, this skill can help you protect your heart/affections and can also help you walk away from a toxic relationship before things go south.

As per Psychologist and Coach Silvana Mici,

Emotional detachment can be important as it allows individuals to create healthy boundaries, fostering a sense of self-preservation and protection against emotional exhaustion. Learning to detach emotionally can also enable individuals to navigate challenging situations with greater objectivity and resilience, promoting overall mental well-being.

In addition, understanding emotional detachment in relationships can help you know exactly what this looks like. When equipped with the correct information, you can understand what to be on the lookout for regarding your relationship with your partner.

With this, you can tell when the connection is worth fighting for and when you should simply cut your losses. Lastly, staying back in a toxic relationship with a partner who doesn’t prioritize you could, more often than not, cause untold emotional and psychological harm to you.

With these points out, let us quickly examine why you need to emotionally detach yourself from someone you love once the need arises.

5 reasons why you need to detach yourself from a romantic partner emotionally

Emotional detachment from a romantic partner can be a challenging but necessary step in maintaining a healthy relationship and individual well-being. It doesn’t mean disconnecting entirely but finding a balance between togetherness and independence.

Knowing how to emotionally detach yourself from someone you love when the need arises is necessary, and here are the reasons why you should consider emotional detachment:

1. You may not be able to love yourself (again) truly  

One of the things that happen when you are in a toxic relationship is that the anger, bitterness, resentment, and other negative emotions you feel (at some point) may begin to cloud your sense of judgment/self-esteem.

If you do not take specific steps to get out of the relationship in one piece, you may start resenting yourself and turning your anger inward.

One of the fundamental steps toward healing is to become emotionally detached from your toxic partner. Doing this will take power away from them, and this will, in turn, help you to begin your journey toward self-love and improved esteem.

2. Emotional detachment will teach you how to be independent

When you have figured out how to detach from someone you love (and you do this successfully), you may have no other option than to learn how to be independent.

During this time, you can make decisions for yourself, take up growth actions/initiatives, and find yourself more in charge of the trajectory of your life. With this, the tendency for unhealthy dependence in a relationship can be eliminated.

3. You detach for your mental health

From all we have discussed so far, this should have been evident at this point. When you are in a relationship with someone toxic, domineering, and who mentally/physically/emotionally abuses you, detaching from that relationship becomes paramount, especially for your sanity.

Hanging around them when it is evident that they aren’t making any efforts to improve may, more often than not, cause you untold harm – emotionally and mentally.

4. Emotionally detaching can help you gain clarity and make better choices

People find it difficult to move on from relationships when it is evident that the relationship is heading nowhere because they may be caught up in the euphoria of “what could have been.”

Under these circumstances, you can see the relationship for what it truly is. Then again, feelings of detachment allow you to see your partner in a different light, for who they are, and not the person your love for them has made them into (in your mind’s eye).

With these in place, you can make clear-headed decisions about where you’re headed. When you have gone through all these steps and are finally ready, here’s how to detach yourself from someone you love.

5. Self-growth and personal development

Detaching emotionally from a romantic partner can provide an opportunity for self-reflection and personal growth. By focusing on your needs, goals, and aspirations, you can discover your identity and work toward becoming the best version of yourself. 

It can allow you to develop a sense of independence and build a strong foundation of self-worth, which can be essential for long-term happiness and fulfillment.

17 ways to emotionally detach yourself from someone

While it can be difficult, sometimes it becomes necessary to detach yourself from someone emotionally for your well-being and personal growth. Want to know how to detach emotionally?

Whether it’s to heal from a past relationship, create healthier boundaries, or move forward in life, if you want to stop being attached to someone (your partner in this case), here are some steps to help you emotionally detach from someone:

1. Evaluate your relationship with them so far 

Now that your goal is to become emotionally detached from someone you have loved, you first need to take some time to evaluate your relationship with them so far.

When you do this right, you can become enlightened about several things, which may help solidify your decision to distance yourself from them.

2. Ask all the critical questions

You would have to carry out this step during the self-introspection stage of this journey. While you evaluate your relationship with your partner, critically look at things and determine precisely how well (or otherwise) the relationship has fared before now.

Some of the questions you need to answer include determining whether or not your partner has prioritized you as much as you have prioritized them. Have they made compromises at specific points for your relationship to keep blooming (or have you been the only one doing all the groveling)?

If, after this session, you find out that the relationship has been one-sided, you may want to consider moving on quickly. 

3. Determine whether your expectations of your partner are reasonable 

You may have to keep aside some of your biases and already-acquired beliefs to do this successfully. Put yourself in their shoes for a few minutes and answer a pertinent question; “If you were the one in their shoes, would you be able to accomplish what you expect them to?”

If your honest answer is “no,” you may want to rethink your definition of “being inconsiderate/selfish.” On the other hand, if your answer is “yes,” you are probably on the right track. 

4. Articulate your emotional needs and commit to satisfying yourself 

What are the things that make you happy? Those you’ve formerly expected your partner to do for you? This is where you might make a list of them and commit to satisfying them by yourself, to the best of your abilities.

The main advantage of doing this is that this decision takes the power of making you happy/sad out of the hands of your partner and returns it to you. This is how to let someone go emotionally!

5. Create an exit plan 

How do you intend to start moving on from them? Would you like to join a social group, club, or association of like-minded people? Would you like to learn a new skill or hobby? At this point, creating a support system is vital.

Your goal at this stage should be to fill yourself up with productive activities you love so you do not have to sit around and wait for them.

Would you please pay attention to make sure that your exit plan doesn’t include them in it? At the same time, start making new friends again. You want to become independent of them. They shouldn’t be a part of your favorite activities and pastimes at this point.

6. Seek professional help 

If you think it is necessary, you may want to enlist the help of a professional.

Depending on the nature of the relationship you’re trying to get out of, a professional counselor or therapist can help you with sessions ranging from mental health rehab sessions, or they may even teach you more about detachment and how to maximize the process.

If you need a bit of hand-holding as you learn how to detach from someone you love, getting expert help may be handy.

7. Habitually practice mindfulness

Sometimes, the mental push you need is just a reminder of how awesome you are and how you deserve all the love and attention your partner can give. Mindfulness can help you be in the moment and ensure you remain in tune with your inner self.

When it comes to how to detach from someone, guided meditations, journaling, and affirmation sessions can help you become more aware of yourself (and of the value of your mental health) and may help you appreciate yourself better.

When all these are in place, it can become easier to stop being attached to someone who doesn’t treat you as though you are worth it.

8. Let go of your high expectations

At this point, you have made a lot of progress on your journey to practicing emotional detachment in a toxic relationship. At the same time, you now know better than to place a lot of power in the hands of your partner.

What high expectations have you had of them before now? This is an excellent time to make a list of them all and let go of them.

Right now, it is almost evident that the relationship is one-sided and that they aren’t good enough for you. The last thing you want to do is place a lot of hope in them. To make this transition less painful, consciously step out of the expectation trap.

9. Define new boundaries moving forward 

Everything you have done so far may ultimately become a waste if you do not take some time to set clear and new boundaries.

Regarding your interactions with them, what things would you no longer pay no heed to? Are there scenarios you expect them to make some effort in as well? Define these parameters clearly.

When you have done this, you must have a heart-to-heart with them, especially if you do not want to break off the relationship abruptly. Communication, at this stage, is vital.

10. Put in some physical distance

As you work toward learning how to detach from someone you’ve had feelings for (and actually practice emotional detachment), putting in some physical distance is necessary. This is even more important if the relationship isn’t new per se and you have developed deep feelings for them.

Distance yourself from someone you love, including moving out of the house (if you live together).

Traveling to a different city for any reason, changing the locks on your doors and kindly asking them to leave, or just taking up new hobbies/habits that ensure you don’t spend all your waking hours with their insight.

Note, however, that the first time you do, this may feel terrible (especially if you have grown accustomed to intimacy and spending time with them). It may even feel as though someone is ripping a band-aid off you. But it is all for the best.

You remember the saying, “Out of sight, out of mind,” right?

11. Block them on social media or take a break if there’s a need for that

Almost everyone has an Instagram account these days. If this is any indicator, social media may serve as a stressor at this point, especially if you created a ton of memories with them, memories you shared with your connections/friends on social media.

You don’t need triggers like these. They will only make you feel nostalgic and rescind your decision to detach yourself from someone you love (your partner). 

12. Allow yourself to grieve 

With all the points discussed above, you probably think you aren’t supposed to feel anything as you distance yourself from your partner. It isn’t always this simple.

Sometimes, you’ll feel bad and even ask yourself if you have done the right thing. At this point, it is okay to feel grief.

Permit yourself to feel it. It proves you can love someone again when you meet the right person. However, make sure that your grief doesn’t stop you from taking all the steps you must for this journey to be complete.

13. Confide in a loved one

It can be overwhelming, and at this point, you may need to open up to someone you can trust. It could be a friend, sibling, parent, or family member.

Just be careful about whom you talk to, and make sure they are both sensible and won’t judge your decision to practice emotional detachment.

Your journey to learning how to detach from someone you love is already stressful enough. You don’t need an extra judgemental person in the scene, although talking to someone can be therapeutic. 

14. Give it time

The feelings you’ve developed for your partner will most likely not get wrapped into a giant ball of snow and fizzle away in the heat of noon. It may take some time before you can say you are totally over it.

Take as much time as you need, and do not try to compare yourself with anyone. Different people would react to detaching from a relationship in different ways. Hence, please don’t beat yourself up when it seems like yours takes much more time to complete. 

15. Commit to never going back

Soon enough, the partner you have just separated yourself from may come calling. They may somehow find you on social media and drop the random “I would love to catch up” here and there. You don’t want to fall for those tricks.

Depending on who they are, your ex-partner may come clean and tell you they want to get back together with you. They may even begin to show you how much they have changed.

While they may have changed, you don’t want to place a bet on that. It is best you walk away, never look back, and march into the limitless possibilities in your future.

16. Practice self-compassion

Amidst the process of emotional detachment, it’s essential to be kind and understanding toward yourself. Acknowledge that it’s normal to experience a range of emotions, including guilt, sadness, and doubt.

Self-compassion can involve treating yourself with the kindness and support you might offer a close friend in a similar situation. This can help you navigate the emotional challenges of detaching someone more effectively.

Watch Dr. Arielle Schwartz as she explains how trauma can affect our lives and how we can practice self-compassion to love and accept ourselves fully:

17. Set personal growth goals

As you detach emotionally from someone, use this opportunity to focus on your personal growth and development. Set specific goals for yourself, whether related to your career, education, hobbies, or fitness.

Channeling your energy into self-improvement can not only boost your self-esteem but also provide a sense of purpose and fulfillment independent of your previous attachment to the person. 

Commonly asked questions

Detaching from someone you love can be difficult, and one may struggle to achieve it. Here, we have answered some common queries about detachment in the relationship, why it’s hard, and strategies for detaching from someone who doesn’t reciprocate your feelings.

• Why is it so hard to detach from someone?

Detaching from someone can be challenging due to emotional bonds formed over time. Shared memories, love, and dependency make it tough to let go, causing pain and fear of loneliness.

• How do you detach when you are in love?

Detaching in love involves setting boundaries, self-care, and seeking support. Focus on personal growth, hobbies, and limiting contact to reduce emotional attachment gradually.

• How do people detach so quickly?

Quick detachment typically results from coping mechanisms or prior experiences. Emotional resilience, distractions, and support systems can help people detach swiftly.

• How do you detach from someone who doesn’t love you?

Detaching from someone who doesn’t love you requires self-compassion and acceptance. Redirect your energy toward self-improvement, interests, and relationships that reciprocate your feelings, allowing gradual detachment.

Takeaway

The journey to learning how to detach from someone you love and get to the point where you stop being attached to them can be long, arduous, and ultimately rewarding. Follow the steps of learning detachment that we have covered in this article, and give yourself time.

Psychologist and Coach Silvana Mici further states that,

Although it is hard, please keep in mind that learning how to successfully detach emotionally from a person is actually going to help you a lot more in your future. It is all for you and not just forgetting the other person.

If you find yourself struggling with the process, seeking couples counseling can provide valuable support and guidance. You will probably be okay if you follow through with everything we discussed.